Judge — August 18, 1894 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ODE TO A TIN CAN. Thou still unravished food of William goats! ‘Thou fostered child of high-protection chiefs! Improvised growler, out of whose mouth floats ‘The well-mixed ale that drowns the hobo's griefs ! What fruits are pictured round thy torrid zone! ‘Where is the Jumbo peach this represents? In Jersey or the dales of Delavare? What purple grapes ! and gracious, what a pearl Colossal !— surely these fruits must have grown On trees we see in California prints! Keal fruit is large, but pictured fruit is huge! here are no limits to a painter's brush Debased, and partner to a subterfuge ‘o seli an enterprising canner's slush, Great pear, I shall preserve thee as a fake! Soft peach, thy downy cheek shall ever bloom! ‘Those purple grapes shall cluster round thy brow Discarded Tin—and Father Time shall make OL thee a ferrule for his scythe—and thou Shalt rise above the general caprid doom ! —Carey's Magazine, Mrs, Winstow’s Soorntia Syrup for Chil- dren Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diar- theea, 25 cents a bottle. The Englishman (languidly)—" What a blawsted unlucky country this is, doncher know, But then it was born that way.” The Ameri- What do you mean?” The English Began with thirteen states, doncher The American (promptly) —"* That | « | w38 unlucky—for England." —Pidsburg Bul letin, Cook's Imperial, World's Fair “highest award, excellent champagne ; good efferves- cence, agreeable bouquet, delicious flavor."* With ‘no time like the present” I'm made to agree fhe watch my employer presented to me. —Vonkers Gazette, Junce, cannot find words too good to use in | recommending the Blakesley Easy Arm Band, illustrated in these pages. Look for it. Excess of grief for the dead is madness, for it is an injury to the living and the dead know it not.— Xenophon For Chafing, DANDRUFF, Prickly Heat, and Odors from Perspiration, use that delightful balsamic cleanser ‘and Antiseptic, Packer’s oth Edition, postpaid for asc. (or stamps). THE HUMAN HAIR, Why it Falls Off, Turns Gray, and the Remedy. By PROF. HARLEY PARKER, F. R.A. S. C.K. Loxa &'Co., 1013 Arch St., Philadeiphia, Pa. Every one should read this little Book."—A thenaum, |The right thing to do with a professor or Practitioner of anarchy is peremptorily to call jim insane, shave his head, put him in a luna- tic-asylum ‘and charge an admission fec to Pestle who wish to look at him during certain rs of the day. If he should then insist that he is not insane he should be regularly paddled until he changes his mind.— Brooklyn Eagle. To flavor your soda and lemonade and keep your digestive organs in order get a bottle of the genuine Angostura Bitters manufactured by t B. SIEGERT & SONS. Mrs. Milday—'' Yes, like a gentleman, but for invited into society. The fact is, there is a stain on his escutcheon.” Mfrs, Paeuntoney— “Did he ever try scourline? I bet that will remove it if anything would do it."—Beston Transcript. . Dashit appears me reason he is not A LATE BREAKFAST is often caused by a late milkman, No cream for the coffee or oatmeal has delayed many a morning meal. Keep a supply of Borden's Peerless Brand Evaporated Cream in the house and avoid such annoyances, “The gentleman you see pacing up and down yonder as if he were mentally deranged is Schmidt the famous accountant.” ‘* What is the matter with him?” ‘He was trying yesterday to unravel the ions of his wife's housekeeping book."—Handelsteitung. The difference between “meddling” and “investigation” is that you always investigate, while it is the other person who meddles.— Fourth Estate, The “Canadian Club” whisky is guaranteed by the excise department of the Canadian gov- ernment. There is no better whisky made for general use. A fellow often thinks that a girl “by any other name would be as sweet,” but he finds out his mistake after he gives her his own.— Brooklyn Life. She gave her heart to the handsome youth, “he youth with a sweet mustache ; She gave her heart—but her hand she saved For the gray-bearded man whose lip was shaved ‘And whose pockets were lined with cash, Indianapolis Journal, Without attempting to draw too fine a point, it may be said that the Prendergast affair was the only wholly successful “tie-up” thus far ac- complished in Chicago.—New York Tribune. We have been for a number of years person- ally familiar with the Sohmer piano, and lieve it has no superior in those excellent quali- ties which make a perfect instrument, It is to be especially praised for its volume, richness and carrying powers. No person can hear it played without being convinced of its superi- ority. ** Who steals my purse steals trash "— So on my feelings never tramples. But he who steals my wife's purse steals ‘A wondrous lot of samples. Gloversville Standard, A boy never saw all of acircus. Ie firmly believes that only half of it is there, the half that is on the bills being in some other town.— Atchison Globe. She (after the proposal)—" You must give me time." //e—"" To consider?” Ske—"* No; to break off my last engagement."—/earson's Weekly, THE CELEBRATED SOHMER Pianos are the Hest. Warerooms: 149-185 E. 14th St., New York. Cavtion.—The buying public will please not con” fos the Sonus, Ps with gee of similarly sounding name of cheap grade. name spells— invigorates! Served at all Fountains and Buffets. ‘Sold in bottles by Druggists and Fancy Grocers, | Armour & Company, Chicago. If what there is left over is the seigniorage the monthly deficit must be the juniorage. What's the matter with coining them both ?— Troy Press, THE PERFUME Of violets, the purity of the lily, the the rose, and the flash of Hebe com! Pozzoni's wondrous Powder, In a window of a Brooklyn shoe-store ap- pears this sign : ‘Tis sweet to love, but, oh, how bitter To love a girl whose shoes don't fit her! “And now,” said the new secretary, “‘yez may all rise, an’ whin I call the roll ivery wan who is prisint may sit down; all the rist re- main shtandin’."—Elmira Gazette. _|shows that a bullet can be staj One of those beautifully characteristic Polish names, Dziecomckowicz, appears in to-day's paper. Its pronunciation is doubtless a simul- taneous sneeze and clearing of the throat, The sensation in pronouncing is like chewing tacks. —Buffalo Enquirer, With the advent of sammer and its accom- panying disorders of the digestive family ought to be without BOK! TERS, the surest specific. I will do Suitor—"" 1 adore your daughter. everything"—— Father —* Chestauts said the same thing to her mother's fathe: Tit-Bits, I One of the greatest discoveries of the age is Whitman's Instantaneous Chocolate.’ Made as quickly as beef tea. All hail to the motto We raise on the spot— |“ The Chinese must go ] ‘And the steam-cars must not. — Washington Star, ‘A Wisconsin man failed to kill his wife be- cause her corsets were bullet-proof. This — Washing. ton Hatchet, N MARIAN FOR NOURISHES Body ...| Brain STIMULATES REFRESHES Indoreed by eminent Physicians everaber. Sent Free, ar oY roo eutstrTuTIOne. jum, 75 PORTRAITS and AUTOGRAPHS of Celebrities. MARIANI & West 1s 8c, TROY IMPROVED CHLORIDE OF GOLD CURF. Engenders no Loss of at Home. Correa i Manager, $120 Kirk Hullding, Syracu tion i ALWAYS USE MADAME AGNES’ BALM AS A SURE PREVENTIVE OF GATHERED BREASTS. Price, prepald by mafl, 20 centa| ‘Address ASiadamo A Aunaxy, Ne Loa Marry You THE “Ci | A @ISTER and ti.</ will be comfortably sup- ported as long as they live. CHESTER viz:—enough stre‘ch, allin the right enduring form. make it the most com! pender in the world; moreover, neat, light, and elezant. Sample pair mailed for 60 cents. The “Workers,” made onsame plan, 25 cents. We also make the well-known ‘ Century.” Ask for ‘*Ches- ter” suspenders. DXA. XA ACUI r Trousers ™ HESTER” is # suspender with an idea, i place, and in Mm raduated elastic cord ends table and serviceable sus- Our fe See the graduated elastic cord. JER CO., Na, 5 DECATUR AVE, ROXBURY, MASS, NARADA DIA BA @avan Cus’ WHISKY The age and genuineness of THIS Whisky are guaranteed by the Excise Department of the Canadian Govern- ment by certificate over the capsule ofever7 bottle. From the moment of manufacture until this certificate is » affixed the Whisky never leaves the custody of the Excise Officers. No other Government in the World vides for consumers this independent and absolute guarantee of purity =, and ripeness. “Canadian Club” % Whisky is particularly adapted for ) medicinal use. When not obtainable trom local dealers we will gladly sup- ply consumersdirect upon application. ‘ASounce sample, with the usual Government uarantee, will be sent prepaid, by express, to any address 1n the United States on receipt of S0c, in stamps, Distilled and Bottled by HIRAM WALKER & SONS (Limited), Walkerville, Canada, LONDON, 69 & 70 Mark Lane, B.C, NEW YORK, 1282 Broad: CHICAGO, ‘Monadnock way, 2923 and 224 comicbooks.com