Judge, 1894-03-10 · page 6 of 16
Judge — March 10, 1894 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous sketches satirizing various aspects of late 19th/early 20th-century American life: **"Everything Goes"** and **"Getting Their Money's Worth"** mock how financial hardship affects all classes—even clergy lose faith, and tour drivers cynically exploit tourists' desperation to feel they've gotten value. **"He Needed It"** is a simple drunk joke about a diner needing help to his room. **"Hard as a Plymouth-Rock"** puns on toughness: a butcher sold inedible chicken meat, claiming it was a Plymouth-Rock breed. **"The Boys Were Posted"** satirizes education: when asked to name famous scientists, schoolboys name boxers Corbett and Mitchell and wrestler Sullivan—suggesting popular sports figures overshadow intellectual achievement in public consciousness. **"Publishing as a Business"** mocks vanity publishing, where authors must buy their own printed editions. The remaining sketches use Irish dialect humor and class-based jokes typical of the era's comedy conventions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
150 EVERYTHING GOES. NOT only are bankers and business men by the state of It even extends its ill effects to the parson’s stock-in-trade. For as he goes to comfort and cheer sad souls at their lot repining He has to deduct about fifty per cent, from his ‘ings dismayed ; “cloud with a silver lining.” CAROLYN WRLLS. GETTING THEIR MONEY'S WORTH. THE hotel-coach was filled with a crowd of happy, jubilant visitors, and the horses toiled splendidly up the hills. As each emi- nence was reached, and at every turn in the road, the crowd would burst forth into cries of wonder and delight at the magnificent scenes which burst upon their view. The mountain Jehu alone preserved a dignity and silence which rather awed the others. At length, after a particularly lovely view had HE NEEDED IT. Warrer —“‘ Is there anything else I can help yo’ to 2” Diner—" Yesh (hic); kin'ly help me to my (hic) room.” DIFFICULT TO LOCATE. Raccep urcnin— ‘*Now see id! ¥ d me clothes.” Where ?” T don’t know Racceb urcuin where, but I heerd it rip. been passed, one of the guests at the driver's left hand remarked, “You don’t seem to take much interest in the scenery. No doubt it’s an old story to you.” The driver shook his head. “ No, that’s not it,” he answered; “I just don’t care.” Then he leaned a little closer and whispered, “ But I knows just how you folks must feel, You all come from a long distance just to see things, and you're bound to enjoy it anyhow, so as to get your money's worth and not feel as though you was cheatin’ yourselves. Oh,” said this driver in a superior tone, “/ don't mind it when I understand how 'tis.” HARD AS A PLYMOUTH-ROCK. Customer —“ What kind of a chicken was that THAT IS DIFFEb T can never marry But mine is a jewelry-shop.” you gave me day before yesterday ?” Butcher—'& Plymouth-rock, ma‘ai Customer—" Yes; 1 thought it cut like one.” PUBLISHING AS A BUSINESS. S*ETAVE you found a publisher for your book 2” “Yes, A celebrated firm too.” “Of course they expect you to bear a part of the expense.” “No, They merely require me to buy the whole edition.” THE BOYS WERE POSTED. Teacher (to members of the class)— “Having enumerated the principal poets, orators and statesmen, I will now ask you to give me the names of three men famous for their science.” Half a dozen voices (all answering at once)—" Corbett, Mitchell and Sullivan.” WHERE IT COUNTS. Cook —* Yis, mum. Oi've decoided to take the place wid yiz. Oi foind ye've sucha very good characther at the intilligince-office.” 2—THAT IS DIFFERENT, Sue—"' Take me, darling!” comicbooks.com