Judge — April 28, 1894 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE ‘One copy, one vear, of s2 numbers = $3.00 jx months, or a6 numbers - 2.50 weeks hag the Cunisrmas Jupce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS— Teall for- the postal union, ‘$a year. THE JuDGe PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupce BuILpING) Cor. Fifth Ave, and 16th Street, New York. (We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation than any other American satire cal paper pubis S any and Juvce’s Quawrenty are all for sale at Brentano's, iper ‘Smith, Ainalee & Co..25 Newcastle itreet, S London The International News Co. Breams Building Chancery Lane, London: at Saar~ bach's News Exchange, Mains, Germany; The International News Con, Staphanstrasi uynand ty Ch. B. Alioth, Geneva. Switserland * FopGeann.” £27 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juvce are protected by copy- right in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. AH: ME! my pocket-book I draw with bad opinion of Laidlaw.—2. Sage. I" MAY be inferred from the departure of Brown-Sequard that the elixir of life is death, eee SENATOR HILL has some of the symptoms of protection glory, but he lacks the halo, a NE SHOULD do his moving as the expert does his chess-playing —only one move in five years. te RHODE ISLAND and every bless- ed town in every other northern state have been voting for William McKinley. . REMARKABLE how our weather works. The cold snap a few weeks ago destroyed not only the fruits but the very ice-crop. * 6] JTOPIA” is Gilbert and Sullivan with those gentlemen omitted. Its music has no sparkle and its wit is not obvious to the naked intellect. A GAMA and de Mello are men- HE'S GOT IT. This is the suburban who has been longing for spring. tioned by the Rochester Union as arrant cowards. Undoubtedly; but when one’s neck is in danger one seldom stops to discuss a little thing like that. see MBS. EDGIN of Indiana, who wants a divorce, swears that her hus- band didn’t speak a pleasant word to her in thirty-one years. Good gracious! what had the dreadful woman been doing? TEMPERANCE REFORM has not heretofore assumed the right to shoot down men who make their own choice as to food and drink. That privilege was quite appropriately originated by South Carolina. eee SOROSIS discusses the question whether fairy stories, being lies, ought to be abolished. Why. if this rule were to be generally adopted we should have no more poetry and there wouldn't be a Democratic news- paper in the entire country. HE MEANNESS that gibes at misfortune is of the kind that kicks cripples and steals of blindness; and there is enough majesty in the death of poor Owen O'Conor to rebuke even the hoarse laughter and the brutal horse: play of the cabbaye-throwers. SENATOR VOORHEES asks with profound astonishment if itis pos- sible that men would perjure themselves with regard to an income tax. We trust this excellent Daniel is not given to games of chance; yet we cannot refrain from remarking to him, “You bet."” THOMAS’S GOODNESS. HE NEW SENATOR from Georgia has three persons to thank for his advancement—Governor Northen, Spedker Crisp, and Tom Reed Had it been safe with Reed in the house, Crisp would have accepted that nomination. It is not often that the. man from Maine is kind to a political enemy, but sometimes he can’t help it. POLITICAL PARESIS. THE CRANKS in politics are continually crying out against the great army of office-holders, yet they propose to increase it by the million by giving the government control of railroads and telegraph systems, and indeed by making the state the agent for the purchase and sale of all manner of private property. It would be pleasing if these fellows might be able to see occasionally with both eyes at once. PROTRACTED RITES. HE KOSSUTH FUNERAL reminds the JUDGE of one that lasted longer, though it was not so largely attended. Mr. Smith went to Europe with his wife and mother-in-law, and the latter died at the begin- ning of the foreign tour. The remains were embalmed and carried from place to place as the tour went on, and finally returned with the travelers and were buried at home. “It was the blankest longest funeral / ever attended,” said Mr. Smith when the rites were ended. MUSIC AND THE SAVAGE BREAST. HE ITALIANS are mobbing German opera, precisely as it is mobbed in Paris. They seem to think the triple alliance is for war purposes and has nothing to do with music or the social amenities; andthe war idea is pretty thin in view of the bank- / ruptcy brought about by the Italian army. We have suggested to the kaiser that he pay the Italian war debt. If he doesn’t every German instrument taken into Italy will be so smashed, along with the alliance, that it will be impossible to save the pieces. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. WE CANNOT have the sympathy for Colonel Breckinridge which so many persons affect. The old gen- tleman should have taken warning from the first advances of the licen- tious Pollard, and thereafter studiously avoided her. That he did not do so is evidence of a partial desire to be ruined, notwithstanding his age, his dignity, and his position as an orator and a member of the church, Take this lesson to heart, aged man—when invited into a coach by a young woman of some attractions insist upon going with the coachman on the box. Oh, see to it that the horses and the pas- sions do not get away with you. HAMLET BRECKINRIDGE. THE VIRTUE of Breckinridge in denouncing his own rascality was clear stealing of the plaintiff's thunder, and the anathema was as pronounced as the dexterity of the design. Hamlet was not more happily unhappy and extravagant in his energetic conversation with Laertes at the grave of Ophelia. Fancy this from Breckinridge to Lawyer Wilson : Dost thou come here to whine? To outface me with leaping in her grave? Be buried quick with her, and so will 1; And, if thou prate of mountains, let them throw Millions of acres on us; till our ground, Singeing his pate against the burning zone, Make Ossa like a wart!” BLOOD ON THE: MOON. EAVEN SAVE this country from the crazy egotists who, having all knowledge save that of their own ignorance, propose to manage the nation and control the private affairs of their neighbors; from silver men who want to ride in blood, from anarchists, from alliance men who demand that the government shall buy their crops, from populists who have filty different ideas and nary stripe alike, and above all from the great nionopoly of a state in control of the gin business and backing its power by force of arms. We laugh at Coxey, but he is not a whit more crazy than Waite, Lewelling, Pennoyer, and Tillman. The ballot-box will presently end the rule of these cranks, though it is a terrible confession that that was the instrument of their brief success. comicbooks.com