Judge — December 24, 1892 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

456 leat. MODERATION. | THERE'S nothing beats the Christmas cheer, You find, unless you should abuse ; } While Santa Claus is rather queer, He's not so rum as Santa Crus, a WiaEP DE TROP. se] THINK I'll send her a nice album accompanied by a photo- graph of myself.” “Oh, leave out the photograph. I heard her | say she had seen so much of you this season !" HiGHWAYMAN —"' Money or your life !” Boox-acent—‘* Life? Certainly! | Here's the ‘Life of General Butler’—two dollars a copy—in plain calf, tree calf, or cow calf.” UNDER THE MISTLETOE. N CHRISTMAS eve who was so gay As smiling, guileless Miss Paste? And look around, where'er you'd go You'd find her under the mistletoe ; For she was made of such warm stuff That kisses twain were not enough. This year she'll wear—or so ‘tis said— A wreath of mistletoe ‘round her head. NO DOUBT HE WOULD. Hifple—* How would you like me for a Christmas present, Miss Cash?” Miss Cash —" V'm afraid Mr. Trivvet wouldn't like it.” Hipple— Mr. Trivvet ?” Miss Cash—“Yes; you, see Ive , promised to be his Christmas gift myself.” WHEN invited to dinner don't fail To put on your best swallow-tail. ECONOMY. Datsv—"* When T get big like you, mamma, I'm going to marry a doctor or a minister.” MamMa—" Why, my dear ?” Datsy—"*'Cause, if I marry a doctor I can get well for nothing ; if I marry a minister I can be good for » nothing.” SOME THINGS YOU CAN.DO ON CHRISTMAS DAY FOR HUMANITY’S SAKE. i BEING GOLDEN EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE, SURPRISE your wife by getting up first and kindling the kitchen fire. ‘ Indulge in an outward display of good spirits, but do not encourage an internal q application. n If you go to church resolve to keep awake at all hazards, but if you do happen 5 | to doze once in a while don’t snore. e | Instead of getting your pretty typewriter a sealskin sacque and your wile a y pair of cotton gloves, reverse the order. ¢ Refrain from administering little Johnny's diurnal thrashing. Put a nice large 7 Christmas-box in his stocking instead of on his ear. b If you are in arrears for subscription to your daily newspaper, drop into the b editor's sanctum and remark that you've come to “square up.” It will be worth your trouble to see how he'll act. When your wife trots out those worsted slippers swear inwardly if you like, but don’t make an outward dem- onstration of your feelings, thereby in- creasing your chances to get worsted yourself; smile pleasantly and ejacu- late, “Just what I need, dear!” If you happen to be in the kitchen when the milk-man. comes, don’t look daggers at the poor vender of bovine @ —S extract, but smile pleasantly. Be care- INCONTROVERTIBLE. ful how far you go though, for he isn’t SH¥—''I'm surprised at you, sir, to come home at this hour. used to it and the surprise may pro- YY ought to be ashamed to look at the clock.” lear'sh ; other way'’sh about—clock’sh ‘shamed duce a shock to his nervous system. to look at me, ‘cause he’sh holding both his’sh hands before his’sh JRAN LA RUB BURNETT. — face,” comicbooks.com