Judge — December 8, 1894 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

22 HIS LIST. FREAKISIL sophomore made up his mind to make Christmas gifts to members of the faculty and proceeded as follows : To the professor of phi- losophy he sent a box of. ci- gars. Smoking them would test his philosophy. To the professor of chitecture he sent an illumi- nated copy of “The House That Jack Built.” To the professor of ap- plied mathematics a looking- glass, that he might survey Po the professor of chem- istry a plum-pudding for dis- section and analysis, To the professor of phys- iology a pair of Kehoe clubs. To the professor of the dead languages an original essay on “A Woman's Tongue,” to show him some- thing very much alive. To the professor of the modern languages a gilded doc |, aS representing something pretty well dead. To the professor of pure mathematics a dozen reams of paper to write equations upon ‘To the professor of Eng- lish Inerature a copy of the latest work on short-hand, with the advice to study the same, To the professor of nat- ural history a collection of mosquitoes, wasps and sting- ing-bees, just. to. prick his conscience, if nothing else. JUDGMENTS. EACE. on earth—or else get off it. Love is the fundamental principle of the teachings of Christ. Many a Christmas tur- key is stuffed with good res- olutions. . Good-will is a quality that you can cultivate in your- self as well as in others. Don't mind because you broke your promises to your- self last year; make some more. Now is the time to settle your differences with your neighbor, you to make the first advance, Many people expect, with some reason, to offset a few of the self-indulgences of the year by a little extra liberality at Christmas, uaneiixe ons, OUT OF DANGER. imrose (vis~ iting poor-house)—" This is a dreadful place for an able- bodied man like you to be spending Christmas.” Weary Wragg les— “"Tain't ez bad ez hustlin’ onde road, I'd be dead in a week ef I hed to live on de mince-pie what's floa ‘round dis time o” year.” ANOTHER MYTH EXPLODED. Maiden lady—"\ have always heard that any one who sat under the mistletoe Niece—" Don't you be- - MAKING AN OPPORTUNITY PROFITAB! lieve it, auntie?” ‘TIS a good plan to act at Kixcuin Key (who has sized up the novel's title—""Ah, me boy, you've got a manly Maiden lady—" No; 1 Christmas-tide as if you look. Would yer do a favor fer Litenin’ Luke. ther prince o” detectives? have:satunder tall theevene banoras ae ‘Tim (the messenger-boy, joyousl)—"* Wouldn't 1, though? fag and ain't had a smack mever expected to see an- Kixcuin Ketry—"'Sb! that’s me. I fergot ter put change in me disguise, so if yerit '§ and T ain't had a sma other. lend me er quarter I'll leave five dollars round ter th’ office fer yer ter-morrer.” y) A MODEL FLOCK. Parson Jackson—" Dar am a certain pusson in dis congregashun who hab ben ‘cused ob stealin’ chickens. I would like t’ ask dat same pusson, right hyah, yer not guilty ? Cronus (from every man in the church)—"* Not guilty !" comicbooks.com