Judge — January 2, 1892 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. W. J. Arwent. Braxwaro Grcase 1. M, Gnecony, Editor. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE. ‘One copy, one year. or s2 numbers = $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 2.40 One copy. forty weeks == aS Including the Cwnastuas Jepce, FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTION: brig tm the fo THe JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Juncr BUILDING), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th Street, New York. BEHW's ewarantee advertisers a larger cirew American satirical paper published. The Joven is for sale at Brentano's, 17 Avenue del Oper Newspaper Agency at 15 King William street, Strand, W. American kachange, Mainz, Germany. and by ChB. Alioth, Cable address" VooGnans. Harris [TIS A GOOD THING to have a year without any gray hairs in it, but it ages with great rapidity. om at cheaper rates than any other by the American fat Saarback's IN ON BLAIN Heavens! the woods are full of him.’ THERE IS A THEORY that it is Wilfrid Murray who is trying to escape from Mr. Hurlbert. BLAINE AND HARRISON may doubt each other, but we dare say neither would be willing to swap holiday stockings. US WISH happiness throughout the year to every- body, and that Senator Hill will get a present of a woman and a wig. THE MAN who has lost his grip has come to be looked upon as a fortunate person, so many cases of that kind have lost the man. M HALSTEADsays," The great * hereafter is Republican.” Not, we think, if David B. Hill has control of the various boards of canvassers, DUFFERIN FRANCE or any- where else is the right man in the correct place, and may it be many years before he can be men- tioned as Duffer out. LL SA\ so grateful over his narrow escape that he will celebrate it through the holidays if it costs every cent he can borrow of his neighbors. Otp arpie-womas —" I wonder phat thim blamed brass-button thaves does wid all th’ shtuff they gather up in a day? (Let's go around the corner and see.) MAYOR GRANT encourages mugwumping by giving the silver- tongued traitor Grady a gold pocket for his pantaloons. What do you think of Tammany hall, Mr. Cleveland ? E SITUATION in Brazil presents a choice between the control of the n clement and the tyranny of a dictator. ‘The question there- fore is, Do you prefer the devil or the deep sea? E BEG to congratulate the woman St. John and the man Marius on their legal separation. It is a compliment to each that the other should want it, and both can easily find far better company. 6's THE JUDGE begins to-day its twenty-second volume. Same thing on this occasion that it has said so many times before. It might add the usual wish for a happy new year, but that is understood. ]F ANYBODY doubts that B. Harrison is a good. wise and safe pr dent he had better read that message again. It is a strong, whole- some mixture of wisdom, firmness, tolerance and good sense. THE prac ECTION of Mr. Crisp sent Mr. Cleveland right back to the bosom of his family, He liked the outside people and weather, but he said with great earnestness that there was no place like home. JUDGE ~ PLAINED ow FATE. THE GRIEF of the good old mother of the insane man Noreross was so simple and touching that it almost worked forgiveness of the crime which cost the man his life. Ah, what a pity it is that such mothers should have such sons, and that the latter should have any mothers at all; and how much grief there is that does a nobody any good. IS ARTHUR iSACHEROUS? HEY SAY that Gorman wrote the silver portion of Hill's Elmira speech. We had supposed him fair-minded enough to stab in the breast instead of the back, but you don’t know what to expect from any presidential candidate. And really, the thrust was so gentle, except as to its remoter results, that Hill won't know he is dead until long after the funeral. THE MEANNESS OF IT. THE SOPHS of a ladies’ college arrayed themselves in bed-sheets belong- ing to freshies and then attacked the latter. The freshies tore the sheets into ribbons and shricked their triumph, and that night found to their amazement that they had no sheets to sleep in. For diabolical inge- nuity there has been nothing to equal this. Let us make a new proverb— “ Young girls for counsel and any kind of men for war.” HIS HIDDEN VIRTUE. SAWTELLE. murderer, says he killed his brother and then put his pistol to his own head. Suddenly it occurred to him that his mother was living. “Ab!” he exclaimed, dropping his suicidal hand, “I must live for her.” That is very tquching and unselfish, and the more so as the murdering was done to enable him to get the means to an easy living. There is something noble in this man, and after he is hanged it might be well to search for it. THREE GREAT REPUB- LICANS., BEAINE AND MCKINLEY is the ticket most talked of the country through. It is held that those men are the only pair that can lift the Republican party out of the trouble into which it has fallen, and certainly theirs are the two strongest names before the country at this moment. In case of serious trouble with any portion of South America Blaine would be the man to whom the people would instinct- ively turn, and again there are many good Republicans who think that reciprocity is good enough protec- tion for them. But softly—softly ! The trouble is not serious enough to create alarm, and Benjamin Harrison is a first-rate president and one worthy of a second term. Orricer Mureiw — ty home, Jim: lookin’ fer ye Now hur- Mother will be ’NINETY-TWO. QUESTION “Should women propose?” has been decided in the affirmative. Time has done it with his little hatchet, which cuts down old custom and long argument, both great and small. This is the year for the rights of women to assert themselves, and if at the end of it there remain bachelors fit to possess it will be the result of cow- ardice of timidity that ought never to prevail in a civilized community. For we assume that every woman in her correct senses wants to marry, and better is a poor matrimonial bargain than none at all. ‘There are a great many worthless bachelors who would be of some value as heads of families, and it is time they were taken in hand and turned over like an erring child or a new leaf. It is frequently urged by the epigrammatic philosopher of the period that the best wives are the women who are not married, and there must be opportunity to test the truth of the conclu- sion. Let us “get together.” At the end of this leap-year there must be no spinsters or bachelors. It is a large world without building the slightest addition to it, and there is room cnough in it for all the domestic happiness that can be had—the only thoroughly rational and long-lasting happiness, without any compensatory misery, there is, Are there more women than men? Ab, well; we can fix that, Every man must help take care of the surplus, and we'll arrange for several per cent. of it ourselves.