Judge, 1892-07-23 · page 7 of 16
Judge — July 23, 1892 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical cartoons and humorous short pieces typical of late-19th-century American humor magazines: **"Inconstancy"** and **"Misfit Confidences"** are romantic comedies about miscommunication between courting couples—she won't commit without a proposal; he won't mention love. **"The Proper Thing"** jokes about a customer needing an iron-backed hairbrush to drive nails when moving—absurd practicality. **"Base Deception"** mocks a shoe merchant's dishonest signage (marking a two-dollar shoe as one dollar on only one shoe). **"Local News from Smithville"** parodies small-town gossip columns with mundane announcements about livestock, theatrical productions, and courting couples. **"Consolatory"** depicts a naval officer court-martialed tomorrow, with the admiral's daughter offering weak comfort. **"On the Train"** features a traveling salesman and an undertaker—the joke being the undertaker's grim profession ensures he never has unsold "goods" returned. The humor relies on wordplay, social awkwardness, and gentle mockery of provincial life and human foibles.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE INCONSTANCY. NT fear inconstancy in me; In this the reason you may see : When I may all the virtues view Of all the maids I ever knew In you, dear girl, and only you, It is so easy to be true, MISFIT CONFIDENCES. Linda —“Bella, I'm greatly puzzled over a matter. Bella—“So am 1. Tell me your trouble and I'll tell you mine.”” Linda —"Well. Dick Hard- away told me last night he loved me, but did not ask me to marry him.” Bella —""And he asked me to marry him, but didn’t say a word about love.” THE PROPER THING. Customer—" Haven't you ahair- brush with an iron back?” Clerk—" What do you want one with an iron back for?" Customer —“\ am going to BASE DECEPTIO} move soon, and I'll need it to drive EIN —** | vant four tollar fer der shoes.” FO A) COOLER AFEAGE: q de lawd sakes ! de sign say two dollars.” Runexsrein—"* Yeas, put dot sign ees only on von shoe.” “If this weather continues /’m going home! nails wit LOCAL NEWS. FROM SMITHVILLE. finest-bred trotting colts in the country, named Competition. We can congratulate ourselves on such fine stock coming in our midst.” “The popular play, ‘Ten Nights in a Bar-room,’ will be in our midst on Thursday night next.”* “Mr. E, A. Davis and Mr. E. L. Morris are suffering from being poisoned by ground-ivy. Mr. Davis thinks he would not have been poisoned if he had not had a sore on his hand before. There are two or three other cases of similar poisoning in our midst.” “Mr. Ephraim Lee is building an addition to his pig-pen, and Mrs. Betsey Herrick is having new steps built to her porch. ‘The spirit of im- provement is in our midst.” “Four or five couples contemplate matrimony soon, but we daren’t give their names. There is a good deal of love-making going on in our midst.” Charley Danks of Persimmonville was in our midst on Sunday. Hey there, Charley! who's the attraction “The singing-school at the Methodist church is well attended every Saturday night. There is a good deal of musical talent in our midst.” WILLIAM HENRY SIVITER, HE LAST issue of the Smithville Genius of Liberty contained these newsy paragraphs : “Theodore Bamlet, the popular drummer for a New York shoe-house, is in our midst once more.” “There is a great deal of sickness in our midst.”* “Jacob Emmel, the well-known horseman, has bought one of the CONSOLATORY. ‘THE ADMIRAL'S GRAND-DAUGHTER —"* You're not very jolly to-night, Mr. Pe Breeze.” Manele ON THE TRAIN. Lirutenant Breeze —"' I'm to be court-martialed to-morrow.” Drummer —‘‘And do you mean to say that you never have any of your THE ADMIRAL'S GRAND-DAUGICTER —‘ Oh, cheer up. Just think how goods thrown back on your hands?” poor grandpa must have felt when they used to keel-haul him.” His TRAVELING ACQUAINTANCE —'* No, sir; I'm an undertaker.” comicbooks.com /