Judge, 1893-08-12 · page 5 of 16
Judge — August 12, 1893 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short satirical pieces typical of late 19th-century Judge magazine: **"A Confession"** mocks New York legal practice, with a judge asserting that lawyers need "cheek and influence" rather than brains—skewering courtroom corruption. **"Two Vacations"** contrasts a girl who spent lavishly on a long resort trip (returning broke) with one taking a brief vacation who returns engaged with a diamond ring—satirizing women's priorities and marriage-market calculations. **"Racy Colors"** features an Irish immigrant (indicated by dialect) complaining that "fast colors" shirts aren't actually colorfast—a play on words mocking both poor product quality and possibly the vendor's honesty. **"Boston Girl"** parodies pretentious intellectual women who admire abstract philosophy and Robert Browning over actual beauty. **"Coals to Newcastle"** jokes that an Irish man returned corn-salve because the recipient (appears to be boxer Jim Jeffries) already sells salves himself—referencing a famous contemporary athlete. The page uses ethnic stereotypes and class humor typical of the era's satirical journalism.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A’ CONFESSION, Mrs. Coxover—"* My son has_devel- oped such a wonderful brain that Ihave about determined to make a lawyer of him.” Juvce Bencner—'*He doesn’t need brain, madam, for New York practice.” Mrs, Conover—"* You surprise me!" Junce Bexcner—" It's a fact, though. Cheek and ‘inflooence’ are the only requi- sites.” HER HAPPY THOUGHT. CeLPER entertainment will alway most memorable one.” “Why so?” “There were no souvenirs.” bea TWO VACATIONS. THE itl who took five trunks and stayed Nine weeks at a swell resort Came back to town, poor, luckless maid, Like a shipwrecked bark to port ; While the girl who went for ten days or so, With Came back with a young man’s heart in tow And a brand-new diamond ring. MADRLINE §. bx awl-strap and a swing, CLEARLY A FRAUD. Mullins "1 was at a seance the other night when the spirit of Horace Greeley wrote a slate-message.” Kildugf—" Could you read it?” Mullins —" Yes.” Kildugf—* Then it was a fraud. It wasn’t from Horace.” ‘em in the wash an’, RACY COLORS. Jermy WeiGunack—" Them last shirts I bought here is jest as ye said.” SALESM. Our goods are always as we say." BACK—"* Ye said they was fast colors.”” Savesman—' Yes, sir.” Jexmy WeIcuBACK—"An’ they be. Why, mother she put y gol! when she took ‘em out them colors gent ter come along, git stuck on me frank mug, take me inter pardnership, give me his only daughter in marriage, an’ leave me all his money.” A DRAWBACK. 64] T IS too bad Sue Brett is so tall.” “Why? She looks very fine on the stage.” “T know; but she can’t possibly kick as high as her head.” BOSTON GIRL (LOQ.). WITH charm superior I'm imbued Than evanescent pulchritude, I would/attract those who respect Preponderance of intellect ; Who gaze with aye in the abysms Of all the ‘ologies and ‘isms ; Who'll join me in the sentiment To know what Browning meant he meant, COALS TO NEWCASTLE, Druggist—" Did you take that corn- salve around to Mr. Jeffries?” Pat—"Oi did, an’ Oi bro’t it back agin.” Druggist— What's the matter?” Pat—""Twas th’ wrong number. The man thot lives there has salve fer sale his- silf. He's his soign an his dure-mat.” GETTING THE WORTH OF HER MONEY AT THE FAIR, Suz—" What's the price per hour?" CHtainman—" Sivinty-foive cints,— —Howly hivens!" comicbooks.com