Judge — March 3, 1894 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

132 SHOWING HER HOW TO DO IT, JUDGE WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE. Briggs —"1 just got a long letter from an old school-mate of mine, I can tell you, it recalls old memories.” Griggs —" Yes. 1 should think it might.” * Why, I haven't heard from that fellow for years. Griggs —" What did he say?” Briggs —" Oh, he referred to the time when we had been school-fellows and playmates to- gethtr.. He wrote about the watermelons we had stolen, the traps we had laid, the stream that we went in swimming in—in fact, brought up my boyhood again before me.” Griggs— “Didn't he refer to his life since 1. HANNAH (the cook, to o ( then?’ Rosa, the maid)—" Now, I'se gwine toa funeral to-morrer, an’ Briggs— oll have to startde Gre yo'selt, “Oh, yes. He ney ; I'll jes’ show yo" how to = : pip ie told me all about it. Just what he JUDGMENTS. had been doing T 1S a mistake to ever be up tothe present too willing. ; time.” Honesty is the best policy: Griggs— but it isn’t life insurance. “Well?” Forgive your friend twice ; Briggs your enemy a hundred times. It is only selfish people who mind their own business. With most people the fear of the Lord is never so strong as the fear of being ridiculous, If mourners really dressed in accordance with the depth of their grief, most widows and widowers would start out with half-mourning. The polite fictions of life —** So glad,” “ So sorry,” “ Not at home,” “ We hope,” “ Come again” —do with- out them who can? Do away with them who dares? EVERY DAY IN DAKOTA. Fatr plaintiff (to clerk of Dakota court)—" Has the judge's decree in my case been filed yet >” Clerk —" Not yet.” Fair plaintiff —"\ ain't a free woman until it is filed, am 1? Clerk —“ \t is necessary to enter the decree first.” Fair plaintiff —* Won't you be kind enough to enter it right away then?” “ Well —what ?” — After yo' gits de wood an’ coal all in de stove yo’ measures out ‘bout a pint ob ker'sene ile, so. — c l See 3. ——Den—yo' mus’ be very 'tickler “bout dis p'int, chile—befo’ yo’ lights dat fire yo’ takes an’ pours de ker'sene ile in like dis, an’ "—— gest sort. There's a gentleman waiting out- side to marry me.’ TWO. Excited individual (rushing into drug-store)—“ Have y phone? my house.” Clerk —"Yes, sir. there.” Clerk (mechanical the number ?” Excited individuai “It’s twins.” P EACEMAK cracked heads. NEVER TOOK WATER. 1, WaTeRS—"" It's a downright pity, Sam, that T always have to loon to find the bravest man of my old command.” ys—"* Sorry, kernel be where the balls came thickest, but you know my failin's—I allers liked to sured, how would you like your husband's insured?” good to me at all. better dead than alive, bad luck to him !" I want to telephone out to Excited individual (ten minutes later)—"* Well, how much is it?” Sand fools carry NOT WORTH INSURING, INSURANCE AGENT—"' If you do not want your own life in- Mrs. Mutpoon — “* Me husband, is it? Shure he's no Insured, is it? It’s th’ loike av him that's Griggs—* Well, how much money does he want to borrow ?”” TOM MASSON, DANGERS OF REVIVALS. oe SFE here, stranger,” said the tall, broad-shouldered. backwoods Kentuckian; “ef you're a revivalist, or whatever they call ‘em, you'd better make tracks from this part of the country. We ain’t in love with your business.” “ My friend, you amaze me. What has occurred to draw out the opposition to the men who are struggling to save souls?” “ Stranger, the last meetin’s was held here three years ago. Durin’ the religious excitement Bill Stubbs, Jim Hall and Hank Weaver told as how they had each killed a man, and, stranger, I'll be blowed ef the sheriff didn’t have ‘em at the end of a rope in less 'n seventeen months. Now, we don’t want no more widdies and or- pherns in this here com- so you jest cut sticks fer the next county.” 'IMPERTINENT. Stranger —" What business are you in?” Revivalist— Saving souls.” Stranger —* Com- mission or salary?” ou got a tele- Right back ly) — “ What's 2 (glaring ) — 5." Blame if 1 didn’ clean fergot dat misabul fire was a-gwine !” comicbooks.com