Judge — November 25, 1893 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE RELIEVING THE SITUATION. ‘¢ THE duchess of Banbury was at Mrs. Lyon-Hunter’s last night. She went to sleep before the whole company just after dinner.” “ Very embarrassing to the hostess who had invited the guests to meet her.” “Oh, she’s never at a loss. She immediately turned’ down the lights and asked Professor Longhaar to try his hypnotic powers on the company.” “TO WHAT BASE USES.” Mr, Waterbury—" Maria, where's the last one of my natural-wool under- shirts?” ; Mrs. Waterbury—" 1 took-it for * a pen-wiper, it had shrunk so.” 4. Mrs, FLatTe—"* Here, Mary, is an old dress of mine that you can have.” A GIFT AND WHAT CAME OF IT, SUSPICIOUS. [7 WAS at a public reception, where politics predominated. Mrs, O’Mur- phy, the wife of a high official, was intro- duced to a young man of Knickerbocker descent and great prominence. The be- jeweled, overdressed lady scanned the young man suspiciously and gave him the tips of her fingers, remarking at the time, “Misther O'Mur-r-phy tills me thot yez goes round a grate dale in New Yark society. shtrange now Oi niver mit yez befor.” A NECESSARY QUESTION. Malcolm —"\ see that friend of yours has broken up agai MR. GOLDGRABBER ET AL. S6VES,” said Mr. Goldgrabber to the friendly cop as he wheeled a case of fifty-cent shirts on to the sidewalk in front of his store the other morning ; “yes, my vile she's god goin’ again, Vot you dink she gif me fer breagfasd? Noiting bud a cub ohf blag coffee. Dot's all since lasd nighd. Und she say she sig ohf de sigd ohf me round der shtore und 2. => vish I'd ged oud und leaf. I can‘d stand id mudg longer. 2. MR. FLatte—“Ah, there is my. little : ee MB Fe Ah, there : Eferypody likes me bud her. I go fe. 1 he vith a kiss.’ al tanh oud to pay a bill or order goots, or Foyer —" Which is it this time—his company or his home establish- ment ?” STANDING ON END. Elocutionist —"\t_ is wonderful: to note the effects of my art on some audiences.” Victim —* What nation or race is the most susceptible ?” Elocutionist —* The negroes. When 1 was down south once I recited “Lynched for a:Watermeldn;’ ahd as the audience dispersed it was observed that the hair of an old darkey.in,the top gallery was as straight as yours.” ~ MODERN METHODS. ~ x Visitor —" Mercy’ Do you teach these little onés such horrid doctrines is as‘ An eye for an eye*?” Teacher—" Oh, yes + You see, this is a kindergarten for the chil-” dren of our eminent pugilists.” THE IDEA! Msg Summit —Nou didn't 1 go to my lodge, und eferypody shmiles, und eferypody shakes hands, und eferypody say ‘Hullo, Mr. Goldgrabber!" und ‘How are you, Mr. Goldgrabber?" und ‘ Haf a cigar, Mr. Goldgrabber’, und I feel so goot as nefer vas; und den I come home here und my vife she gifes me der devil. Ach! I vish I vas dead somedimes alreatty, und den she pe sorry. Bud mebbe not; mebbe not. Mebbe she pe glad.” And heaving a dismal sigh Mr. Gbldgrabber went inside and blew the dust off the neckties. 4 Mal TRACKED: to its end—The rail- 3. Mary—"' Murde thieves!” Ip! fire! ! road bow to Miss Penstéck, when you met her on the avenue yesterday. Miss Palisade—" Bow to her!: Why, she: énly had seven lay- should say not ers in her cape.” Well, T “AN UNFORTUNATE ENDING. Doctor —" How are you’ getting on with that cod-liver oil I gave you?” Daskaway —"1' took one dose of it and then got sued for damages.” Doctor —'* What do you mean?" Dashaway— the head." A WARM SHOULDER. | Etcalf- RETRIBUTION, the influenza Visitox—" What is number ninety-one?" JaiLon—" He's a lifer. He originated the mother-in-law, the tramp, the young wife's first biscuits and the smart-boy jokes. id pepper all suber.” Metcalf —" Atchoo! atchoo ! evedigs are cool, ad by fiadceé ’s had her waists Do, but the The bottle hit a passer-by on “What's the matter, old boy? Got 4, MR. FLatTE—" But, my dear wife, let me ex plain.” Mrs. Fiatte—"' Explain! How can you explain, you false villain? I shall go home to papa this very day.” comicbooks.com