Judge — September 15, 1894 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE, ‘One copy, one year, or sz numbers ‘One copy, six months, of 96 numbe One copy. for tz weeks = Including the Cumtstsas Jonge. FOREIGN SUBSCKIPTIONS— To all for ies im the postal wm THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupGE BUILDING) t, New York, larger circulation th. amy other American satire Linrany and Juocn’s Quanrenty are all for sale at Brenta: IiArenne de TUper Ainsice & Con as Newcastle street, Strand, London rhe International News Co., Breams Building. Chancery Lane. ‘ondon at Saar bach's Neves Excham 7 The International News Con Stephanstrass ie. German : wera. Switserland addres 1B Ley ek 97 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juocm are protected by copy: right in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. A TARIFF that gives the president malaria is not without strength. GET THEE to a nunnery, thou Pol- lard; consider its ways and be wise. MB: SOVEREIGN, like the czar, looks for the most danger among his own subjects. MB: LEXOW will see to it that Sep- tember will stand about one hundred in the shade: ary [F THE PRESIDENT had been out for ducks he would have made a great haul of crow. . MBS. MORMON of Missouri recently gave birth to three boys and a girl. Why so much girl? eae THAT JOHN MOST dislikes Emma Goldman is a compliment to that lady which is overwhelming. THE QUESTION is kept up by the World," Where did Mr. Croker get it?” Might we suggest his neck? - eee VE MBS: LEASE says the millennium will not come in her day. This woman overestimates herself. She thinks. it's afraid of her. MoOwsray, chi: aid he would settle down here for life. We don’t know whether he meant his life or some other person's. THE BIOGRAPHIES of Gorman and Brice show that those gentlemen have gambled in every future with the exception of that which comes after death. eee COMMODORE GERRY permits no smoking in the elevators of his Broadway building. This man is extremely radical. Elevating the elevator caps the climax. M&S: GREEN of Indiana said to her husband, “You're a Colonel Breckinridge.” Mr. Green is not impulsive, however; so, instead of killing her, he calmly inaugurated a suit for divorce. AMELIE RIVES CHANLER is believed by the Literary World to be the mrost beautiful woman in literature; but we have sometimes thought that in her case handsome is as handsome doesn't. THE BEST REMARK of Mr. Cleveland on the completed tariff was “Oh, h—!" There has been no time within the last fourteen years when Mr. Cleveland was more in harmony with the views of the people. A BRAWLING EGOTIST. THE MODESTY of St. John of Kansas in wanting to be the Almighty for fifteen minutes is very striking. One would think so wise a man would want to be the Almighty all the while, and that he would turn in wrath upon the Almighty for not allowing him to have the management of things at the very beginning of the creation. A NOTED HUMANITARIAN. MR-PULLMAN says he tried to make good citizens of his employés. Some westerners think they can ‘convert Indians only by shooting them, but Mr. Pullman was gentler “in his methods. And he has his reward; for, however his men have been converted, his fortune is very large and his company didn’t skip a dividend during the great strike. THE COMMERCE OF MISFORTUNE. WOMAN who was mutilated on the track of a railroad would not be wise to attempt to star on the stage simply for that reason. If she were club-footed she would be equally unwise to do it. If, having con- fessed and made conspicuous her loss of virtue, she should try it because of the notoriety the confession gave her, what a remarkable person she would be! WHY THE DELAY? ‘THE WAVE OF INEBRIETY which, according to a newspaper corre- spondent, recently reached Washington was something of a surprise. Not that it was there; but where had it secluded itself during the previous parts of the’ congressional session, and what was done with it during the wiggle- waggle of tongues on the silver question? The correspondent must have been asleep; or perhaps he was under the wave during its previous convolutions. SELF-SLAUGHTER. WHO have much to live for are as apt to commit suicide as men who are ill and hopeless, A number of rich men have recently shot themselves, and one rich woman, apparently without a care, took herself off with some cheap and painful poison. Indeed it may almost be said that the more hopeless and worth- less a man is the more he clings to life. The suicide is a freak, and his suicide is evidence of an insanity which no theory or reasoning can influence. RURAL SIMPLICITY, MUCH OF THE SPARKING of But- falo, as we learn’ from a newspaper of that town, is done in the local cemetery. It is cheerful because it is inexpensive. But, really, the custom prevails in many villages, which, but for the cemetery, would LOVE-SCENE, 'eTROLIO—" Only one mora sweeta kissa from. your elfra-' have no place of popular resort whatever. In Rochester, indeed, there is many a low cana you. bea so-cruel, when I hada no * Wedding-tour by horse-car to and from garlic for supper and you liave cata the plenty ?* Mount Hope; and though there is an ab- sence of hilarious merry-making on those occasions the contracting partiés are both happy and comfortable. A SHORT CUT TO LIBERTY. HE BICYELE has been mentioned as an invention for the develop- ment and exhibition of the lower portion of the feminine leg. The propriety of this exhibition is questioned. We do not care to discuss it; but it may be observed that the arguments that are used in the affirmative will apply as Well to the legs that run sewing-machines, are given to horseback-riding, attend to the humbler household duties, and assist in any out-door game in which women participate. Now why not drop this contemptible matter of propriety and give all women the trousers and the knickerbockers at once? ALTRURIA. N HIS “ALTRURIA" Mr. Howells indirectly expresses his belief in as well as his desire for a new kind of man. ‘This man is not to be im- ported. directly from heaven, but is to get the heavenly nature along with his birth. It is his chief business to “assist.” Thus when Jackson and Corbett fight we dare say he will assist the weaker person; though indeed those gentlemen, if they shall become altruistic themselves, will struggle so hard each to have the other win that all three will perish of divine ex- ° haustion. And then there will be no need of any heaven. Everybody will be so happy that nobody will want to die. comicbooks.com