Judge — March 31, 1894 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

wudge. W. J. Amwets, Bervwano Guran, T. M. Guecory, Editor. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITRD STATES AND CANADA IM ADVANCE, One copy, one year, or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers One copy, for; weeks = = Including the Cumstaas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—Tealt for. dign countrics in the postal union, 1 Sa year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupcE BurLpinc) Cor, Fifth Ave, and 16th Street, New York. C87 We guaransee advertisers a larger circulation than any other American satire cal paper published. Tae Juvoe, Juoce’s Liveany and Juocn’s Quartuury are all for sale at Brentano's, BT Avenue del Opera, Parts ; Smith, Ainslee & Co.,25 Newcastle itreet, Strvnd, London} The International News Co., Breams Building, Chancery Lane, B.C, London : at Saar bach's News Exchan : The International News Co, Stephanstrasse 18, Leipeicy Germal Alioth, Geneva, Switseria’ Cable nddress— §2~ NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Junce are protected by copy- right in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. THE TARIFF QUESTION—*How long, oh Lord! how long?” PLATT AND REID will let go the bygones in behalf of the incomes. AFTER ALL, Dr. Talmage will do his farewell tours for the most part in his Brooklyn pulpit. ee IVVER inquires, “ Why can’t a man take a trip?” and we cer- tainly know that even McKane took one. THE DAY that is celebrated by those persons who do not read the JUDGE is thought to be the first of April. DOUBTLESS the queen might have made a better premier than Rosebery, but doubtless she hardly ever did. THE HICCOUGH as a sickness anew thing. Only lately has it succeeded in bringing men to their hiccoughins. ALABAMA has hang they hunt up TH OW for honest elections and William McKinley. cappers, and when they can’t find a negro to nd flog a woman. THE LARGEST SINNER is the biggest fool, and he is reminded of it not merely on the first of April, but all the year round. TWO LIVES to the glory of Edward Murphy—that of the man who was shot on election-day in Troy, and that of the man who shot him. THE COMPLAINT of the prisoners of Haddam jail against ring for rations is well put. herring? AME of Danbury was the handsomest man and the best fellow in Connecticut. There must have been a good time when he got over. salt her- Are we not told to deal gently with the THERE IS REALLY talk of making Adlai Stevenson president, the fact having been overlooked that a few votes will be necessary to that consummation, : WE MAY REPEAT the remark of George D. Prentice when Sheridan sent Jubal Early whirling down the Shenandoah valley, “The day of Jubal E. has come.” GRACE ind flexibility are now produced in several girls’ classes in this city by exercise with the broadsword. Thus things change. The sole purpose of this weapon was formerly the production of extreme rigidity. When Willis with “instructions” went To vent administrati And Grover bid a president Resign his functions to a queen, ‘The cuckoos then, on every seat, Shocked honest men; for they'd repeat ** Cuckoo, cuckoo !” Unpleasant to the people's ear. When tariff-bills and silver laws And all the snarl of Hawaii Expose a grove(riling senate’s flaws ‘And weak-kneed imbecility, ‘The cuckoos then, on every seat, Shock honest men ; for they repeat ** Cuckoo, cuckoo !" Unpleasant to the people's ear. 'S of this state are small, but they have voices of trumpets, PURSE AND POWER OF THE JEW. HE HEBREW holds his own, The Rothschilds are largely the bank of Europe, and a son-in-law of one of them is the head of the English government. Disraeli is dead; but Rosebery is a Primrose and has the affection as well as the confidence of the queen, who dislikes Commoner Gladstone as she did Commoner John Bright, REFORM THE MAN. E ARE GOING to have pure elections. The law, the people, and the penitentiary have said it. The simple old ballot is good enough. There is no ingenuity that can prevent fraud unless the voter is reformed through fear or conviction, Go back to the simplicity of voting, but watch your man and snatch him if he cheats the ballot-box, Herein lies all the election law and gospel. SE ZRAL PAPERS of Democratic proclivities, notably the Cleveland Plain Dealer and the Yonkers Gazette, have recently had earnest and able double-leaded articles going to show that Mr. Cleveland is a great and good man, It does one good to see the Democratic soldier fighting for his own property in time of danger, his usual habit in cases of emer- gency being to turn around and shriek for the aid and courage of some- body else. THE PASSING OF THE TITLED IDIOCY. HE LORDS MUST GO. The commons can make their title elective, and the people can elect enough of them to secure their abolishment . by their own vote. Thus the snake will swallow itself and nothing of the reptile be left to show the place it has been, And now that dyna- mite has somewhat succeeded gun- powder, that is as merciful as good. Mr. Gladstone may die as well as resign, but the cause of the people goes right on. REAL COURAGE. itis spleen, HISTORY TO COME. THE SALVATION ARMY will try to colonize five thousand persons in Mexico. They might rather do it in New Mexico, where the Mormons threaten to locate; so that on some not distant day that territory might become the scene of a genuine war for religious decency—for polyg- amy as a faith will never surrender except to superior force. We do not speak of it as a mere surreptitious practice in the cast, for no community can protect itself against that ** Cuckoo ! Oh, note of fear, * Cuckoo! Oh, note of fear, CAESAR OR NOT CAESAR? NOT LONG SINCE the president was rebuked for assuming to be the senate and the house as well as the executive, and some of his sever- est critics were mien like Mr. Watterson. Now the Kentuckian rises in extrefhe wrath to say that the president is responsible for Democratic failure in congress, and commands him to use force of any kind at his imperial hands to bring about-tariff action and consequent reform. "Pears like there ain’t nothin’ the ornery man kin do to suit them fellers. BEWARE OF SUCH THINGS. T WAS THE FIRST OF APRIL, and Grover went jauntily along, swinging an imaginary cane and lifting his face to the warm air and the blue skies. There was a battered hat on the walk. He stopped, looked around, saw no one, and gave it a vigorous kick. Then he dropped his imaginary cane, shrieked involuntarily, picked up an injured foot and caressed it tenderly, dropped it to rub a grieved, surprised and disap- pointed leg, and said “Whew!” It had been nailed down and there was a mugwump under it. THE PARTY OF THE COWARDS. RICE, HILL AND GORMAN are protection Democrats—a paradox that kicks out its own brains, Many senators are free-traders out and out, or would be if they could get up the courage necessary to ruin the country. More Democratic senators are ignorant of the nature of their so-called convictions, and are positive in nothing but wobbling. Ah, what Democratic backing and filling and pulling and kicking this tariff business has brought about, notwithstanding the positiveness of the tariff portion of the Democratic platform. The jackass fitly represents the “Democratic party, except that the animal doesn’t always back itself over a precipice when it sees the shadows of its own ears. comicbooks.com