Judge, 1892-02-06 · page 10 of 16
Judge — February 6, 1892 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine contains several distinct satirical pieces mocking various social types and situations: **"What He Can't Do"** targets the overeducated intellectual who masters abstract knowledge (astronomy, languages, antiquities) but proves helpless at practical tasks—notably he can't thread a needle. The satire attacks pedantry and the gap between theoretical learning and real-world competence. **"Dissension in the Heavenly Choir"** mocks workplace disputes over status and salary by placing them absurdly in heaven itself. Two saints refuse to sing until given proper positions and pay, revealing how petty human vanities persist even among the blessed. Saint Peter's exasperation shows the humor. **"Makes All the Difference"** is a brief joke: a farmer loses a car worth twenty dollars but celebrates finding a dropped quarter—demonstrating economic desperation or misplaced priorities. Other sketches satirize human nature: the Brooklyn rich man as "freak," romantic suspicion, and the paradox that we only want what we cannot have. The cartoons use class and religious settings for social critique typical of Judge's satirical purpose.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
94 JUDGE WHAT HE CAN'T DO. HE'S op in all the theories of modern schools and colleges, Can point one out the Pleiades, knows all the latest ‘ologies. He tells a lot that’s comical of heroes biographical, Researches astronomical of his are quite seraph- ical, Your very thought he'll penetrate, provided that you've got any, The classes he can separate in minerals or botany, In theory he’s got a use for necromantic mystery, Can square up the hypothenuse and then relate its history, In languages now obsolete he’s wisely enigmatical With explanations too replete—suspiciously grammatical, His knowledge of antiquities is thought supposititional, Yet masters the ubiquities historic and traditional. He's quite an evolutionist and sees no mental hurt in it, But calls one a delusionist who fails to talk expert in it, His brains with apt quotations teem of knowledge in ail sciences, ‘Though daily situations seem to tind them poor reliances. He knows the sex detectively, deciding who's esthetical, Can estimate respectively the real from the coquettical Queen Cleopatra's needle, he’s amazingly well read in But one that sews can't wheedle-dee nor squeeze a bit o thread in it, JONN ALBRO, MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE. Farmer Haytort —‘*Hey, there! 1 (Stopping suddenly.) Gosh! I'm in uck, wouldn't lose that car for twenty dollars. Somebody 's dropped a quarter!" DISSENSION IN THE HEAVENLY CHOIR. CHERUB (hastily accosting St. Peter) —"Come quick! Two saints are in a row over here and refuse to sing the praises, and—oh dear me!” (Sinks down ex- hausted.) Saint Peter (arriving upon the scene of contention)—" My friends, why vex you thus the quiet airs of heaven? Know you not that you have arrived at a place where the only sounds should be those of singing and "—— First saint —“ That's just it. Sister Felicia refuses to defer to me and "—— Second saint —“ Sister Angelina always led the choir below, and now I think the position and salary should be conferred upon "— Saint Peter (with sorrowful impressibility)—‘ Know you not, friends, that the vulgar question of wage enters not into the praises sung before the throne ?” First saint Do you mean that we must g#ve our services?” ven so, and freely.” First saint—“Then WORKI {ERE I shall not sing at all.” PERSEVERANCE SHOULD BE REWARDED. Second saint—"Not _ovrice (to stranger) —** What's bin th’ matter—railroad | either.” Se ernnnonn=2i No 2 fof the Blast a [Exiint_frstsaod spring poem and we had a misunderstanding. Now, is there Second saints.] Saint Peter (brush- ing aside the ¢louds from around his venerable head as if to clear his perplexities) —" Truly, it would be easier for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven than for dissension below to have resurrection in harmony above.” A SURE-ENOUGH FREAK. ¢6THAT man i T “Why so? “Has eight thousand dollars a year and lives in Brooklyn.” a freak.” THE UNATTAINABLE. TO THOSE who've felt misfortune’s sting Tt must seem rather funny : One never really wants a thing Unless he has no money. SUSPICIOUS. d ta ney Young wife —“ Why, George, aren't A LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING. _ you going to eat your pudding ?” GextieMay (in the rear, explaining)— it Ls soppat i the celebrated. De Sehigizman® the a Voune Aushand— explorer. Not a handsome man, you'll'say, Mrs. Tombstone’s reci but he has a fine physique.” Young wife— Ouv Lapy —"* Has he? T'm told it’s a is made from ? HER FIRST APPEARANCE, ‘es, dear George.” GRANDMA TREMLOW (af the Columbia athletic exhibi- Young husband—*Then, my dear, ten) —"* Well, if there ain't our Charlie with nothin’ but his dificult creature to rear in this country. I é under-clothes ‘on. (/m great excitement.) Here! you great had a chimpanzee given me last year, but the {Cannot touch it. Mrs. Tombstone has hig brute, don't you dare to strike him again like that !” Te cold soon killed i already buried four husbands.” ain't done nothin’ to you.” comicbooks.com