Judge — June 24, 1893 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE ‘One copy, one year, or $2 numbers - $5.00 ‘One copy, six months. or a6 numbers - 2:0 One copy: for 13 weeks arenes Including the Cunisrwas Juoce FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To alt for cigm countries in the postal wi $a year. THe JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupce BumLDING), + Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th St (BW e guarantee advertisers a larger circulat cal paper published. The \onan és for tale at Brentane's, 17 Avenue delOpera, Paris; Smith, Go a5 Neweastl street Strand. London, Eucland at Saarbach's News many ither American satiri~ are protected by copy: Infringement of this copyright will be &@ NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Ju right in both the United States and Great Britain. promptly and vigorously prosecuted. Oo". LET US ALL goto Chicago! Let us go there and kill a Colum- bian guard. wee THOMAS is half inclined to think himself the power outside the show greater than the show itself. rac HOSE PERSONS who backed out’ of ‘the presence af Eulalia showed painfully how much. they missed their hind legs. 3 : ¢¢] WILL NOT wear short dresses, says Mrs. Lease with’the utmost firmnéss. We know not when a few words have so allayed our apprehen- sion, HE OPENING of the gates at Chi- cago on Sunday has taught many. of the natives that there is such a'day. - and thus the cause of religion has been greatly advanced. OW THAT-DR. BRIGGS has been condemned, will some clergy- man preach the Presbyterian creed ex- actly as it is and preach it inthe good, old-fashioned way ? cee TEXAS WIDOW shot six bullets; pretty nearly simultaneously, into a man who had insulted her; so that he felt far worse than if she had ac- cepted his advances. MR: INGALLS is right in his as- sumption that he who is born poor is fortunate. We never think of the miserable wretches who are born the other way without a shudder, AHA! On the first Sunday the world's, fair. was open there was a cyclone in Kansas and four old persons in Massachusetts were found tion to be bald-headed. and corners of this street. ees THE REV. MR, DIXON condemns our higher society as arrogant and somewhat immoral. The gentleman should define his‘meaning more accurately.. Our higher society is that which is midway between two opposite extremes, and it is both moral and modest. A POPULIST MUGWUMP. A POPULIST of Kansas wants to abolish money and have exchange establishments after the manner of the early settlers who exchanged pelts for other values. This is the Dutchman's advance backward. One would almost think the man was a mugwump, and desired also to return to the folly of hereditary office-holding. NOT WITHOUT HOPE. CLERGYMAN thought if the gates of the world’s fair were thrown open on Sunday there would be a rain of fire and brimstone that ON WALL STREET. Orricer (to Pat, just landed, and who 1s acting rather suspicious. )—"*Lhave been watching you for an hour, poking around in hallways What are you looking for?” ‘*Qj heard thot there wuz a pil ner t'-day-an’-Oi tought mebbe as how Oi moight foind it.” would utterly destroy the exhibition. One likes to be thought wise, and doubtless he is smiting his breast now because nobody was hurt. How- ever, he can wait. He, with the opponents of Dr. Briggs, can still have faith in the judicial excellence of hell-fire. SCIENTIFIC. A GERMAN PROFESSOR notices that women, much to their chagrin, are wearing more mustache than formerly, and thinks it possible that in a century or so the mustache will be an unavoidable addition to the female face. We have observed a growing disposition on the part of the sex to kick the ceiling with the toe. Applying the same profound thought to this peculiarity, will the woman a century hence wear diamonds on her exalted feet and walk around on her humiliated ear? J. D.“S NEW GRAVE. EFFERSON DAVIS is having too many funerals. Let us hope they will not become perennial. People have a right to weep, but they needn't swash their tears continuously all over the United States. For our part, we're glad Jefferson is dead, though he certainly is entitled to some credit for that very reason, Undoubtedly the late Mr. Iscariot had some good points; but if he were to pop his hoary head out of a new grave every five minutes the charitably inclined would get so tired of him that, so far from weeping, they would hit him with a club. THAT WHICH IS IN A NAME M& MORTON, secretary of agri- culture, is resting from his severe labors at “Arbor lodge,” which is the title of his home at Nebraska City, Nebraska. We cannot see why a home should not have a name, as well as a dog or a horse or a cat; and indeed the words “Arbor lodge” probably le! the president to put Mr. Morton in Jerry.Rusk’s department. But fancy Jerry's snort of disgust as he hears of ‘Arbor lodge, and his later determin tion to call his place “ Turkeys’ roost in the hope of getting a cabinet position under the next Republican president. ONE KIND OF DEMOC- RACY. THE INFANTA attended a theat- _ tical exhibition in this city, and found the path to her box strewn with roses. After she had stepped on the roses they were gathered in by her American admirers; and when, at the close of an act and after repeated cheers, she left the theatre the audi- ence rose respectfully and remained standing until she had passed out. The democracy that refuses courtesy to royalty is wretchedly bad; but the democracy that effusively worships it is contemptible. Would this audience have been as demonstrative in behalf of the president of the United States? Grover Cleveland trusts not; and as for Mrs. Cleveland, the attehtion she attracts at theatres is, much to her gratification, such as may be given, as well as received, with entire self- respect. And beyond quéstion the family records of the Clevelands are ‘as good as those of the infanta. ww money losht here in a cor- THE PASSING OF THE CHAMPION LIAR. HE JUDGE COMMENDS Governor Flower for giving his signature to the bill making it a misdemeanor to misrepresent newspaper cir- culation, There has been too much’mean lying of that kind. The adver- tiser has been fleeced over and over again by the circulation-liars of more than two-thirds of the newspapers of this country. And it is lying to which the word robbery may properly be added, for it is done to secure money to which the liar {8 tlot entitled. Your grocer, your butcher, your tailor have to render exact Value for the goods bought of them; but the circulation-liar, further than the discount put on his figures by the adver- tiser who has good-naturedly tolerated him, has been exempt from pen- alty. This is a good law, but there can be a better—a law compelling newspaper proprietors to give their precise circulation under oath, the oath to be subjected, on call, at any time, by any responsible party, to the usual proofs by book and orders and receipts for stock. The advertiser has his rights, and the circulation-liar must go. comicbooks.com