Judge — January 12, 1895 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STEP FASTER, PLEASE! Of all the most aggravating things, If you are in hot haste, Is to have a man in front of you With half a day to waste. There is this one thing that justifies The man in the foremost place— The fact that he is the man in front, The leader of the race. But, for heaven's sake! if you are ahead Don't dawdle at your ease. You set the pace for the man behind— Step faster, please ! —The Impress. As a specific against dyspepsia and other troubles of the stomach, also as an appetizer ixing in drinks, nothing superior to BITTERS, “Bob Ingersoll 's my style of man,” ob- served the slim, long-haired party who was discussing theology with the little fat man over in the corner. ** There's no bigotry about him, T can’t stand bigotry and intolerance,” he went on, loosening his collar. "The bigotry and intolerance of the churches is what I object to. If had my way I'd turn about nine-tenths of the churches into theatres and drive nine-tenths of the members into the Atlantic ocean—that's what I'd do!” ‘*So glad you're not bigoted and intolerant, said the lit- n.— Chicago Tribune, The effects of alcoholic excesses promptly Relieved by Bromo-Seltzer—a refreshing drink. She read Sanscrit ‘And knew Pancrit ; Ancient Persian Was diversion ; But she used to think that’ Maine Was a river in Lorraine ; Uhat the Mississippi ran ‘Through Vermont and Yucatan, And that Christopher Columbus was the king of Michigan. All foreign nationalities ‘And realms and principalities, With no trace of indecision, She could name with great precision ; Hut she used to think Nebraska Was a river in Alaska, And she searched for Philadelphia on a map of Madagascar. — Lewiston (Maine) Journal. D Genter Smoke J As Cool as the breeze And As Sweet As Tre Flowers PS es Cents’ Makau BROS, y he American. Tobacco & Successor'y Because yor |LLI PS. o-5 Prt €OC0O. fe one w which will not distress MY CASTLE IN THE AIR, If L could go ballooning, And had the time to spare, I'd journey to discover ‘My castle in the air. It stands, that stately building Beyond the yellow moon, Where tradesmen’s bills can never come, Not even by balloon. ‘The water-rate collector, He eyes its door in vain, Because its cistern runs with ‘No water, but champagne. Its roof has been constructed So very high and steep No love-lorn cats can clamber thiere To frighten gentle sleep. My neighbor's hens can never Defy the garden-wall Because there are no neighbors ‘Or hen-coops near at all. So in the garden nodding In rich profusion grow Tobacco-trees and cauliflower And roses all a-row. Oh, could I reach my castle I'd never need to think ; V’d never need to scribble And clothe my dreams in ink, So when I'm not so busy I'll hire a big balloon And sail away with—I know whom— Beyond the yellow moon, —Home and Country. Mrs, Winsow's Soornina Syrup for Chil- dren ‘Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays ail pain, cures wind colie and diar- thea, 25 cents a bottle, ‘ Shop-keeper (to commercial traveler}—"* Can't mud.—Startin’ for heaben on a grabe-stone is risky bizziness.—Mos' men want toe be as rich as mos’ women want toe be beautiful dat dey ah occupyin’ space w'ich younger ones Washi’ a pig wos't make bit sop kin’ Sweet. hearts build air-castles in w'ich dey expec’ toe live w'en married.—Sum ole people hab an idea want.—As a man grows old he usually grows wise an’ stronger an’ has a poorer opinion ob hisse'f.—Ardansazwe Thomas Cat. There would be no indigestion in the world if Angostura Bitters were used by all. Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons, manufacturers. At all druggists. He is a young married man, and he drop into the office Wednesday morning and called Got two locals for you.” ** Well, what are they?’ ‘Mrs. — will spend Thanks- giving with her parents at —." That was “What's the other?” asked the ed- itor, ‘* Mr. — is going to get drunk.” ‘That was himself, and he went on up town to get a running start on the holiday.— Hillsboro Re. publican, can you tell me why I am like a hen?" Afrs. Kicksy—"" No, dear, Why is it?” Kicksy—"* Because I can seldom find anything where I laid it yesterday."—PAila- delphia Record. Kicksy—"* Wile When on the shoulder of your coat Your wife a blonde hair sees, While her own tresses auburn are, Her eyes are full of these: 2 CV a2e Si ene And when you in confusion say Perhaps it is the cook's Or house-maid’s—there by accident— ; ‘These are the things she looks : CART es eet —Kansas City Journal, ? give you an order, Quite overstocked.” 7rav- eler—" Let me at least show you my samples.” Shop-keeper—" Spare yourself the trouble; I can't look at them.” © Zraveler—" Then will you allow me to look at them myself? three weeks since | have even seen them. Tid- Bits. A QRUISE 70, THE MEDITERRANEAN, A ‘by specially chartered steamer Friesland, Feb: | tuary 6th, 1695, visiting Bermuda, Azores, Gibealtar, Malaga, Granada, Alhambra, Algiers, Cairo: seven days at Jerusalem, Beyrout, Ephesus, Constantinople, | Athens. Rome. Only $s2s, hotels, excursions, fees, ete., included. Organized and accompanied by F. C. Clark, ex-United States vice-consul at Jerusalem, and a staff of competent assistants." Thirty excursions to Burope. “Ocean tickets by all lines. Send for To iat Gasette. F.C. Clark, tourist agent, 111 Broadwi New York, official ticket agent Pennsylvania and Ene failroads, étc., THIS IS A PIPE. Cannot betel rom acigar. Mado of aabeston, Holds «1 pipatal 9¢ tobe laste for, Kk your dealer forget It for you. or send Pricelist. NE PIPE Co.. 63 Guer BRASS BAND Tostruments, Drums, Uniforms, Equip. ments for Bands and Drum Corps. ext prices ever quoted. Fine Catalog. oe Mlustranions,matled free: it gives Band Music Insiructions for Amateur Bands, LYON & BRALY, 30.32 Adams 8t,, Chica You will get more prompt attention and better service by mentioning Jtbax when answering advertisements. DEAFNESS and HEAD NOISES relieved byusing LSON'S COMMON-SE! FAR ORUMS, New ectentific invention, entirely dtt- ferent in construction from all other de- Vices. Assist the deaf when all otber de ¥lces fall, and where medical akill has given no relief.” Safe, comfortable, in- Fiafbes have no wire’ string attach- ment” Write for. THE HUMAN. HAIR, Why it Falls Off, Turns Gray, and the Remedy. By PROF. HARLEY PARKER. F. R.A.S. C.K. Loxe &'Co.. 1013 Arch St, Philadephia, Pa. “very one should read this little book." —d thenarum D. L. DOWD'S MEALTH EXERCISI For Gentiemen, pirictans, ‘others and 1s a delicious food drink. Vocal Culture, 9 Bast 1th street, New THE CELEBRATED SOHMER Pianos are tho Best. Warerooms: 149-165 E. 14th St, New York. Caution.—The buying public will please not con” found the ‘Soumex. Piano’ ‘with ‘one of a similarly sounding name of cheap grade. Our name spells THE POPULAR FRENCH TONIC VIN MARIAN FORTIFIES e|stimULATES A eo)" Rerresnes| Brain : Indorsed by eminent Physicians everywhere. In a recent issue of a Missouri exchange the following item appears among other Orange- blossom notes: “* Miss Alix, princess of Hesse- Darmstadt, was married recently to Mr. Nicho- las Romanoff.” The world, while men to life do cling, Is as they make it Some make the best of everything ‘And others take it. —New York Press. No wine has a purer bouquet than Cook's Extra Dry Impertal Champagne. \t is the pure juice of the grapes fermented A knowing toad one summer's day Unto a fly was heard to say, * You're pretty sure to find me here Before this store year after year.” “ But,” said the fly, “tit seems to me ‘That you demolished soon will be By people passing in and out, And ground to dust without a doubt.” * Oh,” smiled the toad, in all things pat, * [never am afraid of that. Amid the city's whir and din To purchase here but few pass in. The reason ‘s plain, if you but think This merchant shunneth printers’ ink. —Printer's Ink, Turn it upside down: It won't hurt it. There are no dregs or sediment at the bottom. Drinkers of Evans’ In- dia Pale Ale know that and do not hesitate to drain the bottle. When two years old it is prop- erly bottled by experts and will keep in any climate. There is no other Ale “just as good as Evans’.” C.H. EVANS & SONS, Buying A Second-Class Pistol is like employing a second-class doc- tor, or using second-class medicine. Your life may depend onit. Even if the difference were less than it is, you ought to buy the Smith & Wesson in preference to others, It is the only perfect pistol. Send stamp for illustrated catalog. Smith & Wesson, "Springncid: Stas Springfield, THE ROSY FRESHNESS And a velvety softness of the skin are invariably ‘obtained by those who use Pozzoni's Come plexion Powder. Jepor's Linrany fs fall of pure fun, No politics. 10¢. THE JANUARY NUMBER OF JUDGE'S LIBRARY York, or C.F JORDAN, Ct ‘389 Dearborn street. ” rhicago agent, is now out, and will be found to be superla- tively funny. Price 10 cents. To be had of BR in and 150. LOVE wits: ig seate all newsdealers and train-boys.