Judge, 1893-06-24 · page 5 of 16
Judge — June 24, 1893 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical pieces typical of late-19th/early-20th-century American humor: **"Sympathy"**: A child misunderstands "converted" (likely religious conversion) as a contagious disease afflicting her friend Katie, conflating it with genuine illnesses. **"Didn't Care for It"**: A music dealer tries selling "Songs Without Words"—a real musical genre—but the customer dismisses it as following a "missing-word craze," a joke about contemporary fads. **"Vague Yearnings"**: Dialect humor depicting a Black servant admiring a Sicilian worker's cooking skills (offensive racial caricature typical of the era). **"Secularly Correct"**: A schoolchild from a G.A.R. (Grand Army of the Republic—Union veterans) family answers a Bible question about wilderness hardship by naming "General Lee" instead of a biblical figure—satirizing how Northern Republican families framed Civil War history. **"Healthy versus Morbid Views"**: Satirizes a wealthy fiancé's callous dismissal of his bride's financial concerns, joking he can't lose money since they "can't touch the principal." **"Timely Assistance"**: An Irish policeman stereotypically responds to a fainting Yale student with crude first aid.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SYMPATHY. ig)". SORRY for Katie,” said Milly to me, ‘or she cannot wear any more frizzes, you see.” “And why, little one?” I ask her with surprise, Her fluffy brown hair pushing back from her eyes. “She's got something dreadful, oh, mamma, my dear ; It's something quite common, and yet it's so queer. “T wish I could think, for I heard cook tell Winn, ‘Tain't small-pox nor measles, nor yet scarletin’. I bilieve it's kerntagious. (Oh, could I but think!) She can't go to dances nor skate at the rink Nor play cards, nor—nor—Winn said ‘be diverted.’ T have it now, ma! She's got the converted.” DIDN'T CARE FOR IT. Music-dealer—" Can't | sell you a copy of our latest ‘Songs Without Words'?” Stranger—""No; 1 don't think much of the missing-word craze.” VAGUE YEARNINGS. Mrs, Socus—‘ Whad’s yo’ droolin’ fer, Dan'l?” . Socus (speaking thickly)—"* Dat Si-cilian out dar 's godder coon ’n place ob a monk, an‘ hit's an hour befo’ dinnab.” SECULARLY CORRECT. TRACHER—"'Stop that drumming with your feet, Thomas Walrath, and tell me who it was that went into the wilderness and nearly perished.” THOMAS (twho came from a G. A. R. family)—" Gin'ral Lee.” SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. WE WATCH the winds from east and west and our hopes are answered from the south, If there is anywhere a stray gleam of sunshine or of love a little child will find it. The religious improvident trust in Providence and the unreligious improvident trust to chance. The manifestation of life, whether in the discovery of a nest of fledge- lings in a solitary place or the soft, warm touch of a little child, is a pleasure to the senses and a joy to the soul. KATHRIN GROSJRAN, HEALTHY VERSUS MORBID VIEWS. She—"1 often wonder whether if I'd been poor you would have fallen in love with me.” He—" How morbid you are! What matters it? I'm your fiancé.” : She—" What matters it? Why, a great deal, It’s this—will you love me when the money ’s gone?” He—"Nonsense! You know we can’t touch the principal.” You are rich and TIMELY ASSISTANCE, Miss Wixstun—' Won't somebody please help him? My brother, Bart- lett Winstun, has fainted.” Orricen CLANcEY (coming to the rescue with his jack-knife)—"'Tt ain't th’ oi toime Oi've seen wan o thim Yale-college dudes phin an oidea shtroikes him.” comicbooks.com