Judge — February 23, 1895 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HIS MOTTO. . sYENTLEMEN,” said the German butcher on Third avenue, “I been so sugcessful in peesniss 1 guess I vhill advertise. Could you gif me a moddo?" “How would this strike you,” asked the conductor on the elevated, “* Liver let live?’ ‘said the newspaper man, ‘Our reputation “Here's what you want,” said the dr:mmer, “You cannot turn our flanks.’” “Something in my line,” said the actor, “I eat, I eat and swear ’—Henry fifth, act five, scene first. What would about suit me,” said the man out of a job, “is this, * The times are out of join The janitor of the Mulberry flats weighed a porter- house steak in his hand and said, “* His weighs are weighs of pleasantness.’” The man from the Bowery extended his arm and said, “Gents, ole Bologna is a dandy. 'Ere’s his motto, “May we always find him in the soup.’ ” “ Yentlemen.” said the butcher, “dhem vhas all goot. Write ‘em all down on dot piece wrapping-baper und I make achoice. Yhen you vant a square piece meat, come roundt.” F, F. V.’S IN TEXAS. HE state of Texas has a very large area of land set apart for university purposes. This land, fort- unately for the future of Texas, has not been sold at low rates, but is still in great measure JUDGE'S FAVORITES. held so that the university will secure the advantage of the rise in values, or what Mr. Henry George EMMA EAMES, calls the unearned Oh, fair to see, and sweeter yet to hear, increment. The By nature moulded as.a gift to art! : ‘Thou canst bring music's seventh heaven near, trustees of the uni- Did we'not Goow the order thusto beg versity of Texas We might believe hey were inspired by thee. fairly represent the citizenship of the state, and among them are lawyers, doctors, farmers, stock-raisers and soon, It is not a conventional body, such as those that look over the business affairs of Harvard, Yale and Columbia, but it acts efficiently nevertheless. Recently the university needed an instructor in Greek and, as is customary with southern institutions of learning, the need of the university of Texas was made known in Virginia, which supplies the majority of the southern educators. The post being desirable there were many applicants. One of these, after saying that he would like to have the place, informed the trustees that his great-grand- father had been a signer of the declaration of inde- pendence, that his grandfather had been governor of Virginia, and that his father had commanded a bri- gade in the confederate army. Another applicant said that his maternal great-grandfather had been a member of the house of burgesses in the colonial days, that his paternal grandfather had been United States senator, that his father was a circuit judge. And so on through twenty or more letters. The board listened patiently to the reading of the letters and then an elderly member, a prominent stock- raiser, arose and said, “ Mr, President, I move that THe MAN—" What on earth ever made me think I was in love with this gitl !" the secretary be instructed to write to these young ¢ gentlemen and tell them that we are looking for a man to teach Greek, not for one to breed from,” Copyright by B. J. Fath, 14. HIS SECOND THOUGHT. PuILIP POINDEXTER, FISH STORIES. 66TRUTH lies at the bottom Of the well” if you wish, Which is doubtless the reason No one goes there to fish. GOT TO COME. Inspector (looking ‘at his watch)—“ It is time to close the polls.” Judge (of election)—"* Wait a bit. Two of the lady voters haven't been back yet to change their ballots.” BOW- LEGGED. Miss Avy New (of New York) —“I do so wonder why that Mr. Beacon Hill always wears an ulster!” Miss Commonwealth (of Boston)—“ Hush, dear! Haven't THE CURLY CRAZE. Mr. BILuNcTon Binxs—‘' Yes, my dear, it was a So June thinks, but don’t go near it when at all bilious : happy thought of yours to have the room furnished in the or after having an evening with the boys, or it will assume these YOu beard of his crescent-curved Louis the fourteenth style, it's so effectiv sizes and shapes and the curls will get on your nerves. continuations ?” comicbooks.com