Judge — November 12, 1892 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE POPULAR FALLACIES. NO EXPLANATION NECESSARY. THAT POETS are not made. That long legs are indicative of large-heartedness. That a Roman nose is not an zsthetic quantity. That the pen is mightier than the stomach-pump. That newspaper men make good bunco-steerers. That ebullient spirits get their apartments rent free. ‘That hysteria is a fad among fashionable young ladies. ‘That a bagpipe has charms to soothe the savage breast. That there is an absence of all art in committing suicide. That a poor man is ever troub- led with loss of appetite. That scientific card- players ever become millionaires. That a number-eight hat de- notes a liberal understanding. That a fit of moodiness is preferable to an attack of colic. ; That a woman can be entirely Ushi ees: happy if she does not own a dog. Mike—"* Pat, let's take a look at the moon That, aj duke. is more: sought through that telescoop—it's only foive cints.”” after than a’man who advertises. Pat—‘To the divil wid the telescoop! * That men who receive good Share, T canisce thetmoon widout: lookin 3 salaries ever bother about the labor question. ‘That the adoption of a high-toned name will procure for you all the credit you want. That a learned man can depend upon his wisdom to keep him out of the poor-house. NATHAN At, LEVY. DIDN’T} NEED A PAIR. GHE WAS richly and rather strikingly dressed, and wore diamonds without number. She looked over the assortment of shoes that the salesman took down for her, and finally picked out a dainty little patent-leather affair and said, “ This is very pretty.” “A beautiful shoe !” exclaimed the salesman, “ but it's—ah—it's—a trifle small.” “Oh, I'm not going to wear it,” she explained. “But I rather like it. Would you sell me one?” “One shoe?” “Yes, 1 need only one and it seems like a waste “Well, wedon't usu- ally do busi- ness that Way, but—is it for a one- + * and just then he’sat upon an artist's tack. legged girl?” “Sir! How dare you?” “I beg your pardon. No intention to offend, I assure you, but one shoe""—— “Well, what of it? Papa says we must throw an old shoe after ‘em when they get married, and I say an old shoe was all right when he was—a—when he was poor. But now it’s different. We don’t have to throw old shoes, and it wouldn't look right. I told him if he was going to throw shoes I'd see that it was done right and proper, so’s the papers would say the next day that the Magilli- cuddys with their usual lavishness threw a beautiful patent-leather shoe of the latest fashion after the happy couple. That's the kind of people we are. Every- thing’s got to be right up in style.” She had rattled it off rapidly and had to pause for breath. Then she added, “If you want to be small about it I'll buy the pair, < I'll buy a whole box of them if I get my dander up. I'd buy a pair anyway, only maybe the other'll be out of style before we get a chance to use it.” RLUOTT rLowsn, A CELESTIAL VISITOR. Rawson (who has lost a pet cat a week before)—"* Fo d’ gre't HE WAS THE MAN. Bushwick, kim heah ! 5 5 : S Mr. Rawson" What in d? wort’ is it?” Ricketts—* Who are you sneezing at, si Mrs, Rawson (atoestruct)—" Ole Tom's angel !* Skidds (with repeated sternutatory paroxysms)—"“At choo! at choo !* comicbooks.com