Judge — March 25, 1893 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SOME DISTANCE TO TRAVEL. * How do th’ new tacky go, Herty ?” ‘ * It tastes foine, an’ av yez ‘ll give it toime t” git up to me KOSENSTEIN’S INGENIOUS BRAKE. Heety chimbly Oi'll tell yez how it shmells.” WORLD'S-FAIR SPECIALS FROM RURAL DISTRICTS. The Brightville Gazette says: Gondolas and Esquimaux will be among the attractions at the fair in Chicago. If the citizens of Brightville are patriotic enough to send us on to the exposition we will joyfully attend and tell all about it in our paper when we return. Farmer Toots remarked recently that if his prize pumpkin had not been made up into pies at Christmas he would have sent it on to the Columbian exposition. Sophia Barlow wishes to know if the com- mittee on liberal arts is liberal enough to send her a picture. We are compelled to answer no—but when Sophia stands before a mirror what better picture would she desire? Tom Parsons last night signified his inten- tion of visiting the werld’s fair. This morning he started out, with - exncciation of arriving at Chicago before the fair closes. It is a shame that Thomas is obliged to walk, but our best wishes go with him. Since Christopher Columbus cannot visit the fair in person why does the entertainment com- mittee not invite his namesake, Christopher C. Smith of Brightwille, to participate in the festivi- ties next summer? The question is in order, gentlemen of the committee. We received a souvenir half-dollar of the Columbian exposition the other day and bought eighty cents’ worth of goods with it—and they weren't dry-goods either. These souvenirs are great schemes, They will gladly be accepted for subscriptions. © ‘fara—" They’s not a man on th’ hill has another wan-horned goat, an’ in, the conthractor, invious wid him.” Oi'm goin’ over t' mek Der HE EXPLAINED. Mxs. Stimson —"* Pretty cold weather, isn’t, it, Bobbie?” Borate Bixco—" Yes, but you won't feel it half so much as you will next winter.” Mrs. SLiMsoN—" What makes you think so?" Bonote Bixco—"* ‘Cause mamma says your sealskin cloak can't possibly last another year.” MORE THAN MATCHED. DERRIGAN (before he notices the unigue goat), on th’ five-ligged pig me cousin sint me from Aste D One of the most notable things among the state exhibits will be the bonnet worn by Aunt Tabitha Briggs at her great-grandmother's fu- neral itt 1834. If some millionaire will present the editor with a new tile he will send the one he now wears as another valuable and ancient relic. THE HEIGHT OF FLATTERY. AROUND his grave the neighbors tread, And one and all they laugh ; It isn't that their friend is dead, But at his epitaph. REFRESHING HIS MEMORY. Chicago bridegroom —* Were you ever mar- tied before, love?” Chicago bride— Why, yes; 1 was married to you in the fall of 1888. Chicago bridegroom —1 thought there was something familiar about you.” MY SUNDAY-SCHOOL SCHOLAR. 66 JOHNNY, what was the first man's name?” Tasked. Ie answered, ‘*Adam.” “Correct ; now, Tom, the first woman's ?" ** Please, sir, and hers was m-Adam-e.” HE OFTEN DID IT. Gummey—" Did you ever take a bicycle trip, Glanders >" Glanders—"1 used to take a good many while learning to ride.” THE SMALL BOY’S PLAINT, T SEEMS that I am always sore From being ‘cross her knee ; Ma never likes to sweep the floor Unless it is with me. * Cast yure eyes, O'Hara, Yark,” comicbooks.com