Judge — April 16, 1892 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IN THE Comparative PABST—Milwaukee Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, : PABST leads with Largest Beer Brewery WORLD. Sales, 1891 - 790,290 bbls. 602,078 “ 188,212 bbls. “ANTE UP.” JUDGE'S LIBRARY FOR APRIL. ALL ABOUT POKER. Thirty-two pages of humor about this universally popular game. Is a regular “‘chip-raiser™ for lovers of pure fun who have the nerve to ‘stand pat" and “put up the price” fora copy. Order of your news- dealer, of send toc. for a copy. Judge Publishing Co., 110 Fifth Ave., NEW YORK. A BOY'S ESSAY. A boy in a Wichita (Kansas) school has been sus- pended for reading the following essay on “pants”: “Pants are made for men, and not men for pants. Women are made for men, and not pants. When a man pants for a woman, or a woman pants for a man, they are a pair of pants.” Such pants don’t last. Pants are like molasses, thinner in hot weather, and thicker in cold. ‘The man in the moon changes his pants during an eclipse. Men are often mistaken in pants. Such mistakes make breeches of promise. There has been much discussion as to whether pants is singular or plural, Seems to us when men wear pants they are plural, and when they don't wear any it is singular. Men get on a tear in their pants and it is all right; but when the pants get on a tear it is all wron; ILLUSTRATED T! *Simpticity Weiner Co, Gentlemen—I have lately bought one of your wringers. As your adver- tisement says, ‘a child can use it.” Yours truly, * CHARLIE: YOUNGFATHE! r'IMONIAL! Worth a Pyle to any household — Pearline. A pretty girl from Kalamazoo visiting friends in Detroit met a young man the other evening at a recep- tion, “*Are you a resident of Detroit 2” he asked shortly after their meeting.” ‘Oh, no,” she said, “I'm from Kalamazoo.” A peculiar smile flitted across his face ; asmile of half sympathy, half suffering. ‘And you,” she asked, quickly noting it, as women do, “‘and you are from the other place?" "He nodded. It was true, He was from Oshkosh, They were feliow-sufferers,—De- troit Free Press. ipator—Judge Library for April, A dyspepsia Bob (the broker)—"* Confound Jay Gould, anyhow !" Dick—" What's the worry now?" Bob—"* Bought some stock to-day. It went off four points on a reliable re- port that Gould had taken two pills. It recovered on another that he had yawned naturally and said *Kee- chie to his grandchild, I'm in hot water now to kno whether the next rumor will be of a sneeze or a smile. —Pittsburg Bulletin, ‘WELL BRED, SOON WED.” GIRLS WHO USE SAPOLIO ARE QUICKLY MARRIED. HOUSE-CLEANING. TRY IT IN YOUR NEXT “Jennie,” said a young lady, turning away from the mirror and addressing a companion, ‘*what would do if you had a mustache on your lip?” “If I i him I'would keep quiet,” was the demure reply.—/rish Times. “ONE WHOLE DAY SAVED.” The traveler on the Chicago, Rock Island and Pacific Railroad’s Special Vestibule Fast Train, popu- larly known as “‘ The Big Five,” saves a whole day in the trip between Chicago and Denver. It makes a close connection with the trunk lines from the east, and is a luxurious train throughout. Parlor, dining, buffet, library, smoking and sleeping cars are included in its equipment. A corresponding train leaves Denver every day. The “ Big Five" leaves Chi- cago at To p.m., one hour after arrival of eastern train, arriv- ing at Omaha next day at noon, Denver 7:40 in the morning— the traveler being out but one day and two nights, instead of two days and one night. The next time you are going west try the “Big Five.” E, ST. JOHN, General Manager. W. I ALLEN, Ausistant General Manager. JNO. SEBASTIAN, General Ticket & Passenger Agent, CHICAGO. First boy —"* Why does everybody look so glum?” Second boy. ‘ause there ain't goin’ to be no war.” First boy — Did everybody want to go to war?" Second boy —"* N. an’ make money News. ~~ MACY... Oru AVE., 131m TO 1¢ru STREET, N. Y. SINCE MOVING INTO NEW BUILDING tw have added 75,000 square feet to our floor area, thereby GREATLY ENLARGING ALL DEPARTMENTS, QUR SPRING AND SUMMER CATALOGUE, the most complete of its kind ever issued, of 815 Mllustrated pages, WAS ISSUED APRIL 15th, and will be mailed free to any address outside the’ city. everybody wanted to stay home le the war was goin’ on.” — Good The Brule Indian cannot pronounce the sound of but reduces it to the more liquid sound represented b the letter 'o hear a civilized Brule shout ‘* Lamb!” when he mashes his thumb with a hammer is calculated to bring tears to one of his wooden fac-similes,— Indianapolis Journal, comicbooks.com