Judge — January 16, 1892 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE ADONIRAM JAY’S POLITICS. 46 A LLIANCES” that take the bun ‘The kind I like tew jine; “* Alliances” of rain an’ sun ‘An’ plowin’ deep an’ fine, An’ good rich soil an’ lots of toil With moderate cold an’ heat— This kind elections cannot spoil When backed by dollar wheat. i, “Monopolies” may grind an’ grind If I supply the grist, ‘An’ “‘ corporations” I don’t mind With grain-checks in my fist. ‘An’ “capital” don’t hurt at all, An’ ‘ middlemen” I greet With quiet joy along towards fall When I've got dollar wheat. Some fellers wanter work their land By acts of congress, when They better drop their corn by hand ‘An’ hold their plows like men ; Fur blowin’ round won't till thar ground ‘When intrust we must meet.* The brightest talker I hev found Is common dollar wheat. A “tpeople’s party got the call ‘That labors in the spring. Are mighty hard tew beat ; An’ flow of dollar wheat. INTELLIGENT ALMS-GIVING. Mendicent —" Dear lady, | am paralyzed on one side and starvit by your sweet face you will help a poor old bible-reader. Won't you?” Lady (handing him money) —" Here, my poor friend, go and get your beer.” AN ACCESSORY. Mrs, Quapkan —* Mr, Rennet (coyly) George, I have carefully consid- ered your proposal of yesterday, and while I cannot give you the first love that your true worth demands, if you will accept my good will instead, I am yours.” Lirtie Deckte (who has come in unannounced) —"* Say, mamma, do I go with the good will of the business?” ‘ SHE FOUND AN EXPLANATION. +e YOU see, Mrs. Oilriz," said the suave young man, “they called them *Canaanites’ because they came from Canaan. “Oh, I understand,” said the old lady affably. “There's something that Mr. Oilriz knowed and I didn't.” “Indeed ?” 2 “Yes. He had heard that you spent several years in Paris, and he spoke of you yesterday as ‘a Parisite.’” A CAREFUL YOUNG MAN. Mrs. Chinner —" Why does young Mr. Gurley always knock at the door when he comes to call on you?” Miss Chinner — He's afraid if he comes with a ring I'll regard it as a proposal.” RAISING THE WIND. 4 ¢JOW,” said one of the projectors, ‘to float this scheme we'll issue one million dollars’ worth of five-per-cent. ten-year bonds.” “Yes,” replied the other projector, “but how shall we meet the in- terest ?” “Thadn’t thought of that. What will it amount to?” “For the ten years it will be five hundred thousand dollars. “Then we'd better make our bond issue one of a million and a half.” No, I hain’t on the ‘* grange” at all, Nor ‘‘club” nor no sech thing ; Our “fall elections,” when they come, You hear ‘em in the thresher's hum ALT. WORDEN, 1 know : WANTED THE BEST, Tue WAITER —"''Xcuse me, sah, but p'raps dat quail was hung a little too long, sal Mr. Wepperrie_>— Hung! Why, you black chigmunk, ain't my money's good’s any one’s? Fetch me a snipe killed by “Nectricity f ‘ 2 A PROPER SIMILE. *¢GHE is a perfect Amazon.” “Why do you say that? She is not at all like the Amazons of old.” “Oh, no; Fmean like the river. She has a large mouth and babbles on forever.” EPITAPH. HER tongue was ever going yet; She talked in joy, she talked in pain ; ‘And when she died her last regret Was that she ne'er could talk again, THE PLACE TO LOOK. Visitor — You have a wonderful collection of curi- ous coins, How did you get them?” SOUND LOGIC. Bummer PeTE—'* Now, Bill, you can't deny dat Mr, Depew is a great after-dinner speaker.’ Trampinc BILL—" But I claim dere is embryonic talent dat can knock him silly. Now, fer instance, you or me might be able to do him if we could only get a chance at de dinner. I tell you, Pete, opportunity makes de man.” comicbooks.com