Judge — June 2, 1894 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BASE-BALL TERMS, A base ball, A large-sized bat, A short stop. A crack battery. WHAT IS HAPPINESS? T IS love, says youth; it is glory, says ambition; it is hope; it is riches, says greed. You ays experience.“ Happiness is a populist BOTH WERE VETERANS. $6] T DOES me good to shake’hands with one who wore the blue,” said he as he extended his hand to a man who had just left the Memorial-day parade, “for | ama veteran myself, although I am not a member of the grand army of the republic.” “ You ought to join, comrade,” replied the old soldier as he took the offered hand and shook it heartily. “Yes, I suppose so. You saw a great deal of set didn’t you?” success, are all wrong, agitator in office. AN AFFIDAVIT UNNECESSARY. Captain Truthful —* The fleet of sixteen boats with their sails flying and their topsails set came sweeping along the coast. Then suddenly in the heavens appeared a great black cloud and in a jiffy it was down on us. And “I did, comrade. I was in the war four years. what do you think it was?” é only nineteen when enlisted, too. Fought in no le: * You said it was a cloud, captain.” foo thirty-four battles, and I was with Sherman in his march Captain Truthful —* Nod so it was, gentlemen, so to the sea.” it was; it was a cloud of mosquitoes. And they swooped es deen 3 “That was glorious.” ; alling “‘time” with an 4 liners on us so sudden and teft so soon that we hardly knowed even score “Yes, it was. You said you were a what had happened until we looked aloft and saw é that every blamed bit of sail was gone, We were stripped clean by the things.” * But, captain, what did they do with the sails?” Captain Truthful —*\ thought: somebody { would ask me that — thought maybe you'd think 1 | was a liar, and nobody hates a liar worse than I do. Gentlemen, we never heard of our sails for two weeks, when we happened to go down in New Jersey Jevan—" Twenty days.” veteran, didn’t you?” herman's army ? “No.” “You surely weren't fight- ing on the other side 2” Dh, no.” What army did you serve and see every durned mosquito wearing a new suit of canvas clothes.” ANOTHER CASABIANCA, Mr, Benjamin (calling from window) —" Ikey! Ikey! Vot for you standt dere und let dot Yankee poy knock you all to bieces for? Vy don'd you run ces “Coxey's.” SILLIAM HHRAEY SIVITRH, Zkey "1 cannot rin avay, mein fader; Tam standting on a nickel.” STARTLING, Epurum Jounsox —* Tecket fur Dorwin Spri Licker-aGeNt—"* Over what line, please ?” tkUM JonNsox — ** Ovah de big foah, 0° coose. Ho" much?" TickxT-aGENt — “ver the Wig 4? 11-44. please !* Krunust Jouxsox—" WILA'S Me DA JUDGMENTS. CCHURCH-bells ring for other people. Most men are willing to die for their country of old age. Once your friend does you an ill turn he will never forgive you. Inherited wealth does not HE WANTED WORK BADLY. necessarily render a man des- Ht Fiver (sarcastically) —** Looking for work, en picable. Well, here's a nickel,” akfast-ta Monesr MULLIvs—"Now, pard, I'm much obliged A breakfast: fer dis nickel: but, see here: if you kin really git me a job as bank president, or railroad. hi sooner you'd take back yer money right now an’ git mie de job, THE TABLES TURNED. “Hi, there, mister! I can't hold yer mule all day fur five Voyage for clos cents.” comicbooks.com