Judge — September 24, 1892 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1-AT LEBANON, Sister PatieNce—"' Thou shouldst not profane the seventh day by whistling, my friend.” Brorner FREEGIFT—" I was calling my dog from Annoying thy chickens.” IN THE DIVORCE COUNTRY. ** BY JOVE, Bronson! your wife is a charming woman.” I'm glad you find her so, Parslow.”* “Ido, indeed. “If you ever contemplate getting divorced. old man, let me know, will you? I'd like to:marry Mrs. Bronson myself.” THE TERRIBLE PASSION OF GAME. Hub gambled at the races yesterday.” Wife—"How frightful! You always promised me you'd never Hub— But 1 won five hundred dol" — Wife—" Now lovely! Now I can have that beautiful bon "— Hub—" But 1 lost the money on cards last” — Wife" Hateful thing! Gambling is a terrible passion.” HIS MODERN WEAPONS. seyou have ‘made this Cupid-with a revolv- er,” said: ‘the: editor to his artist. Isn't’ it customary to arm the god of lovers with a bow and arrows?” "Yes, sit," replied the artist, “ but art-must keep up with the times.” THE ONE TO WATCH. Hotel proprietor—' You had better watch that Boston fellow. He didn’t bring much baggage with him, and he is likely to skip.”* Clerk —“"He is not the one to watch. Ihave my eye on the girl he gave the dia- mond ring to the other night. He wouldn't go without that ring.” UCH time is badly spent 2 in envying others hap- piness of which they are not {"Ously. His Honor—"'T will have to fine you ten dollars. This officer says you were driving Faraer Sunurn—"* Judge, just give me a receipt for that ten dollars. T want to show JUDGE WORSE THAN THE DISEASE. “CYES," said the physician, “I will not only cure you, but I will also put your portrait in the papers “Then let me die!” exclaimed the unhappy man in a voice of anguish. AN EDUCATIONAL CAMPAIGN. Wife—Well, I've learned a thing or two about you since we were married.” Democrat (who is out late every night, drilling for the parades)—" Yesh, my dear. Thish ‘n education’l champagne.”” SENSITIVE AND RECKLESS. + }JOW did Chollie happen to get such a bad cold?” “I don't know, unless it was his changing his suspenders too soon. He's vewy weckless when the fall comes.” 2—-AT LEBANON. Sister PatieNce—'* Do it then in the preordained way, thus." (And: the blast from told tin horn knocked the vane off the meeting-house.) JUDGING BY.SOUND. 66 PDHWATSS ‘thot. noise, Mis’ Mullaly?” “ Mary_Ann‘s phractisin’ the scales.” “Begorrah, she must weigh a ton!” ACCORDING TO PRECEDENT. Judge —** Officer, - why did you arrest this man?” Officer —" For being in- ele Ste gt Yr var possessed. it to the old horse; it will ‘help to cheer his declining years.” other half.” toxicated, judge. He stopped me on the street and asked oom where he was at.” In Judge — Officer, a con- gressional committee has held that those words are evidence of complete sobriety. The FOUNTAIN prisoner is discharged.” STYLO PER Catan TWO SAGE RE- MARKS. S¢Q)NE HALF of the O world, I tell you, Mawson, doesn’t know how the other half lives.” wee “ That may be so, bat as for that, neither does the Perr ness with comicbooks.com