Judge — March 19, 1892 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE CIGARETTE IN CONGRESS. THOU frail purveyor of deserted snipes And secret patron of ill-smelling Pipes, Thy hollow cheeks and languid eyes deep set Have built up fortunes on the cig- arette. And now thy puffs, like those of older folk, Reach e’en to congress, there to end in smoke; Or as the bill to thee seems merciful Thou'lt force it through, thou hast an awful pull. ee HIS PREMATURE DEATH. A YOUNG FRENCHMAN of Des Moines, Iowa, advertised for a wife, and as there was no response he killed himself. If he had succeeded in getting the wife he might have lived at least three months longer. SINE QUA NON. FORTUNATELY DISGRACED. Englishman — \reland isn’t a garden of Eden, by any means.” acy RE MBARRAGH (lo Aer youngest) —** That’ th’ lasht camel on th’ shtraw's Jrishman—" Faith, how could it be whin there’s no shnake there ?” FLANNERY (who is dining with the family and can't cut his corned-beef) — “That kid's in dead luck!" SHAMROCKS, 'HE snake never stood pat. Forbidden fruit—The orange. The exile of Erin—The snake. Pat now steals a march on the Orangeman. The unfortunate man celebrates with Paris-green. As a patriotic drink the mint julep is to be preferred to absinthe. There is no love lost between the apple-woman.and the orangeman. Just now it is the Irishman’s ambition to see that his hat is kept green. There is luck in the shamrock when it happens to be a four-leaf clover. Nothing but the yellow jaundice would keep an Irishman from celebrating. If St. Patrick had known of bichloride of gold he would have killed the snake in the boot. ; The hat that goes out in the morning with a shamrock often comes home at night with a brick. It is a good thing for the Irishman that the black eye doesn’t turn yellow until the day afterwards. THE MOST FOR THE MONEY. Nathan Meddergrass (to the Pohokus postmaster) —“ 1 want a postal keerd, mister.” = Reon Postmaster— AMAnuy “Large or small?” au A JUST REQUEST PostMasteR oF QuieT CORNERS (writing) —'* Mr, Postmaster- general. Dear sir: I'm very sorry to be forced to file this request, but Nathan Med- artist has lately moved to the Corners and he sends so many dergrass —“ Be there gs through the mails that it makes an awful sight more work, and as the editors send back about ninety-eight per cent. of them the extra work is just doubled, so I'll have to ask you to put this office in a higher class and let me have an assistant. Very respectfully yours, ““H. Grinper, P. M., Quiet Corners. ss “P. S.— We can get along without extra space, as the coal-cellar is Nathan Med- larger than we need for the coal.’ dergrass— Don't the big ones cost the most Postmaster —* Same price.” Nathan Meddergrass — Then give me the biggest.” NEVER SAY DIE. AN INCREASE of twenty per cent. in the price of coffins will result in the determination of everybody to live as long as he can. SHE WANTED IT BLACK. Uncle Ebony —“\\'se done brought back dat dress your lady done guv my wife, sah, to go to de Coonville ball wid. “ She say it won" do.” ra Bingo —" Why, what's the matter WEAK ENEED DOUIRINED ; SNA tad Yaw, shentlemens, der time vas ripe with it, uncle ? an end to der so-called righds of private prop- Uncle Ebony—*It’s a little off color, erty, und "— sah. You see, she’s done got to go in Aupiror— ‘Lend me your pipe, Hans; you cant in e Me = ne + smoke und talk, too. THE PLAY OF THE BLACK CROOK. mournin’, sah, on account ob her firs Fiery ORATOK (bridling) — “‘ Mine frendt, dot vas my Not Kiralfy’s production, however. husban’.” pipe. I bought it, don’d you see two sizes ?” comicbooks.com