Judge — December 15, 1894 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘The saunterer never reads ** Gulliver's Visit to the Houhnhyms” without being reminded of a little girl who had been so very, very naughty that punishment was necessary. After this had been duly inflicted the mother added, *; Now, Jane, you must tell God what you have done and ask His forgiveness.” The little girl looked-up and said doubtfully, “* Ma, don't you think this is a matter we hadn't better mention outside the fami Boston Budget. Mrs, Winstow’'s Soornine Syrup for Chil- dren ‘Teething; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays ail pain, cures wind colic and diar- theea. 25 cents a bottle. An editor out west having been asked if he ever saw a bald-headed woman replied, ** No, we never did. Nor did we ever see a woman waltzing around town in her shirt-sleeves with a cigar between her teeth and run into every saloon she saw. We have never seen a woman go fishing with a bottle in her pocket, sit down on the damp ground all day, and go home drunk at night’ Nor have we seen a woman yank off her coat and say she could lick an; man in town, No, God bless her! she isn’t built that way." —Northwest Magazine. The new steamship St. Louis was christened with Cook's Imperial Extra Dry Champagne. Without even the suspicion of a smile on its face the Kochester Democrat declares that “* Buffalo is proverbially jealous of Rocheste As the mosquito said to the elephant as they walked down the gang-plank of the ark togeth- er, “Quit shovin’."—Buffalo Express, Scientists say that “‘ plenty of sleep is con- ducive to beauty.” Knox the hatter says, “That's so. Even a tall hat looks worn whea it loses tts nap,” “Isn't it horrid,” said the Circassian beauty, ‘to think of the fat lady wedding the ossified man so soon after her first husband's demise?” “Yes, I know," replied the two-headed girl; “but she says’ the baby has taken a fancy to cutting its teeth on him."—Jndianapolis Jour- nal. pa AGENTLEMANS SMONE,but tt fragrance pleases the ladies. A box of this tobacco makes a most welcome BIRTHDAY QIFT to husband. brother or RE eRoine “Tooacton’ sOneeA Coe seRES3OR mam BRLTINORG. Fr MESON Marre “Oh, where are my trousers?’ in anguish he cried. “My new pantaloons, I believe they are gone.” “Oh, no; they're not stolen,” his children re- plied. Dear ma has gone out on her wheel with em on."—New York Press. No Christmas and New-year's table should be without a bottle of Dr. Siegert’s Angostura Bitters, the world-renowned appetizer of ex- quisite flavor, Beware of counterfeits. Little Willie—"1 wanted so much to peek through the keyhole last night while you were in the parlor with Mr. Castleton.” Sister Clara —"" But, like a good little boy, you didn’t, did you?" Little Willie—" No; the servant-gitl got there first." —New York Herald. Stranger—"* Policeman, how often do the electric cars pass this corner?” Policeman— * Well, if you are trying to take a nap they go | jy by every two minutes ; but if you want to go somewhere you have to wait half an hour.” Smith, Gray & Co.'s Mlustrated Monthly. Ideal Winter Mountain Resort. KENILWORTH INN ASHEVILLE, NorTH CAROLINA. Lecturer (to medical student)—" This sub- ject’s right leg is longer than his left, which "| causes him to limp. Now what would you do in such a case?” Student—"* Li —Philadelphia Record. Limp too, I gue waiter, you are positive this is wild duck Iam eating?” “Oh, yes, sir; so wild that we had to chase it round the back yard for fifteen minutes before we could catch it."— Zhe Grocer, The difference in character and qual- ity of the different brands of another popular Ale is due to the method of bot- tling. EVANS’ ALE is bottled where it's made—is always uniform. Bright and Sparkling. O10 and ripe and mel- low. Better than imported. Coats less. Noduty. ‘ C. H. Evans & Sons, Hudson, N. Y. Fweddy—'Aw—what does it mean, deah boy, when it says ‘wheat went all to pieces at the opening?” Cholly—"* Why—why' I wed on that’s the way we get ouah cwacked wheat.” —Chicago Tribune. McEl—" Boss McLaughlin has given up the idea of buying a bicycle.” O'Kie/— “ Why?" McEU—" The bicycle-dealer_re- ferred to the wheel asa machine and the boss was afraid he couldn't manage it."—Brooklyn Eagle, No Morphine, no Anti-Pyrine, no Cocaine, In Bromo-Seltzer—cures all headaches, Traveler (to train-boy)—"* Got any funny books—Mark Twain or any of the humorists?* Train-boy—"* No, sir; but I've got a couple of London papers c ing comments on the American elections," —Chicago Record. ROUTES AND RATES TO WINTER RESORTS. The Baltimore and Ohio Railroad Company has just issued a little booklet giving the routes and rates to various winter resorts in Cuba, Florida, North Carolina, Virginia, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Georgia. The information is very conveniently arranged and indexed. Copies can be had by inclosing a two-cent stamp to Charles O. Scull, general passenger agent Baltimore and Ohio Railroad, Baltimore, Maryland. “* Weren't you arrested for stealing chickens once?" fiercely asked the lawyer.‘ Naw,” re- torted the witness with fine spirit; “it was hawgs. Do you think I would go round steal- in’ chickens like a blame black African nigger?” Cincinnati Tribune, THE CELEGRATED SOHMER Pianos are the Bost. Warerooms: 149-155 E. 14th St., New York. Cavrion.—The buying public will please not con’ foead the Somers, Pano gith one of & smiley sounding name of cheap grade. Our name R Some women may cook and cook and cook, And cook and cook every day ; But they never can give their’ husbands a “roast” Because they ain’t built that way. Detroit Free Press. We often sneer at the Exyptians for being a slow people, but on the contrary they must have been a very busy race. Even the mum- mies appear to have been pressed for time.— Rockland (Maine) Tribune, “They say it is electricity,” said Pat, as he stopped before the incandescent street-light, **but I'll be hanged if I’ see how it is they make the hairpin burn in the botthle,"— Yale Record. As a specific against dyspepsia and other troubles of the stomach, also as an appetizer and for mixing in drinks, nothing superior to BOKER'S BITTERS. Of all the cants in this canting world, tho’ the cant of hypocrites may be the worst, the cant of criticism is the most tormenting.— Sterne, Governor Waite says he was defeated by the women. Now bless thee, woma the delight and the terror of ma thee again !—PAiladelphia Ledger. Londonderry Maiwhia opens With a vim_ snap-\sparhle— bub- ble ts efferves- eent a3 *hampapne PINTS ‘AND. QUARTS ALWAYS AN ‘Acccerasce AKMAS PRESENT! A BOX or FANCY BASKET | rusia wirm DELICIOUS Bonbons and Chocolates 863 Broadway, New York. ORDERS BY MAIL RECEIVE PROMPT AND CAREFUL ATTENTI( ON, “told my friend Emma, under promise of the strictest secrecy, that I am engaged to the lieutenant, and the spiteful thing actually kept ani NOISES relieved by usin, WIEREN Common SENSE? FAR DRUMS, New scientific invention, entirely dit- ferent In construction from all other de- Vices. Aasiat the deaf when all other de- Vices fail, and where medical akiil bas sivea ng rellet.” Safe, comfortable, ta- Flatble, have 0 wire’ or string attach. Tent | ete for pamphit wal SOM EAR ORUM CO, Louisville, Ky. THIS IS A PIPE. ‘Cannot be told from acl cea EoFSet it for you. er send fea 10013) for ta briceltnt SJR PIPE Gov 53 Guerasey St, Samm |LLIPS- Pe COCOO ipefult of tobacca, an PERFECTION IN AROMA, FLAVOR, RICHNESS AND DIGESTIBILITY. A Handsome Complexion Isone of the greatest charms a woman can pos- sess. Poszou's Complexion Powder gives 1 genders no Loss of Nerve force. Patients treated ome. Correspondence, voliceed, Bt By CHAN. Banager, juilaiog. Syracuse, N.Y, Men tondeson 3 You will get more prompt attention and better service by mentioning Jubom when answering advertisement. 20th Edition, postpaid for ase. (or stampa). THE HUMAN HAIR, Why it Falls Off, Turns Gray, and the Remedy. By PROF. HARLEY PARKER. F-R.A. 5. €,K. Lone & Co., 1013 Arch St, Philadelphia, Pa. “iBvery one should read this little book.” —A thenarnm. | as the secret." —Fliegende Blatter. Sper cent. to 0per cent. Onl DENVER MORTGAGES, p?snising city with vase re ufbatary territory yet to develop. Great koldsnlatn Expansion. ‘Safely uiade far Western oane are, after all the best investment. Low valuations Tule now. “Abun’ Gant references, Free circulars Youn £. Leer, 115 Tremont 8t., Denver, Colo. D. L. DOWD'S NEALTH EXERCISE! ‘For Gentiemen, Ladies, Yout ete or tnvalld. ‘Complete gyi takes 6 1. of foor room; new, sclentit: heap. Indorsed by 10,000 ere, clergymen, caltore w using it. Illustrated . Addreas Physical and street, New Chicago agent, y oF: York, orG-F JUDAS 280 Dearborn street Ba i GLENSHAW 20 It Is profitable sometimes to lend a man a dollar, even if he doesn't pay you back. 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