Judge, 1893-12-02 · page 7 of 16
Judge — December 2, 1893 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple unrelated satirical vignettes typical of Judge's format: **"An Epitaph"** is a darkly comic poem mocking sentimental Victorian romantic excess—a grieving fiancé so distraught he plans to be buried next to his deceased beloved to "woo her in the clay." **"Redeeming Himself"** depicts two police officers (Irish immigrants, suggested by dialect) boasting about past arrests, with one spotting a "diamond" in a ball-ground—likely a con or misidentification playing on working-class humor. **"In St. Petersburg"** jokes about Tsar Nicholas II's detachment—an American minister asks about turkey preference at Thanksgiving; the Russian emperor replies absently about Constantinople, missing the point entirely. The satire targets perceived Russian imperial indifference. **Other sections** include brief gags about Thanksgiving traditions, elevator banter, and business transactions. The illustrations complement each joke with sketch-style drawings typical of early 20th-century American humor magazines. The page exemplifies Judge's mix of social satire, ethnic humor (common then), and absurdist comedy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN EPITAPH. In memoriam my fiancée, non est. N THE churchyard, peaceful, quiet, far from all the noise and riot Of the dusty, musty city and society's dissipation, With the daintiest of noses and with cheeks like quonlam roses Upward turned to meet the creepers of the verdant vegetation, Crowned with rippling ringlets flaxen, lies the body, coldly waxen, Of the sweetest little maiden ever draped in sombre shroud ; And her coffin (which is rose-wood, silver-mounted) 1 suppose would Rouse the envy of her neighbors, all a grave and ghastly crowd Should some hollow-chested phantom, ribbed fantastic (ghouls transplant ‘ent !) Seek to win my mould ring mistress in her worm-infested tomb, While with ardor told, Byronic, he declares his love platonic, ‘Asks in accents low, laconic, to be her skeletonic groom— Whilom mortal! ex-consumptive ! should he be so vain, presump- tive, May her answer, cold and clammy, his posthumous passion slay; Yet I cannot be contented, so a lot next hers I've rented, ‘And to-morrow I'll be planted and I'll woo her in the clay. REDEEMING HIMSELF, Conroy (the cop)—"* I see a diamond.” Vere?” Over in the ball-ground. Ha, ha, ha! One on you, Glossy. That's the time I soaked yer.’ Grossperc—‘‘Ach ! dere goes two drunks.” here?” dot vagon, Haw, haw, haw! Dot's de time I soaged you und re- IN ST, PETERSBURG, *S\VHAT part of the turkey do you prefer?” asked the American minister at his Thanksgiving dinner. HE BELIEVED THE COMIC PAPERS, h? Constantinople, replied his imperial dropped a nickel in the slot — majesty of Russia absently. REMEMBERS THE PUMPKIN. Tioucn the glutton may think this a Thanksgiving, fable The small boy, as usual, is fly. No matter what else may be placed on the table He always leaves room for the pie. IN THE ELEVATOR. HIS BARGAIN. Head of the firm—Ah, new boy? What shall CLAM—"A shrimp offered me some damaged I call you?” If price.” Darke elevator-boy—" My name’s Cromwell.” Suppose you snapped it up immedi- Head of the firm (kindly but absently) —" Oho, Cias (with a far-atway look)—"* Yes; I closed Cromwell! Any relation to Oliver?” with him at once.” HOW HE WAS REWARDED. Cnartiz Harpup—"' Oh, yes; I was awarded some medals for some of es;,1 was aw f Express-messexcer—“' Forty-eight dollars and a half charges on box of my stuff at the fair, but they haven't arrived yet. Mighty good thing I sent a sssrean number, wasn't" (A’nock on door.) medals from Chicago, sir,’ comicbooks.com