Judge — March 9, 1895 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUST LIKE THE REAL THING. “Oh, blank such a dinner as this!" You, John! what do you mean, sir, by swearing, sir?” Jounnie—" That's all right, papa. Sis and I are playing keeping house and I am the husband.” FROM THE CORNER PEW. GAZE upon Miss Phyllis from the farther corner pew. The place I hold, oh, ill is for a satisfact'ry view. There's a roguish little dimple at the corner of her lips ; How her dainty tresses crimple underneath her bonnet-slips ! Then she turns her face upon me—banishes the sweets I view. ‘Twas the profile of my sister I saw from the corner pew. wes. keLLiR, EVERYBODY EMANCIPATED! Wife—"1 thought you were going to stay at home with the children, to-night while I went to the meeting of the emancipated woman's league.” Husband-—"| did intend to, Lucilla, dear, but at the last moment this afternoon received notice of the preliminary meeting of the emancipated man’s association.” Wife —* Well, what's to become of the children?” Husband —Oh, I've arranged that. They're going to the regular Thursday-night social of the emancipated youths’ society.” GETTING BACK. Young woman— Will you be my husband?” Young man— No, Ethel; but I'll be a brother to you." {ng here already.” This woman is a splendid skater, but— ‘And this girl cannot skate at all, but — 151 “ GEORGE.” E WAS a big black mastiff, and when we bought him at the pound was about the size and shape of a year-old colt. He filled out some later on. We tried to feed him lightly at first, as we had been instructed to do; but the first week we had him he stole and ate a side of bacon, half a codfish, a pan of bread-dough, and the cook's griddle-greaser. Next week he killed a Manx cat belonging to our next-door neigh- bor, who later on set some poison for him, which ‘was eaten by another pet cat. A lady friend brought her fox-terrier to visit us. George dug a hole under the fence, through which the terrier escaped and had to be adver- tised. George soon developed the mange, and we sent him to a veterinary surgeon in Harlem. During his sojourn there he went regularly with the doctor for his beer, and, being frequently treated, learned to like it himself. One day he jumped over the bar after a cat and broke eight dollars’ worth of glass. Although an amiable dog he was of such Portentous size that all he had to do if he want- ed the contents of a butcher-boy's parcel was to ALL RIGHT. Fatty—"' Hurrah ! it’s all right, old man, The ice will hold. There are fellows skat- stand and show his teeth. The boy would either drop the parcel or throw it at George and run. The same meth- od worked with school-children carry- ing lunches or goodies. Finally we sent him out to our farm, where he sucked eggs and chas- ed chickens and made friends with tramps. We wrote the farmer to try and sell him and received the follow- ing communication from a neighboring farmer: “dere sur i heer you want to sel yure dog i will giv you fifty cents fur him (50 cts) fur a churn dog and you tu pay fur this postle card. yours re- spflly joel Persons.” We sold him. MADELINE OxviS, PROVED HIS POINT. Brown —"No forty-days’ fasting for me. I once knew a man who lost his life through keeping Lent.” Mrs. Brown—"\ don’t believe a word of it.” Brown—"\t's quite true, my dear. He was choked to death by a fish- bone.”