Judge — November 19, 1892 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUT TO PRACTICAL USE. SYLVANUS —"' Did yo’ see any fing ob my bagpipe, Miss Cambell 7” Miss Camnett—‘* Lo'd ! Wwuz dat a pipe? Mah dun stuffed it wif sausage- meat.” POOR ADVICE. +4 AVOID what you'd blame others for doing,” Says some wiseacre who knows hot life. Advice like this one would surely be ru- ing, For how could a fellow then kiss his wife? THE SENTENCE. Judge —" What's your name?” Prisoner—* Thomas (hic) Jones.” Judge (absently)—* Ten dollars or ten days for Thomas Hic Jones.” DURING THE BOLT. one ag’ Cuorus—"* What is 'm, mammy 7” Mrs, Wempley—* Mrs. Weaptey (as Godfrey goer by)—" Look quick, chill’n! Yo" mought nebber see JUDGE ONLY A SINGLE DRAWBACK. S¢P)ID you go to Miss Hunter's wedding ?" she asked effusively. “No? Dear me, you should have been there! Everything was on the grandest scale imaginable. Only one drawback to the whole affair, and no one would have noticed that if it hadn’t troubled the bride so much. “The decorations absolutely defied description—such masses of flowers, you know, They must have cost a fortune by themselves. And the presents were simply magnificent. One could never tire looking at them. “The bridesmaids—well, you know what beautiful girls the ones she had are, and their gowns were simply’ superb. Those six girls would make a sen- sation anywhere. As for the bride, she was one of the loveliest brides mor- tal ever saw. Just enough color in her face to make her positively entranc- ing, and her wedding-gown was imported from Paris. I saw her trousseau too, and it was the finest ever seen in the city.” “ But bow about the groom ?”” “The groom! Ob, yes. That was the drawback. Something happened to him or he got frightened. At any rate he didn’t appear. She seemed terribly cut up about it.” Pens = LBP. HIS PLAN. “Say, Don, I'se goin’ ter have me life insured, Would you use de ten-year plan 2?” Dox —" Dunno ; I'se never been in dat long.” THE ONE SHE WANTED TO SEE. Se THIS is the cow that gives the milk you drink,” said Farmer Meddergrass to his little niece from the city. “ How nice!" exclaimed the interested girl. “Now won't you please show me the cow that gives the ice-cream ?” VALUABLES. Witherby — That's a nice little safe you have for your home, old man. 1 suppose that is for your wife's use.” Plankington—"Not much. She hasn't even the com- bination.” Witherby —*"You must keep something very valuable in it, not even to let your wife know the combination of it.” Plankington—“You bet 1 do. 1 keep all my collar- buttons and shoe-strings in that safe.” THAT WOULD BE SUITABLE. Mrs. Trotter (to tombstone sculptor) —" There is a good deal of space between ‘our’ and ‘grandmother.’ Couldn't something be put in there ?” Sculptor —"1 could put in a cross.” Mrs. Trotter —* Then it would read,‘ Our cross grand- mother.’ That would do very well, for she was real cross it’s one 'r dem centaurs whad's in d’ spellin’-book.” sometimes.” Pad aly t was in delphi Mr dren ‘ Une Prope her comicbooks.com