Judge — November 4, 1893 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MR. GOLDGRABBER ET AL. said Mr. Goldgrabber to the friendly cop the other morn- ing, as they watched a new saloon in the process of “going in" across the way; “yes de saloons is all righd. Leaf dem alone. I vish dere vas von on efery gorner. Dey help bay tagses. Vat is wrong is de beople dot go in- to dem. You should go righd along undil you ged to de lasd saloon pefore you ged to your house, und den puy von glass ohf peer und ged to ped righd avay quig. Yes, sir; de saloons vas all righd if you led dem alone. You don'd see no drungen Chews or no Chew pums. Dey know too mudge.” But at this moment a tattered old gentleman with a red nose and a bleary eye came up and, doffing his hat with the air of a Chesterfield, said, “ Shentlemens, could you led a ree, shpegdable Chew haf fife cends fer a breagfasd 2” And Mr. Goldgrabber suddenly disappeared inside. JUDGE EPIDEMIC IN THE FAMILY. soMyY GREAT-GRANDFATHER was a lawyet remarked the lad with considerable pride. “So was grandfather, and father has been a member of the bar ever since I can remember.” “It seems to bea sort of epidemic in your family.” “T believe it is," he replied. “And I guess mother 's caught it too, for pa’s friends say she is always laying down the law to him.” ON TRUST. First speculator (philosophically) —“ Well, my boy, we've got to take lots of things on trust in this world.” Second speculator (gloomily)—" I'd be mighty glad to get them,” AN INSULT. Friexp—'* What's the matter, Frenchy?” PARLIAMENTARY EXPRESSION. * Laid on the table.” A QUESTION. POETS and scholars have always cried ‘That wealth was a source of woe; But since it's something they never tried How do they know? A WORLD'S-FAIR RELATIVE. First Chicago woman —"W the last of my world’s-fair relatives has gone home.” Second Chicago woman —*Was he a near relative?” First Chicago woman—" Yes; be is my husband's brother's first wife's mother's son-in-law.” GENUINE SYMPATHY. Pat—"Oh, but Oi'm sorry t’ hear yez broke yure leg, sor. Phwich leg was it?” Mr. Home—" The right one, Pat.” Pat—* Phwhat a pity it warn't th’ lite" OF ANCIENT ORIGIN. SeTHE serpentine dance is really very old.” VALKYRIE VS. VIGILANT. HE BET 2 V upon the ., Yet when the race was done He found that he had lost his V, Although the I’, had won, “Why, I thought it was the most modern of all.” indeed; it was originated when Eve waltzed out of the garden Frencny—"' Ze matter enough! I ask ze bar-tender to gif me one drink of ze American wheesky, Very well; he deed so. And zen I say *Zat ees good. What do you call him? ‘He zen say—ze eengrate !— “Bourbon wheesky.’ And I a republican!” WANTED TO COMPROMISE. TOWERING son of Anak from the Green mountains deposited his portmanteau in front of a boot-black’s stand near the Grand Central station the other day, and taking a seat in one of the chairs projected a pair of feet that looked like a section of a tan-yard. When the dusky Neapolitan who presided at this shrine beheld the 4 vast expanse of rawhide his face blanched to a pale olive-green. Ex- tending a nickel to his gigantic cus- tomer he said timidly, “Taka five centa, boss, and goa away. We calla it square.” MAGNIFICENCE. 66 NOW," said the girl with golden hair, ** My lot with joy is fraught ; Tam the proud possessor of A gilded dome of thought.” GOOD REASON WHY. Mrs. Twillers—"You do not wash my clothes clean.” Mammy ne—"Whad do yo' ‘spect frum de Croton water? Yo’ want me t’ use ‘pollinaris ?” A MATTER OF PRIDE. First AcTor— What's Footlights so stuck up about ?” : . SECOND AcTOR—"' Oh, he’s putting on airs because a hackman just asked him “FILLING OUT A citECK.” if he wanted a carriage, comicbooks.com