Judge — February 11, 1893 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE HOW 'RASTUS FOOLED THE OLD LADY AND HER TURKEY. ry “Ef dat tukkey ‘s bread as I is fo" him T'll git hit IDENTIFYING THE DATE. seP ET ME see,” said one Chicago woman to an- other in the course of a social call, “didn’t old Mr. Cook die in 1889?” “I'm sure I don’t recall the date exactly, but I know it was the year I was divorced from Mr. Drestbeef.” “ Wasn't that the same year Iwas divorced from Mr. Lake- front?” TO MY BEST GIRL. F YOU would send a val- entine To ease my aching heart, Think not to buy it, my divine, At any common mart. As I would give up fame _ and pelf For you, there's none that's half So pretty as your lovely self ; So send your photo- graph. 5.3. o'conwett, FAR FROM HOME. Newsnoy (foking his head into Broadway car)—"' Telegram !” Uncte ENSILace SiLo—"* Great Scott, Maria! thet’s from Jobn, I'll The barn must be afire. SAVED. Witherby —"\ was walking along the street to-day and my feet got tangled up in some electric wires — when the whole cur- rent was turned on too. Mrs, Witherby —" Ob, how terrible! Did the shock hurt ——~ "Rastus—"He's a- “Oh, no, love. I'm sure it ketchin’ onter de bait.” wasn't, for the year you got that divorce I secured one from Mr. Calumet.” “Indeed, you must be wrong about that, for the year you were divorced from Mr. Calumet I got one from Mr. Shortribs. Don't you remember we were in court at the same time?” “Sure enough, and the next year I was divorced from Mr. Skyhi.” “Now you've got it right, and the year you ceased to be Mrs. Skyhi I got a legal separation from Mr. Gunnison.” Thus they succeeded in identifying the date that old Mr. Cook died. WILLIAM HENRY SIVITER, THAT MEAN OLD ICONOCLAST. Billy — She tapped a vein and then wrote him a farewell note in her heart's blood.” Gilly —" Yes, but she had the dropsy and the handwriting was so faint that he couldn’t make it out.” NEAR-SIGHTED OLD LADY—"* Don't be skeered he won't hirt yer !"” A VALENTINE. But I am bolder grown and do not fear . ‘As once I did wee Cupid's eyes of blue; You kept the flowers I sent, and will you, dear, Accept the heart of one who loves but you? DARED not look in Cupid's eyes ‘One year ago, and when I shyly sent You roses, heavy with a lover's sighs, You did not know I kissed them ere they went. you, dear ?” Witherby—" 1 didn’t feel it, my love. 1 had on a pair of those socks that you knitted me for my birthday. LLNESS should be cultivated as an art In order to be endured. *Rastus (out of sight)—" Hanged ef dat wuzn't de bigges’ haul dis nigger ever made!” EVOLUTION OF A CORK-SCREW ; OR, A NATURAL CONCLUSION, comicbooks.com