Judge, 1892-05-21 · page 7 of 16
Judge — May 21, 1892 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains multiple short humorous sketches mocking marriage, courtship, and social conventions of the era (appears to be late 19th century). **Main sections:** - **"Sentences Passed by the Judge"**: Philosophical musings on gender, love, and morality—satirizing Victorian moral platitudes by presenting them as paradoxical or self-defeating. - **"Didn't Show Up"**: Mocks a groom who postpones his wedding dinner, suggesting bachelor frivolity. - **"Too Much"** and **"The Only Way to Prevent It"**: Joke about marital jealousy and control—the wife's power in marriage. - **"A Benedict"**: Humorously describes a married man using a hairpin as a suspender fastener, implying matrimonial poverty or ridicule. - **"An Unfortunate Edict"** and **"An Inconvenient Luxury"**: Use Irish dialect humor (common in period satire) about domestic disputes and petty grievances. The overall theme satirizes marriage as a state of compromise, complaint, and domestic tension—a recurring target of period humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
345 SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. [HE genuine ideal is as sexless as a ray of white light. Disaster is as often escaped through weakness as through strength. Tt must-have been a masculine power that formed woman's heart for forgiveness. In greater need of an all-seeing eye than the proverbial falling sparrow. stands the “ white blackbird.” Man is a remnant composed principally of sentiments and instincts left over from the last state of existence. Sex is like electric and magnetic nts—one in its nature and in reality made effective by a divided double cur- rent and corresponding poles. Only a man’s—or shall we say a woman's—philosophy will enable her to bear the burden of humanity which her philosophy has imposed upon her. If one to whom love is forbidden be too weak to love she will probably escape temptation and consequent disaster. If she be strong enough to love she may escape disaster, but not temptation. Though dishonesty may seem to flourish like the bay- tree while virtue standeth like a forbidding thorny hedge, it lieth plain to all that the shade of the one is obnoxious and its branches without fruit, while the pricks of the other do no hurt unless struck against. xaTIIVE Grosjean. DIDN'T SHOW UP, SrRawnEeR —* Terrible thing about Spindle, wasn't it? The poor fellow didn’t turn up at his own wedding. Ms, Srrawser —“ Heavens! What was the matter?” StRAWnEK—* He was fool enough to put off the ushers’ dinner until the night before the wedding-day.”” TOO MUCH. Spinks —* Goodno’s pretty typewriter has left him, What was the matter?” Binks — She caught him kissing his wife.” THE ONLY WAY TO PREVENT IT. Bagley —" Does your wife always have the last word?” Bailey —" No; not always.” Bagley —* How do you manage it?” Easily enough. I'm not married.” A BENEDICT. AN UNFORTUNATE EDICT, Longe ; 3 Mrs. CLoozy—"'It's th’ shmall bit yure man sames t’ be injiyin’ th’ avenin’, Mrs. Spinks —""1s your friend Finks a married man ? Mrs. O'Teague.”* Mr. Spinks —"1 guess so. He fastens his suspenders with a hairpin Ms. O'TeaGur—" It's revinge Oi'm havin’, Mrs. Clooney, He wor alther instead of a nail.” objictin’ till me dichollytee cor-rdage, an’ Oi med him lind me th’ loan av his gal- ae luses fer t' shatishfy his dacency.” e x ** Do you know General Debjlity, major?” i AN INCONVENIENT LUXURY. “Yes General Debility and I ee been enemies for years.” ‘N—"* Whadjer luff yo" pipe hang down laik dat fer?” ‘Enemies, major? Why, I thought he was such a popular man! They're De stem ‘sa triffle short, en when I gits it ‘tween mah _ always talking about him in the papers—always prescribing remedies to do him good.” Mx. CLAY, teef I done burns mah lips agin d’ bowl.” comicbooks.com