Judge — March 17, 1894 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DAN “1 tink some philanthropist muster builded dat little house, way out here in de woods, purpose fer us, Dewey.— de winder an'— ABNORMAL. HERE are several new diseases To bring poor mortals harm ‘There's bicycle-riders’ shoulder, And there's the tennis arm ; But the only one that thus far Has carromed, so to speak, On both victim and offender Is the fly book-agent’s cheek. FLORRNCE , PRATT MISTOOK THE FLAG. Pat (passing a house with crape on the door) —“ Begobs! Oi'm glad yez dead, ye Orangemon.” Tom —* Why, Pat, that poor fellow wasn’t an Orangeman. He died of small-pox, and the house has been quarantined fora month Pat—"Naboclish! Didn't Oi see him floyin’ the orange flag. an’ he roight on the loine av the parade?” mane N A certain locality in Vermont the farming is so poor that it is enough to bring tears to the eyes of the potatoes. and elegant steel-plate engravings. BUSINESS TACT. S MAN (in despair) —"* See here, porter! show this book-agent NT—"' While he’s coming you might glance at some of these large have to walk home?” GER. —De door is locked ; but jest gimme a boost till I git me legs troo ——drop "—!—!—1"" WISER THAN SOLOMON. FTER his mother had got through paddling him the boy, who had neither whimpered nor shed a tear during the ordeal, calmly remarked, “Well, father was a wiser man than Solomon.” “What do you mean by that, sir?” she asked sharply. “I mean that» Solomon had seven hundred wives.” THE DIFFERENCE. Gentleman —""Rastus, can you tell me the difference between a jhotel-porter and a sleeping-car por- ter?” % *Rastus—* Well, sah, ‘bout seb- en dollahs a day.” TOO EARLY, Featherstone—"1 picked a win- : ner at the races yesterday.” out.” Ringway —“Then you didn’t Featherstone (sadly)—"* Yes, I did. There were five other races after that.”” A CLUB INCIDENT. ‘ARE not what his name or place,” Cried Smith, his face all flaming hot ; ** I'll kick that man and slap his face Who said that word, nor care I what The deed may cost me when ‘tis done— Tl thump him if he weighs a ton !” “ypc Smith's fellow-clubmen ‘round him drew And sought t@ soothe his blazing ire ; Whence came the insult no one knew, Wherefore Smith's anger burned the higher. ** I'll hunt that man,” he told each one, * And kick him if he weighs a ton !” A PLEASANT MEMORY. First Frozen MAN —‘* Do you remember that delightful day last summer when it was ninety-nine degrees in the shade?” SECOND FROZEN MAN—"* Ia-ha-a !* Up rose young Brownleigh then, and strode Unrufited, calm, and five feet high, Straight where the insulted clubman glowed. ** [said it, sir,” quoth he, “and T Repeat it trebly. Durst go hence And try thy skill at thrust and fence 7” Paled then the cheek of Smith and fled The dangerous lustre from his eyes. * Thave no feud with you,” he said ; “I'll touch no man of common size; But who so flouts my father's son, T'll kick him—if he weighs a ton.” M&S TOMER, A DECORATED FLAT, comicbooks:com