Judge, 1893-01-28 · page 5 of 16
Judge — January 28, 1893 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple brief humorous sketches typical of *Judge* magazine's satirical format: **"Can't Depend On It Every Time"** plays on the "gun wasn't loaded" excuse—a darkly ironic joke about unpredictable consequences. **"Overheard in Hades"** satirizes regional pride, with a Texan complaining hell is too cold, mocking Southern boastfulness. **"The One and the Naughts"** jokes that wealthy heiresses are valuable only because of their money ("ciphers")—critiquing how wealth defines social status. **"A Discussion"** uses animal characters (crab, earthworm, devil-fish) in absurdist wordplay about anatomy. **"A Florida Winter"** contains ethnic humor and darker satire about a widow burying her husband in swamps, then remarrying. **"Unwritten History"** is a children's joke where a New York boy mistakes "Washington" (the person) for Irish identity—mocking student ignorance. **"An Agreeable Dog"** contains a German-sourced joke about a dog allowing someone on the sofa, likely involving class commentary. The humor ranges from wordplay to ethnic caricature typical of early 20th-century American satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE CAN’T DEPEND ON IT EVERY TIME. SOYVELL, you see, he didn’t know the gun was loaded.” "Yes; I know the rest. He pointed it at the girl, the gun was discharged and the girl was killed.” “Oh, no; you're wrong. You see, the gun wasn't loaded.” OVERHEARD IN HADES. Shade—"Can I speak with you a moment, Satan?” Satan— Well, hurry. What is it you want?” Shade— Can't you give me a warmer room? I come from Texas and this place is too cold for me.” AN OFFENDED CUSTOMER. Se} JAVE you any socks? asked Uncle Clover of the floor-walker. “You will find the half-hose counter to the GENEROUS. left.” Mikr—“‘ Bad ‘cess t’ yez, Pat Hooley, Oi ain't seen “Half hose! What do you take me for?” asked — yez since lasht St. Pathrick’s day, Will yez go an’ have CANT WAIT. the honest farmer indignantly. “I want a whole ahr Witp Nep—“ Hands up!" pair. Mike—“* Thin let's go an’ tek a walk.” THE ONE AND THE NAUGHTS. ‘+SEE that pretty heiress with her admirers! Wealth is completely typified there.” How?” “It’s a case of a good figure with a long string of ciphers after it.” A DISCUSSION. HE CRAB unto the earth-worm said, “ Which is your tail and which your head?” “Don't be too smart,” the earth-worm cried. “Why does your face grow on your side?” A devil-fish just passing near Paused in his walk the fuss to hear. They, pointing to his slender pegs, Cried, ** What do you call ‘em—arms or legs?” MARY 94, SCOTT. A FLORIDA WINTER. Kate—" What! are you going to marry again & so soon? And I heard you promising your hus- cs “a HE WAS STILL BALD, band to see that his grave was kept green!" “Yes, sir; 1 am a living tg le of what thi: ir Constance" Well, you know I buried him in fTowecin don Two years ago —ab—ah— the Everglades.” Fras bald and to-day UNWRITTEN HISTORY. AN AGREEABLE DOG. TeacHeR—"* What great man has a birthday on February twenty-second?” Frienp—“ How do you like your new dog, Tom?" New York noy—'* Washington.” Tom—" Oh, pretty well. He lets me sit on the sofa with him now.” Traciter—‘And what great country is he the father of?” (From the German.) New York soy—* Ireland.” comicbooks.com