Judge — January 16, 1892 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. W. J. Arcee. J. Anxa TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 ‘One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy. forty weeks - = = 1.35 Including the Cntstmas Juce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—Teall for- cign countries in the postal wn year, THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupce BUILDING), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th Street, New York. CBW guarantee advertisers a larger circulation than any ether American satiri- cal paper published: The Joon is for sale at Brentano's, 17 Avenue del Opera, Paris: by the America, Newspaper Agency at 15 King William street, Strand, W, C, London: at Saarbach's American Mains, Germany, and by Ch. E. Alioth, Geneva, Switzerland. INCREASE OF ADVERTISING RATES. On Friday, January 15, 1892, a new schedule of rates for advertising in Junce will go into effect, and all agencies have been notified by letter of the same. The new schedule hhas been figured on what is considered an equitable basis, in view of the high-class and ex- tensive circulation of Juoce, which is world-wide. The new rate-card will be sent to any- one interested on application. =NATOR HILL has still two offices, the one he occupies and the one “he expects. . f THE LOSS of the Abyssinia reminds us that the onlv safety at sea is to remain on land. see 64] LOOK upon Dr. Bush as a bird in hand,” complacently remarks Sen- ator Hill. . FRANCE WILLARD to the grip— “You naughty thing! Release your clutch and let me go.” i HER VISIT to France the czarina will not be attended, we think, by her sister-in-law the mother of the kaiser. E HAVE nothing new as to our capitol at Albany, but the senate chamber at Washington is out of Plumb. “A LIGHT HEART,” as the World says, “‘is the best of holiday cheer,” but we cannot get along without baking- powder. [7 PAINS US exceedingly to have the editor of the New York Times call Brother Wanamaker a slobbering hypo- crite. Why, man ! the good brother doesn’t slobber. handle gone to?"~ see OGER Q. is by no means one of the Mills of the gods, but he says with a flash of his reflective eye that it’s a square grindstone that has no turn, HE, SELECTION of Holman for the head of the committee on appro- priations suggests that we shall not again have a billion congress, but merely a twenty-two-cent one. eee BOURKE COCKRAN as a member of the ways and means committee is evidence that New York statesmanship is not to be sneezed at without previously taking the requisite snuff. ME: INGALLS. in view of the Kansas senatorial vacaney, for a consid- erable time absently discussed the moon and the probable length of life of the man therein; but his heart is given to the raising of potatoes. * FFECTION is not wholly unmixed with greed. We recall the rela- tive who sobbed aloud and said, * Me poor lost brother! How shall I live without him?” immediately edding, “Blank him! why didn’t he put a postscript on that will?” AMERICAN NAVIES. XICO is to have a new navy and to deepen a harbor sufficiently to keep it in, We notice this evidence of progress on the part of ae JUDGE RATHER INDIGESTIBL Fiirrpoopte Jonson —"‘Ah, deah boy, weahs youah cane- S. IMLY Dupeway —" I swallowed it, thank you, deah.” our nearest southern neighbor with unfeigned pleasure. Our friends in Chili have shown much enterprise in that line, and there is no slouch of a navy in the possession of Brazil. This government is pretty well up with the times in that regard and will presently be more so. That is not a bad motto— Millions for peace and a considerable sum for a naval display for amusement only.” SOME CHINESE FAITH. SEVEN CHINESE PIRATES recently executed at Foo-Chow boasted, just before their departure, that they would come back ten years from their death and pirate some more. It is well to have faith that some portions of the hereafter are to be created for our benefit, and much com- fort is doubtless got by the more orthodox in the doctrine of endless pun- ishment; but the theory of individual benefit from illegitimate personal acts is not as safe, we think, as that which places the responsibility on the Almighty and modestly asks for only a fair share of the wickedness and misery. TARIFF. HE DIFFERENCES between the Mills men and the Crisp men are irreconcilable, and the bitterness attending them grows greater day by day. There are epithets as to Sam Randall Democrats—meaning that the Crisp men are no Democrats at all; and on the other hand there is denunciation of free-traders as candidates for the lunatic asylum. The house divided against itself, etc.; and what a reflection it is upon the tariff as constructed by Mr. Mills and the frag- ments of it as distributed by Mr. Crisp. The Republican party may not congratu- late itself on the temporary loss of its power; but it is delightfully free from re- sponsibility, and it is as firm and united as a rock for the law created by Major Mc- Kinley. Here, then, is matter for rejoicing with the beginning of the year, and there must inevitably be a first term for Mr. Blaine or a second for Benjamin Harrison. NEATNESS AND DISPATCH. It IS WELL to be decorous. In cases of apparent death it is desirable to Postpone the ante-mortem proceedings until there is a certainty of the beginning of dissolution, One can die but once, and he ought to be allowed the delibera- tion demanded by his own dignity and that of the unusual and too grave and solid fact. The late Washington Irving Bishop had his brains removed from his head in about twenty minutes after his al- leged departure—so that he began a sen- tence here and completed it in heaven, as ‘one might suppose; and within one hour after the probable death of Senator Plumb the body of that man had in its veins various chemical fluids for the preservation of matter provided and syringed by only the expert and expeditious embalmer. This is ex- treme haste. It may perhaps be mentioned as impropriety. One can imagine the astonished corpse rising in protest and politely remarking, Excuse me, gentlemen. I am about to draw my last breath, and I want to do it myself.” LET US HAVE PEACE THE GOOD PEOPLE who are petitioning the various governments to abolish their standing armies have right and reason on their side, and there is even a possibility that some day their ideas will prevail. War is. barbarism and peace is civilization. This is as true with regard to nations as individuals; and it is likewise true that gentlemen do not settle their differences with each other by force, as blackguards do. Wars are a con- fession of loss of fair play, diplomacy and statesmanship; and if there were no great armies the world would be richer and the poor man would have something better to do than stand up to be shot for the crimes com- mitted by his so-called superiors. General Woodford looks back to the days when the Romans made slaves of their captured enemies, aad sees progress from that standpoint; and we all recall the sentiments of Sher- man and Grant, who hated war except as a means to peace. Let us hasten the day when we will meet our opponents with smiles and wele come them with hospitable hands to the Christian round-table of argument and arbitration. comicbooks.com