Judge — July 8, 1893 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

W. J. Ament. Brrynano Gittas 1. M. Gexaony Editor. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE One copy. one year, or 52 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months. or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy. for 13 weeks 5 - na, Inclading we Cwerstaas Juoce. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JuDGE BuILDING), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th Street, New York advertisers a larger circulation than any other American satiri~ ris: Smith, Ainslee & "5 News Exchange. £27 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Jvoce are protected by copy- right in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. PROVERB —There is no rose without a bug. NOW BANG THE DRUM and pick the lyre; the eagle's up and flying higher. JERSEYMAN is known from the fact that he is always reading a newspaper of the day before. [TIS GREAT privilege to be born in this country, and he is no patriot who doesn’t want to do it again. see APPLICANTS for government posi- tions will observe that the public buildings at Washington are notori- ously unsafe.—G. C. H WATTERSON . having retired * from politics, the star-eyed god- dess of reform is as dead as a door- nail, or will be for about five minutes. E WOMEN in South Carolina ¢ become white-caps. We had hoped, that that intolerable folly would be confined to idiots solely of the other sex. GET UP early in the morning and look aloft and you will find that, notwithstanding the hysterical poppy- cock about Minister Blount, the flag is still there. brice. THE LAST MAN to perish of electrocution went off as peacefully as a babe to slumber. Doubtless we shall hear soon of victims departing with seraphic smiles. se]N THIRTY YEAR ulalia, “Chicago will be the grandest place on earth.” Good gracious! we hope the earth isn’t going to deteriorate as rapidly as that. EULALIA and Mrs: Palmer hadn't been together five hours before there was a quarrel. The question was not which was first lady, we imagine, for Mrs. Palmer has surely no blot on that half of her es- cutcheon. Mas as ty DAVID M. STONE, who retires from the Journal of Commerce alter forty-three years of service on that paper, in effect that he has never written a line which, dying, he would wish to blot. If anybody could say that truthfully Mr. Stone could; and yet, taking the most char- view of it, what a whopper it is! * REVENGE WILL COME. [7 Was THOU by some that Dr. Briggs as well as the Columbian fair would be struck by lightning, and some even go so far as to think heresy because they have thus far escaped. But there must be no utter- ances of a heretical nature. We must take these disappointments, painful TRUE THRIFT, Govunncer (oho has beaten the farrier down t - I subbose I hef t’ ged schwindled, unt you can dock ohf der tail at dot Send down der part dot gomes ohf. I vas in der ubholsdery pees- hess, unt it mighd gome in fer shtuffin’ somedings.” as they are, with contriteness and the abiding hope that sooner or later there will be justice and consequent calamity. PECK. PECK, ex-labor commissioner, was a brass-mounted fraud. His fraud~ ulency was patent at a glance. He was, as well, a hypocrite and a traitor, and it was not to the credit of the Republican party that it gave him some slight tolerance. Fellows of that kind help nobody and injure nobody. They ought to be tabooed, ignored, or kicked and walloped. Probably Peck would go to the penitentiary if he were here, but it is just as well that he has fled to Europe. Let it be understood that he will be prosecuted if he ever returns. But as to Maynard? THE PENALTY OF BIRTH. COUSIN BEN FOLSOM is coming home by invitation of the presi- dent. He is a good foreign representative, and according to the civil-service regulations he ought to stay where he is; but he is a cousin of Mrs. Cleveland, and therefore. if he were thrice as good, the presidential regulation as to relationship would recall him to private life. There had been a suspicion that nothing could be more undemocratic and absurd than the civil-service reform law, but the twaddle as to nepotism caps that climax. Why should relationship bar a man out of an office he is competent to fill? Is it a crime to be related to the president? HATS. WHEN, wearing his tall hat, Carter Harrison meets a lady he tries to take the hat by the brim and pinch it in order to lift it readily, after the manner prescribed for the slouch headgear, and the consequent failure produces such profanity as frightens the lady and makes the angels weep. Anybody who has had the experience knows what it is and feels bad about it; and the curious thing about it is that he makes the mistake, if in a crowded thoroughfare, several times an hour, with the same result; and invariably asks himself, “ How did I forget about that hat so soon?” Considering that, if used to the slouch and a stranger to the stovepipe, the latter cannot and will not disentangle itself from his true in- wardness, there is a problem ds to the treacherous memory of man which ‘is hopelessly exasperating. A DEMOCRATIC PRINCESS. THE JUDGE is not surprised at the sudden departure of the infanta from the nicer proprieties at Chicago, and not half disenchanted. There is a good deal of democracy among royal personages when they have a chance to exercise it; and the prince of Wales, the grand duke Nicholas, and various other high mightinesses got so sick of the worship which Americans gave them, when they were here, that they took no pains to hide the ailment. The infanta likes good smoking tobacco and beer, late hours, and various minor indulgences. She wouldn't be the daughter of her mother and the sister of her brother if she didn't. And if she were to be confined to ceremonials' throughout her it she wouldn't have any fun and would be worried to death besides. She has a right to call for liberty or death, and Americans should be prompt to grant the appeal, A little pomp is well enough, but a. good deal of personal comfort is far better. tr00-fifty)—" Vell ALL'S WELL. HE. EAGLE has a right to scream once a year, selecting the fourth of July for the purpose; but it must be done quietly and without un- necessary noise. There is no dignity in assertion, and facts speak better. We have our’ political quarrels, and more ideas as to government than any other country in the world—some of them fairly good; but on this day we get together, wise men and fools, timid men and brave, natives and adopted citizens, and find that, whatever each may have hoped for and the rest may have regretted, all has gone well and the prospect is better than the experience that has gone by. We haven't Hawaii, because we don’t want it; or Canada or Cuba, because we don’t need them, how- ever they may need us. But we are rich and happy as a whole, and are getting more so day by day, regardless of this administration, the several gone by, and the ones to come. Wherefore shoot your guns, speak your speeches and sing your songs, for so it is going to be for at least a hun- dred years. comicbooks.com