Judge — September 2, 1893 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Baunnano Gitas. Editor. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. ONFTED STATES AND CANADA, IN| ADVANCE One copy, one year, or s2 numbers = $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 2.30 One copy: for 1 yweeks - - - tas Including the Cwrrstmas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—Tealt for ign countrig inthe petal union. year. THE JuDoe PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupce BuILDINc), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th Street. New York. ©27We puarantee advertiters a larger circulation than any other American satirt- cal paper publihed. The Joe is for sale at Brentana', 17 Avenue deOpera, Paris: Neweastt ‘i 4 sith, Ainslee & at Saarbach's News Exchange. oo. oH F ae lieth, Geneva, Switserland. Mainz, Germa’ Cable addr te street, Strand, ind ty C * Juoce, 27 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juvce are protected by copy- right in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. SENATOR HILL got in his relief bill with a rapidity worthy of great praise. cee THE FIRST THING the lady managers ought to do is to manage themselves. HEV TERN holy of holies— “Our lives, our firesides, and our sacred silver.” HE BACHELOR is the soul of selfishness, and happy is the woman who can’t get him, M8: CROKER looks upon Bourke Cockran as the most omplished deserter in the Demo- cratic army. THEY TELL of a person in De- troit who has two tongues. ‘They say he is a man, but we know better. THE PEOPLE of Colorado have quietly intimated to Governor Waite that they don’t want to wal- low in their own gore—they prefer that of some other persons. ARY WALKER lost a dia yo". mond pin, and said the person who stole it would dle within three days. We don’t know that anybody has died, but Father Holman looks sick. ‘sP)ON'T HOARD your money.” says a contemporary. This isn’t meant for Mr. Carlisle, but governments and the people are very much alike and you can’t help it. ‘SGHALL WOMAN mount the bicycle?” inquires somebody. That is not the question, sir. The question is, how shall we get her off of it without breaking her heart and her spinal column. R appeared at the world’s fair, and a policeman saw him hug fifteen girls before arresting him. Then the crowd of girls was so large that he had to be taken in. OLD UNCLE THURMAN says ke can’t tel, for his part, what made the panic. Call it gout, uncle—gout and rheumatism. They're mean enough to account for anything, as you know, and they come as acar to it as most of the other theories. OMSTOCK and some ladies condemn the eastern dancers at Chicago, and some other ladies say there is nothing wrong in them or their dancing. Perhaps the conservatism of the midway view is the correct conclusion; though we kuow, dear reader, that you will go and see for yourself. CONSOLATION. THE MAN who draws his money out of a suspected bank and loses it on the races is not much of a philosopher; but he may think it is more satisfactory to curse his stupidity than the assumed dishonesty of the officials of the bank, that being an uncertain quantity and not within range of his vocal ammunition. THE SHRINKAGE AT THE BUNG. COLONEL WATTERSON proposes to issue paper on a whisky col- lateral, The whisky in the government vaults would grow better and more valuable the older it got, he says. Very true, colonel; but we might have several Democratic administrations, and in that case there wouldn't be a quart of security for an avalanche of funds. JUST A HINT. NEWSPAPER that keeps the same reading-matter on its editorial page day after day shows very little respect for its advertising col- umns. If it wants the stuff read why doesn’t it assume that it will be as well read in the space provided for such purposes? The Albany Argus ought to know enough to know that, if the New York Herald doesn’t. OPTIMISTIC, A DEMOCRATIC PAPER says that, after all, the country is in. the best possible condition. “I congratulate you on your measles,” wrote a facetious man to a fellow-sufferer. “Don't you want some of . my itch? Measles are of no good kg i in comparison with that. It’s the Le fweicome [ ray kind that lasts seven years, and = 5 whatever the doctors say you al- ways know what you've got BABYLON IS RISING. SOME WHITE-CAPS in south- er Indiana tried to lynch two brothers named Conrad. At the opening of hostilities four white- caps were killed and another had his eyes shot out. Subsequently three white-caps were found dying in the woods, and the brothers an- nounced that they proposed to kill three more. The white-caps of that region have amused themselves. by whipping and killing for some time, and what a just and amusing rule it is that works both ways. IS KNOWLEDGE ECCEN- TRICITY? S¢ALTGELD,” says Ignatius Donnelly, “is a hero.” What is the reason that so many of the few men who have more than the av- erage apportionment of brains find it advisable to oppose popular opinion in everything they do and say? Is it the vanity that covets notoriety? Is it a result of more and better powers of analysis? Is it the greater know!- edge that is the dangerous thing? We say to Donnelly, beware! Other- wise he will presently be ranked among such western gushers as Waite and Ingalls. THE SLIDE WALTZ. “ Dey's no use talkin’, Mistah Rafbone ; I sartinly does laik t’ waltz wif Mah feet nevah touches de groun’.” STOP THE FAIR! THE LADY MANAGERS of the Chicago fair are given to long and fierce discussions, to hysterics, to misery, tears and despair; and it is a melancholy fact that no discussion settles anything, the lady managers alone excepted. We learn from this what ladies in a managerial capacity can do, though more especially what they cannot do; and there are ad- mirers of the sex who look to the end of the fair with ardent desire, that being the only road to peace, to avoidance of shocking spectacles, and possibly to escape from a frightful calamity. THE EXCELLENCE OF COWARDICE. MB. CLEVELAND says in effect that there is no use of pressing the tariff business; that by way of escaping calamity we had better let it alone temporarily, and that really nothing radical will occur when the tariff is changed, “This is a fine compliment to Major McKinley, but it looks as if Mr. Cleveland's party had got back its old cowardice and would like to crawl out of its own storm, Let us not be harsh, however. Let us recall the lingual dexterity of the man who had run away, previously putting his wife under another man’s protection. “I am not a coward,” said he, “but I feel uneasy.” comicbooks.com