Judge — June 11, 1892 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ALAS! ++ ALAS! alas!” Tom sighed and said, “* Lost opportunities-are dead. Five years ago, if I had known, Clorinda Jones had.been my own. I was afraid to.speak the word, And now she’s wedded, so I've heard.” “TL wish you'd spoken,” said’ his frie “I married her! You comprehen A SAVING IN GLASSES. Uncle Meddergrass (surveying a dude wearing a single eye-glass) —“ Waal, Mandy, I've seed economical people, but I never seed economy like that afore.” Mandy Meddergrass— What is it, Nathan ?” Uncle Meddergrass — “That there = man is blind in one eye, so he buys specs with onlyone eye to ‘em. He don’t look poor, nuther.”” THE RETORT. AID Algernon, conceitedly, Vhen I shall wed, if e’er it be, No fashionable girl for me, Of silly brain and vain pretense, Her dearest quality expense ; But give to me a girl of sense!" ‘Then Ethel, to the manner born, Cried with a look that scorched with scorn, ‘Pray, give to girls of sense their due! They're not the kind to marry you.” Ceonce BiRpseyE. TOO RICH FOR HIS BLOOD. O'Shaunnessy (sampling his first Lim- burger at the free-lunch counter)—" Howly Columbus! Phwat’s this ye do be havin’ on the platther?” Bungstarder (the proprietor) —" Dot vas Limperger sheese.”” O'Shaus:ressy —" Faith, 1 know it’s chase, but phwat’s on it?” 1—MOVING DAY IN THE SUBURBS. First Tramp—‘' Wot's it say, Bill?” Bu It says, ‘Take the other door.’ We don't need it, but we'd better be obligin’.” PAPER SAID SO. MOVING DAY IN THE SUBURBS. Frogs mus’ be bigger ‘n cats up t’ Phillydelphy, Cynthy.” praia? : Mrs. Crupu: * Dasso?”* Mr. Crupus Umpah, Teah’s a man went 'n ketched he’s foot in one, en done got killed.” : TO A LOVER. ITS INCREASE IN VALUATION. WILE easy to clude her mother, Clik Ohad Wik ee Bask VY I's diffrent with her little brother. F ven vase?” When you would kiss her, first make certain ith ais beakea vase? That he is not behind the curtain. Head of department — . does it cost Clerk —* Seven dollars.” Head of department —" Place it with that job lot of damaged goods on the women’s bargain-counter and mark the price up one dollar.” THE DRESS ALL RIGHT. Mrs, Buffington —Billings, that dress you made for me is so tight 1 can’t breathe in it.” Esthetic modiste —" Yes, madam. I noticed you were fond of onions.” TOO EASY. Teacher —" Robert, this is an ex- ample in subtraction, Seven boys went down to the creek to bathe, but two of “What LIVING PROOF. Doctor Jolicose —* What's the mat- ter, my good fellow? Trying to be ill?” Goodfellow —“ They say 1 have typhoid fever.” , Doctor Jolicose—" Typhoid fever! Bad thing. One of two things follows: Patient always dies or is left an idiot. I've had it; T know.” SHIFTING THE BLAME. Policeman (assisting him to rise)— “An’ phwat: scratched yer face that-a- way? Did anny wan sthrike ye?” Mp. Klubmann Laight (drowsily) them had been told not to go in the —Asphalt pavement.” water, Now ean you tell how many see. __ Policeman (sternly) —"* Indade, an went in? .. . Sur—'And why isa ship called.‘ she’ ?* it's not the fault av the pavement. It’s Robert —"Yes'm: seven Tln—"“Aye, ma'am ! Because the rigging costs so much." the fault av the load yez hov an ye.” comicbooks.com ‘