Judge — August 6, 1892 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WOMAN. SHELL ride if only for a block ; Thinks exercise is vile; But she'll go into a dry- goods store ‘And walk at least a mile, SUITABLE. Snooper— Do you know the freshman class-yell at Dwight?” k—"No. What is it Snooper —" Hic, hic, hic, hooray f ATTRACTION. WHY are girls 20 afraid, When the lightnings are active? ‘Tis because each dear maid AT THE SEASHORE. Is aware she’s attract- Hz—" Heavens, sister! what are those great books? They'll nearly Gil your trunk.” ive. ‘Sister —'* Why, Dun and Bradstreet blue-books. One cannot guess the standing of people here, you know.” FROM EELINOIS. ° HEY were very pretty young ladies, both well dressed and lively, and on their way to the Y. P.S. C. E. convention in New York; but they thought the empire state was much over- rated, and they snecred at Rochester and grumbled at Syracuse, and were very lonesome away from the noble west. An old gentleman in the seat behind them leaned over and touching one ‘of the summer-silk-clad shoulders said, “You do not seem favorably impressed with New York.” “Naw,” both said in concert ; “ we are from ‘ Eelinois,’ and the boasted empire state seems very commonplace. j “Yes,” said the old man kindly, “but you are now passing » down the Mohawk valley, said by good judges to be the most beautiful artery of trade in the world, a fitting avenue to New York, the world’s metropolis.’ “ Yaas"—again in concert—“ but we are from Chicago.” {* Indeed ?"said the old man kindly. “ Lhave heard of Chicago. New York uses it for a slaughter-house for our pork and beef, and it is far enough out into the country to not be offensive, It is a useful adjunct of New York.” And he put on his spectacles and went to reading again, and the sweet young ladies changed their seats, Ps ALT. WORDEN, A QUICK CALCULATION. Pauting—‘‘ Lo'd, Geems! what yo’ wiggilin’ yo’ toes dat a-way fo’? Is yo’ well ?” Grems—'I'se jes’ countin’ up how much I made dis week pickin’ strawberries.” SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. FOLLY’S pains are wisdom’s gains. Love hath no dearer privilege than his service. She that wasteth crumbs throweth away pleasures. The true philanthropist belongs to the largest brother- hood. Discussion hath its purpose—that of corivincing each man of the Correctness of his own views. Were there a blot in the heavens people would never know it by looking up—unless it overshadowed them. Where there are valleys ‘of depression will be found hills of promise and mayhap mountains of exaltation. Though people of a certain temperament prepare for disasters which in the nataral order of things cannot and do not overtake them, most-disasters-remain unprepared for until after they have arrived. It has been decided—presumably by some married person—that every well-regulated family should be pro= vided with at least one old maid. A fine arrangement— for the families—and an honor to old maids. It may be an ice-suggested comparison which reminds one of Car Ya Naw = lyle’s Egyptian fire-flies, immolated to illume and adorn STRONG ENOUGH. royalty. Hicks —'* When I talk at the theatre, I talk under my breath.” KATHRIN GROSJRAK, Mrs. Hicxs—"* Yes; but you have a breath to stand that sort of thing.” comicbooks.com