Judge, 1892-12-10 · page 4 of 18
Judge — December 10, 1892 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated humorous sketches typical of late 19th-century American satirical magazines: **"Scene on a Railroad Car"**: A joke about Western vs. Eastern railroad safety practices, where a naive traveler questions why an axe and crowbar are kept on the train. The punchline involves dark humor about using the axe to kill injured passengers to limit liability claims to $5,000. **"In Fleecy Furs"**: A romantic poem that tricks readers—the narrator falls in love with what he thinks is a woman in fur coats, but the "she" is actually his neighbor's Persian cat. **"Genuine Hard Luck"**: A man recounts losing money at horse races due to technicalities (jockey not carrying full weight), illustrating bad luck. **"Check Good"**: A dialect comedy about a foreigner accepting payment by check, unaware checks can bounce. **"On Biblical Grounds"**: A woman with a new dental crown asks another woman the difference between them; the reply jokes that one wears a crown while the other bears a cross (suffering). **"Saw Too Much"**: A drunk man sees a lamp-post double and tries to walk between the two images.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SCENE ON A RAILROAD-CAR. Mr. Knowtittee (stranger traveling in New York)—" Why! What do they have that saw and crowbar up there for? I never saw them on trains in the west.” JACKSON DEAN (en route court of appeal) —* Well, when they have a it on dot at. i he Faraer Wextwav—"' No, don’t b'lieve I would. — S'posin’ you cut it cause in case of death only five thousand dollars is the limit of damages, out'n th’ tail here.” off jokes like thet. collision the brakeman has orders to take down the axe and kill the injured, be- IN FLEECY FURS. Ge ) [8 FLEECY FURS my fair one sat And wooed November's fitful ray ; Love cast his careless lariat And caught this wayward heart for aye She seemed to scorn the matinée, Her sex’s joy—the tea-time chat; Demure she drowsed the livelong day In fleecy furs. And once our glances met midway ; Wild hopes of love my soul begat. Alack! she heard the milkman’s shay And purred and stroked her whiskers gray, My neighbor's Persian pussy-cat In fleecy furs. THE UN JONN CHRALD BRENAS. GENUINE HARD LUCK. S*\JHEN it comes to unlucky men,” he said as he pulled his cap down over his eyes, “I'ma leader. I'm the unluchisst man in the state. I can have money almost in my pocket and, presto! it's gone.” “ What's happened 2” asked the man addressed. “T've been to the races—not ordinary races, but races on tracks where they're hair-splitters on following the rules. Of course that as my luck, And I bet on a horse—a good horse that could just make things hum. An" he did too, He got away in the lead and he stayed there, and turned into the stretch two lengths ahead of them all “And then he was headed?” “No, he wasn’t. He had the race all his own way, the joc! his cap.” “Tsee. And that disconcerted him and he looked back.” He got under the wire first, but they threw him out because he That's what I call “Not much, he didn’t, wasn't carrying full weight. hard luc A LITERAL ANSWER. Miss Bleecker —" Von't you think my new hat is simply out of Aliss Emerson (of Boston, alter adjusting her spectacles) —"* Not at all. “went. CONNECTED." distinctly.” Anticipations of sport. Ican see it quite CHECK GOOD. Conex—"* Und idt’s only tree dollars,” TWwAY—" Guess ‘Il hev it, Will ye take a check 7" + of course, uf idt’s good, Und, mine friendt, you nefer miss “Gee whit! but I'm gittin’ coltish to be gittin’ Gosh ! an’ me a deacon in th’ church.” SUPPOSE! HOW easity would sweet accomplishment bless, How simple to govern our acts ‘That every endeavor be crowned with success— Could we take suppositions for facts! ON BIBLICAL GROUNDS. Beulah Foss (to Mrs, Cross) —" The dentist has finished my crown-tooth a Now, can you tell me what is the difference between us at this moment ? Mrs, Cross (to Beulah Foss) — "The greatest difference—it must be that you wear the crown while I still bear the Cross SAW TOO MUCH. "OM was drunk and so got into trouble With a lamp-post he ought to have seen; But the fact is, he did see it—double, And was trying to pass it — between. XUM comicbooks.com