Judge — March 9, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

N APOLEON has often been accused of having been corrupt, untruthful, vain, jealous, unchivalrous and brutal; but there are many incidents in his career which point to a generosity and lovableness of character altnost phenomenal. At state dinners, after tasting the first dish, he was often known to kick the table over, scattering the richest viands promiscuously over fair women and brave men, thus protecting his guests from dyspepsia and setting them an example in moderation. He carried with him upon the march the imperial chef and a retinue of twenty cooks and bottle-washers, solely that they might not lose their salaries by remaining at Versailles during the campaign and catering to Josephine. He used his fingers to eat all meats and pastries, thus giving his poorer subjects an opportunity to economize on knives and forks and still follow royal etiquette. Soup he drank from the tureen, and would finish an ordinary course dinner in eleven minutes, thus shaming the average New York clerk, who expects a full hour in which to dally with a fifteen-cent lunch. At the battle of Jena, in the awful presence of death, ten newspaper correspondents and four kodak fiends, he dismounted from his horse and gave CueeK (in big dry-goods establishment)—* Can 1 do anything for you, sir?” LONELY STRANGER—"' Yes; you might try and find my wife for me among that crowd.” a wounded soldier a drink of pure French brandy from his own flask, thus relieving the poor fellow’s agony by a speedy death. “Ah!" he cried, turning to the kodak fiends, “if T only had pure French brandy enough I could beat the Russians—if T could only get ‘em to drink it.” Little disinterested acts like these inspired his army, gratified the correspondents, and amply re- paid the kodakers for their plates. (To be continued) GOOD BOOKS. Y BOOKS are borrowed, not returned, Much to my discontent. They're like good Christians at this time— Resolved on “keeping Lent.” ON THE CONTRARY. ‘ou won't go to church with me this beautiful Sunday morning?” * N-no, I believe not. You women only go to church to see what people wear.” —"" That's not your reason for going to the theatre, though, is it?” RAILROAD INFORMATION, Y SON, when the train takes the switch it isn’t to correct anything, only its own time. As in society, a good many accidents come from making bad breaks. Of course the trunk-lines carry the most bag- gage. Certainly, as in good marriages, the motive power is coupled to the tender and the baggage follows. Conductors are liable to be swung up any night, especially if impertinent. Can an engineer take his own time to get toa place? Toobyshure. If he took another engineer's time he might get hurt. You are right. If a train runs through solid it is lucky. Do not look for the fish-plate in the dining-car, No, I never heard any complaint because the train-boy worked the train more than ten hours a day. SELF-DENIAL. Right again. In a collision, head on, the conductor generally goes home pvot yer solo; ter deny Jereeil durin. Leats Wille Ze with his head off. Queer too. Wary Wot yea Cape oe ae