Judge, 1894-06-09 · page 5 of 16
Judge — June 9, 1894 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects brief satirical humor pieces typical of late-19th-century Judge magazine: **Premonitions** mocks vanity—a poet celebrates friends calling his work "poems" instead of "pieces," treating this minor validation as profound success. **His Splendid Patience** offers dry commentary on Henry of Battenberg (Prince Beatrice's husband), praising him for not complaining about his subordinate position in the royal hierarchy. **Patent Applied For** satirizes urban problem-solving: a man ties a rope to his clock to fling it at fighting cats, retrieving it afterward—absurd "innovation." **Fin de Siècle Journalism** mocks sensationalist newspaper practices, with an editor assigning a reporter to get hit by a cable-car and describe sensations for the Sunday edition. **Base-Ball in Darktown** uses racist caricature (common in period Judge), depicting Black children playing baseball. The remaining items include light social satire about proposals, insurance companies, and business investments, all presented through brief dialogue or single-panel illustrations typical of the magazine's format.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
PREMONITIONS. FAR I seem to hear to-day Fame's golden trumpet sweetly blowing, And not so very far away My laurel-wreath begins a-growing. ‘The reason for this sudden joy Requires no prefaces nor proems. My friends, who called my verses "* pieces,” Have now begun to call them poems. WOULD REFLECT ON HER JUDGMENT. (4 PSHAW! Ned seems to think it is his duty to propose to every girl he meets.” “Well, that's no sin, “No; but think how I should feel if any of them rejected him.” HIS SPLENDID PATIENCE. HENRY OF BATTENBERG, husband of Beatrice, is credited with a happy disposition, We have proof of this in the fact that no growls come from his back seat and he hasn't once committed sui- cide. MAS THE N “Is he a good preacher?” * Good preacher? hear him most er mile.” PATENT APPLIED FOR. K—"" What on earth have you all that rope fast- ened to your clock for? STIGUINS- Vhat's a great scheme I've struck, ‘This neighborhood is infested with fighting cats; so | start the alarm. and throw it at them, It's warranted to scare them out of eight of their nine lives, “I hen 1 draw it back with the rope.” “Play ball! A SAFE PLACE, SSYOU'LL kill yourself eating those rich things you get at the Café Delarin. “Well, I guess not. That place is run by a life-insurance company.” FIN DE SIECLE JOUR- NALISM, Reporter —" What's the assign= ment to-day? Managing-editor —" Stroll down Broadway, allow a cable-car to run over you, and describe the sensations in four columns for our Sunday issue.” HE KNEW IT WAS THERE. Fosdi js there any money in the business you are now engaged in?" Cawker—" Ob, yes. I've dropped five thousand dollars into it myself.” BASE-BALL IN DARKTOWN, —Foul tip— SSAKY QUALIFICATION, T should say he war. Why, ye can 363 HIS MODEST EPITAPH. LET monoliths of marble rise And brazen shafts proclaim The virtues of the brave and wise, The deeds that count for fame. Above my grave the legend scan In plain unsculptured stone. * Here lies a faithful motor-man Who never broke a bone.” NEW USE FOR CODFISH. Woman — How are coutish selling, young feller?" Grocer's clerk—" We've had a big demand to-day Woman—* What's the Grocer's clerk—" Well, we're going ‘out of the codfish business and 1 guess the customers is buying it for souvenirs.” AN UNUSUAL GAIT, Mistress—" You seem a little lame lately, cook. What is the matter?” Cook—" Oi thripped over me fut goin’ up th’ elevayted me lasht Thursday out, mum, an’ Oi'm foorced t’ tek a shtep at A SOLILOQUY. Crumranzee (teaching dude)—" Well, Darwin may call it evolation, but blame my cocoanut if it doesn’t look more like degeneration " —and out!" comicbooks.com