Judge — April 21, 1894 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W, J. Ament Baxnnany Gian 1. M. Guncory, Editor TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITRD STATES AND CANADA IM ADVANCR ‘One copy, one year, or s2 numbers - $5.0 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy. for 13 weeks + ssa Including the Cunistwas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS— Teall for. ign countrics im the postal union, $6 a year. THe JuDoe PUBLISHING COMPANY (JuDGE BUILDING) Cor, Fifth Ave, and 16th Street, New York 697 We cuarantee advertizers a larger circulation than any other American satire wal paper published. Maus, Germany: ind ty Ch. B. Alioth, Genepa, Si OGRARK. $8 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juvce are protecied by copy: right in both the United States and Great Britain. Infriogement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. WHOM THE GODS love die when they can't help ity’< Sone BY ROSEBER Y— Get out of the garden, Maud.” E LOOK upon Mr. Bland as a great national calamity. THE FUNERAL of Kossuth showed that death not only had no victory in his case, but was a dismal failure. HE ELOP T of Mrs, Bofrisky and Mr. Helkosis leads to the conclu- sion not only that they are but that that is their dest in. ARNER SAYS chimpanzees talk more than gorillas, Well, for heav- en's sake! keep ‘em out of the senate of the United States. MCKANE didn’t steal several hundred thousand dollars from his bailiwick— oh, dear, no! He inadvertently mixed his accounts with his pre-election figures, JUDGING FROM the declarations of several women’s purity leagues, the evidence in a notorious case at Washing- ton has been closely and carefully read. THOSE LAWYERS ‘who demand six trials for every criminal known to be guilty are such expensive luxuries that there is talk of a few mobs by way of getting rid of them. (Photograph sent to us by S. R. CORBETT will labor to be another John McCullough, but we are pleased to say that thus far he shows ‘ot the slightest sign of the malady that poor John died of. Four WEEKS AGO a man in Cincinnati died of what he thought was © sunstroke. If there are other men in Ohio who can be fooled as easily as that their loss will be our gain. WE FAIL to find any evidence going 0 show that. Miss Pollard was shocked and indignant when the colone] spoke lightly of his several wives, Perhaps, indeed, her acts spoke louder than his words. A BILL appropriating a million dollars for the destruction of the Rus- sian thistle has been seriously discussed at Washington. Let us do better. Let us have a law guaranteeing the farmer a certain number of bushels to the acre. T IS ILLEGAL and monstrous to hang an insane man, and it is a scientific conclusion that every man sentenced to be hanged immedi- ately becomes insane. There are persons who will assume that this is a joke, but it was seriously urged in the case of Prendergast. And is there any absurdity that is too absurd for the law? LOOKING AHEAD, From a photograph of a native of*Ohio who swears he will not have his hair cut till he is assured of McKinley's election to the presidency of the United States. THE POLLARD INTELLECT. ISS POLLARD may try to elevate the stage, but the friends of so innocent and artless a girl will certainly first warn her of the dangers by which she will be surrounded. Better that she write a book. In that case she will be in no danger, and if she elevates her readers that will be satisfaction enough ‘or a person of her modest pretention and ambition. FOR THE RICH ONLY? THERE ARE INDICATIONS that the man with only an ordinary amount of money will presently be arrested as a poacher if he vent- ures to shoot or fish in any portion of the Adirondacks. The legislature of this state ought to do a little legislating for this man; otherwise he will have to be cremated after death because there won't be six feet of this entire world which he may legally call his own. THE FUSE WAS WET. MB: BANGS, who wanted to be mayor of Vonkers, was unfortunate as to his politics; but we must say that the ballots in his behalf were artistically made, and if he had got enough of them in the boxes he would be mayor at this very moment. But as things went it was a pretty failure, and we must congratulate Mr. Bangs on the rigidity of his upper lip and his general deportment during the perilous emergency. LOOK OUT FOR THE BOMB. THERE IS A BOMB on the inside of Tammany hall, and the lighted fuse may burn ten minutes or ten days—you will know when you hear the explosion and sce the walls fall out. Meanwhile Mr. Croker will be absent, and his absence may continue. Mr. Gilroy will succeed him and will pres- ently find himself undergoing a few sur- gical operations. And if Thomas C. Platt knows when he is well off he will get away from there, A LIVE, WARM WORD. N EFFORT has been made to turn down the word “ Hello” in telephone offices. You might as well try to burn an iron dog with a burnt match. It is pre- cisely the word for the business, and it is as much a part of the discovery as the machine itself. It is short, sharp, eupho- nious, decisive, alert, electric. trippingly to the tongue, and goes off with a snap. And it will live long after its enemies have ceased to utter its opening syllable. It comes RETRIBUTION, AS THEY usually say after election, there is a clean sweep in Gravesend. The town has lost its bosses, and its loss is the penitentiary’s gain. From that lit- tle corner comes a lesson that will have its effect throughout the state, and pres ently throughout the nation. As a Graves- end philosopbér recently expressed it, “You can go a great way against the people but when they turn upon you, biff! you go so far out of sight that Youcan't get back in seven years,” And that is about the period after dotiming the commutation. aoe JER FALSTAFF. de admirably in showing how the newspapers , eifthis country love to be humbugged. Without his money he would have been an ordinary vagabond with the gift of gab, and with it he has succeeded. ir fyeating wonder, some little admiration, ahd a great deal of fear on the partnf the authorities of some small towns. There are certainly cranks and tramps enovgh in this country to make a farmidable army, but the weaknesSes that make them ragged wanderers utifit them for the slightest discipline or organization. Rotoron, Delphor, Ohio.) THE TROUBLE IN THE WICKEDEST STATE. THE ERUPTION in South Carolina is a natural result of the attempt of a state government to usurp a business that belongs solely to the citizen, The state has no right to sell liquor. It might as well set up corner groceries and put itself to the work of cobbling shoes. The law is the enactment of fools who have respect for nothing but their own opi ions, and the searching of private houses naturally follows it. The gov- ernor of South Carolina is a fool for giving a higher sacredness to a crazy law than belongs to human life. A bad law ought not to be broken; but it ought to be ignored, as a great many bad laws are. : comicbooks.com