Judge — September 1, 1894 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. ONITRD STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. year, of s2 numbers - $5.00 mths, oF 26 numbers - 2.50 13 weeks ~ nag Including the s Juoce FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS— Teall for. ‘ign countries im the postal union, $64 year. THe JuDor PUBLISHING COMPANY (JUDGE BurLninc) Cor. Fifth Ave, and 16th Street, New York ALL SORTS! ALL SORTS! JUDGE'S LIBRARY for September will be on sale August 20th. The artists and writers of Juncr hold a regular picnic in this publication, and the result is more fun for the money than was ever before brought together. Ask your newsdealer for it. Ten cents, $27 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juoce are protected by copy- eaght in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. THE CONFEREE in the Corbett-Jackson case are hard at work. E WARN Sarah Grand that if she lectures in this country several men will be sure to be in each of her audiences; and what will she do then, poor thing ? [7 OCCURS to us that Li Hung Chang resembles Louis Napo- leon rather more than the Hon. Mr. Bismarck. HE OLDEST CIVILIZATION is claimed by the Chinese; and they go to war armed with the bow- and-arrow. GREATEST ROBBERY ing up the United States for the benefit of a few senatorial sugar speculators, THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY respectfully informs Robert In- gersoll that it thinks it has the right to commit suicide too. SIGNAL DISPATCH from Mars—" Look out for the Dem- ocrat with a knife in his boot who talks loudest for harmony.” WILL ROBERT BURDETTE, who has been pronounced dead, kindly write up his experiences following the funeral? stop no longer. Whi THE RIGHT OF SELF-DE E belongs to governments as to men, and when an anarchist is killed the right is vindicated. cee THE BELMONTS and the Vanderbilts are collecting menageries, and Waldorf Astor of London is the sole owner of a great white elephant. A NEGRO MOB in West Virginia having lynched a white man, several able editorials on the condition of the south are unavoidably omitted A TARIFF LAW by four Demoers Democrati trust! That ic senators! The country and the party held up by a quartette of servants of the sugar s not stupidity, It is knavery. A CLERGYMAN at Sedalia, Missouri, has been expelled from a Chau- tauqua circle for umpiring a game of base-ball. His mistakes are not mentioned, but we never did think the clergy were good at that kind of game. THEY KILL ASSASSINS in France with neatness and dispatch. We kill them after their crime has been forgotten and after an expense to the people of about a hundred thousand dollars apiece. The rule ought to be, the higher the crime the quicker the retribution. They do-these things very well in France. SHOCKING. Aunt MInanpA—" Them sassiety folks scandalized me so thet I couldn't in the mornin’ the women show one-half themselves at the beach, an’ then they show down to where they left off, in the evenin’,” THE SULPHUR BUSINESS. som E CAPITALISTS propose to buy the volcano of Popocatepet! and mine its sulphur and ship it to the United States“ What next?” in- quires the Florida Times-Union. Well, it’s hard to tell. Since sbeol has been abolished by the theologians, it may be necessary to run across and take possession of Vesuvius. DEATH AND HARD TIMES. THERE IS NOT so much dying now, according to a Massachusetts undertaker, because the people ‘can’t afford the requisite funeral ex- penses. On the other hand, Colonel Ingersoll talks eloquently in behalf of the right of suicide; so that the death record at the end of the year will be about the same as heretofore, regardless of the tariff. GOVERNMENTS AND GAMBLERS. OSEBERY has entered three horses for the derby of ‘ninety-six. The man’s fate is marked out. He will get down to his last dollar and then gamble away the British government. The voters of this country did about the same thing with their possessions in ‘ninety-two, but they'll recover shortly after the star of Rosebery goes down. * NO FREE VILLAINY. HILL'S BILL to keep out and expel anarchists may be an attack on free speech; but so is the suppression of vocal filth in polite assem- blages, and so is the arrest of loafers who disturb pulpits and congrega- tions. There is akind of free speech that is intolerable, and there are men in prison who have no, more right to freedom than an epidemic. ON THE REMOVAL OF GARMENTS. . STAKE OFF YOUR COATS!” says Governor Flower to the Democrats. Frequently that oper- ation is a preliminary to getting whipped. Mr. Li Hung Chang took off his yellow jacket and has en- countered calamity ever since. And J. Sloat Fassett says in his Elmira Advertiser, in effect, “Don't you do it. I did it once, and I shall never hear the last of it.” SMALL WOMAN, GREAT SUBJECT. MBS: LEASE talks of “The mil- lennium, how and when.” The weaker the vessel the more it thinks it can hold. Few men would try to solve that problem for large money. Farmer Ingalls, with all his confidence and assertiveness, would rather raise potatoes at a nickel a bushel. A graduate of Vassar contemplates a lecture on how to take the rocks of Gibraltar; but here is a woman John and a new apocalypse. ROBBED AND BETRAYED. VERY DEMOCRAT who voted for that tariff is ashamed of it and apologizes for it. The country is afraid of it and ashamed of the perfidy and dishonor of which it was begotten. It is a hideous monstros- ity, without principle and representing no party or organization with the exception of the four Democratic senators whose action in its behalf was the essence of corruption and higher villainy. The country was robbed during its contemplation, and is betrayed and humiliated by its consum- mation. It will be a long time before the Democratic party has a chance to exercise its vicious authority again, WHY SHOULD MR. MORTON RUN? ASN'T LEVI P. MORTON had political honors enough? He is a fine man and deservedly popular; but are there not men equally good who, not being millionaires, have been often enough thrust aside to make room for him? If he were to be elected would he be a good man to lead the party in the national campaign, supposing the honor of leader- ship did not go to Ohio or Maine or Indiana? Mr. Morton is not young. He is not as great a man as several Republicans of this state who would like to be governor and who have won the honor. Can the Republican party afford to have it charged, with some evidence of truth, that it respects large money more than it respects large brains? Think of this, delegates to Saratoga. This is a mighty good year not to make any bad mistake. comicbooks.com