Judge, 1892-03-12 · page 5 of 16
Judge — March 12, 1892 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from the satirical magazine **Judge** contains several distinct humor pieces: **"Te Salutamus!"** — A fawning poem praising the editor/judge of Judge magazine itself, mock-heroically treating him as a benevolent ruler dispensing "weekly" verdicts on submitted work. The satire targets obsequious contributor submissions. **"The Mystery Solved"** — A visual joke about "chop-houses" (restaurants). A man wonders why they're called that; the punchline reveals it's because the meat is chopped/axed—he wants to "cut this steak" with an axe, treating the mystery as solved by brutal logic. **"The Only Remedy"** — A brief jab at Truman Brown, who apparently shot his wife's ghost repeatedly. The absurdist humor suggests only South Dakota divorce law can help this clearly delusional man. **"An Attachment"** — A two-panel visual gag where a timid child gradually becomes "attached" (both emotionally and physically through contact) to a dog over two minutes—playing on the double meaning of "attachment." The page primarily contains lighthearted domestic humor and wordplay rather than political satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE TE SALUTAMUS! SING in praise of him whose bounteous hand Scatters his blessings o'er the whole wide land ; Whose kindly office is to banish care And homes and hearts make merry every- where— c Court-jester in life's little reign. Oh, fudge ! ‘You must know that I mean our dear old Juper. Kindly lawgiver, from your chair of state You view the foibles of the small and great. To bask beneath thy looked-for weekly smile ‘Who would not walk full many a weary mile, And over city pavements gayly trudge To grasp thee in our hands, ob, jolly Tupce! Monarch of wit, of poesy and truth! Wine for the aged, cordial for the youth ! I bring my verses, feeble though they are, And lay them down before the judgment bar, And solemnly I swear I will not budge Until you give your verdict, oh, wise Juoce! ANNA BARDWELL PATTEN. GenTLEMAN—"* Pardon me ; your necktie has been sticking out for some time. I refrained from telling you sooner because those young ladies seemed so much amuse Faraer—" Thankee ; an’ the oil from that lamp hes been drop- pin’ on that light overcoat o' yourn fer the last ten minutes, but every ‘one seemed so tickled I hated ter spoil the fun.” THE ONLY REMEDY. TRUMAN BROWN of Long Island, who has shot his wife's ghost full of holes, ought to go to South Dakota and get a divorce. UNDENIABLE. $6] 'D LIKE to know why you tefer to my papa as Sa- tan,” exclaimed Eliza Snodgrass THE MYSTERY SOLVED. A LO eas ress Me a Be pen e eaere ‘ ILLUSTRATED TESTIMO- Mx. Wavnack—" Dew yew know, I've been a-wonderin’ all along why they “Indeed ? NIALS. called these places chop-houses. I know now. Will yew please bring mean axe? I “Yes, Isn't he the father “ALLBOCK’s PLastER Co. want tew cut this steak.” Gentlemen —I have lately com- menced using your plasters and have already become very much attached to them. “Yours truly, “ATION Skin.” AN ATTACHMENT. “He's a little timid at fi ‘| " since ee ee eas Pard, but he'll soon take hold an’ become Two minutes later he takes hold and becomes attached. comicbooks.com