Judge — July 15, 1893 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wo). Aunt. Baxwnaro Gian. 1. M, Gencony, Editor. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IM ADVANCE, One copy, one year, or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - £50 One copy: for ij weeks = = has Including the Cumstmas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all for- ign countries im the postal w $6 year. THe JuDoz PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupGe BUILDING), (We guarantee advertiser: cal paper published. The Jovan is for sale at Bi Go a5 Neweastie sivget, Stra than any other American satirt- 17 Avenue de 0 Opera, Paris: Smith, Ainslee & ), London, Encland: at Saarbach's News Exchange, 7 Alioth, Geneva, Switzerland. Cable adderert—" JuocRAnx. 27 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juoce are protected by copy: right in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted, T# ERE IS but one safe rule. You must never bet on the favorite. Ol. THAT this too, too solid flesh would melt, thaw, resolve itself into adieu.—G. Cleveland. eee +O YVHERE STANDS GROVER On the hay-scales, we think. eee ‘THE PROSECUTION in the Bor- den case—" We cannot tell a lie— we did it with our little hatchet.” [7 MAY be said of our president that, having been weighed, he tips the scales at about three hundred. eee " asks the Commercial Advertiser, are so ingenious that if they are given a ribbon they will immediately build a bonnet around it, Some WOM POSTMASTER DAYTON was a copperhead, but we must remem- ber that he has had his teeth: pulled and cannot bite. THE MEMORY of Mr. Hobart Chat- field Chatfield-Taylor is so tena- cious that it never omits a-syllable’ of the gentleman's name. W. © WHITNEY is being coached for ‘96, The Democratic is an * anti-monopoly party, with a proviso in behalf of William. eee MB. WANAMAKER says he wants no dividends from a fair that is kept open on Sunday. Dear, good soul! what a terrible affliction his tender conscience is. eee ‘THE SHRINKAGE in values is so great as to be startling. Financiers are agitated on the subject, but we beg merely to state that a man in Nebraska has started a mustard plantation. S¢PAY FOR BULLION in Voorhis of Rochester. s," says Congressman Van so far as the owners of HILE IT 1S TRUE that a swarm of mosquitoes carried off a horse in New Jersey the other day, it is only fair to admit that they brought back his bones the very next day. EVIDENTLY there was a police conspiracy to hang Lizzie Borden, and it was backed by perjury. If she had been hanged that would have been murder; but perjury is at least a penitentiary offense. AN EFFECT OF SUSPICION. THE DEPORTMENT of Lizzie Borden at various times while under suspicion had much to do with the trial of the lady. Now the LONG RANGE. x * Keacious! I gan see yoost like a baby mit dose glasses.” innocent person in that situation shows more guilt, according to popular judgment, than the guilty one, An adept in crime acts and looks inno- cent, while the innocent is overwhelmed with the shame involved in sus- picion. This is not news to most persons, but it certainly is to a number who have their abiding-places in and about Fall River and New Bedford. The wonder is that Miss ‘Borden survived her ordeal sufficiently to have any deportment at all. TWO STATESWOMEN. MARY LEASE presents comprehensively the currency question in the remark, “There is absolutely not enough gold to fill the decayed teeth of the old women of America.” There really is gold enough, and the more direct question is, “Where is it?” It hides itself in other receptacles, in many of which it does not a particle of good. But there is a remedy. It is presented by a woman of perhaps equal capacity with Mrs. Lease. “Let us oblige the dentists," says she, “to fill the teeth of the old women of America with silver.” This, surely, will influence the laws of supply and demand as regards both gold and silver. 6 WHO IS THE MAN? THE DETECTIVES in the vicinity of Fall River, Massachusetts, apparently had the impression that they were to find out, not who killed’ the elder Bordens, but who didn’t. It was natural for them to search for the woman at the bottom of it, but it is tolerably safe to assume that where there is a woman there is also a man. The mystery.is deeper than ever. Searchers for motives had better begin to inquire, “ Who is the man?” We suppose the man is not the one from Portugal who is thought to have recently killed the Fall River young woman found dead and maltreated, because he is too ignorant and brutal, if guilty of the later crime, to have a motive for anything. THE SPIKE-TAIL FOREVER. H4viNG DROPPED POLITICS, the Hon, Henry Watterson en- ters upon a crusade in behalf of the dress-coat. What he wants is to see the swallow-tail worn at any hour of the day or night, because it is comfort- able and the best-looking coat a man can wear. “The Troy Times recalls the time, not so very long ago, when this garment was proper at any time and place; and we may add that a picture of Uncle Sam with’a frock or a Prince Albert coat would be voted incorrect. But as to dress all men and women are cowards; and the reform proposed by the star-eyed goddess will not meet with the success that charming lady has won for free trade in everything that ought to be protected. THE BICYCLE-COURTPLASTER CURE. ONSIEUR ZOLA indorses the bicycle. He says it quiets his nerves and gives him relief from prolonged sedentary employment.” We don’t remember what was done for the nerves and sedentary employment before the. bicycle came in, but the Lord managed somehow to furnish means for the preservation of life. The bicycle is, however, a great im- provement on old methods of individual locomotion, and we beg to sug- gest it to Mr. Cleveland. ‘That good man could get rid of much of his superfluous flesh if he would use it, and it wouldn't be detached altogether from his bide, either; and it would be pleasant to see him bowling along at the rate of ten miles an hour, inadvertently crushing a few persons of the general populace and an occasional office-seeker. THE TOO PREVALENT FOOL. MB. OLLIE TEALL in trying to stop the treating custom is obviously kicking against the pricks. One never drinks because he wants a drink, but because his friends do. Your drinker is the noblest of humani- tarians. He wastes hours of time waiting for and searching for thirsty friends, that he may relieve their yearnings, never thinking of his own. Sometimes he goes hungry because he dislikes to purchase a single din- ner, and again sleepless because he wants to buy lodging privileges for another, and again in ragged attire because it humiliates him to buy a single suit of clothes. It is amazing that he should marry without paying for the wedding ceremonies of his friends as well, this good, whole-souled, knock-kneed, lop-eared inanity, whose main regret is that he wasn’t born as one of a set of triplets. comicbooks.com