Judge — March 16, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TELL-TALE WHISKERS. The way his whiskers looked when he pretty gil — and the way they looked when he met his wife. OUT OF THE RECKONING TERE are Napoleonic dinners And Napoleonic crushes Napoleonic teas and clubs Where Napoleon small-talk gushes. But one Napoleon incident Has not yet come to view. Ah, when we run it to the ground We'll find his Waterloo! ANNA DARDWRLL PATTER, FRENCH HOME- LIFE, ++] WISH to see M. ts “He is not ‘at home.” “Is madame his wife at home ir; she is at a soirée. “Their son?" “He is at his club.” “And mademoi- selle?” “Mademoiselle is ac the theatre with her aunt.” SHE HADN'T. Darley —" Did you go through my trou- sers-pocket last night ? Mrs. Darley (in- dignantly)—" No, sir!" Darley—" Well, there's a hole in it.” uae THE LIGHT OF EXPERIENCE, THE anger of Saint Patrick's day Is now well-nigh exploded. We keep well out of Patrick's way From knowing he is loaded. LOOKS THAT WAY. Quericus—"Do most girls keep Lent?” Cynicus—" Wall, to judge from the number of marriages at Easter, the only thing they seem to keep is company.” ONE OF THE DANGERS. Miss Shorthair —" Don't you think this celebration of St. Patrick’s day has a tendency to make the Irish arrogant ?” Professor Long hair— It unquestion- met 2 ably gives many of them a swelled head.” NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF. s4]T STRIKES me that you are afraid of work, Mr. Tillinghast to the tramp who had asked for a quarter. “You do me an injustice, sir,” replied the weary walker. “Iam not afraid of work, for if Tet it alone it will not hurt me.” 1 can vote and I can’ | | THE SMOKING-ROOM OF THE SOROSIS CLUB, Mavp—" That Hilton girl is as mean as she can be. She's always blowing smoke through her nose just because she knows we can't.” WHY HE WAS OUT. Mike—"* Phwat yez shtandin’ oot in th’ cowld fer, Pat?” Pat—*' It wor too durned hot in th’ housc—thot's whoy.” NEXPLICABLE, SAN—** To think that that thing eye CORRECT. N ELSON A. is a high-school pu- pil about sixteen years old and very large. In the language-class the teacher said, “Nelson, you may give some examples of the plural of nouns.” The boy had a large chew of gum in his mouth, and between smacks managed to articulate “Mouse, mice; goose, geese.” At this point the teacher interrupted with, “ Nelson, what are you chew- ing?” Nelson (smack, smack)—" The plural of words.” SUBJECTIVE. 6 VOU let your charity encroach upon truthfulness. Do you really think Jones interesting * Yes—as a type of dullness.”