Judge — 1891 — page 53: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S ANNUAL. RENEWING OLD TIES. 1 | FM ctor, ae |} ' i] Miss CarrINcton (of Rhode Island)—"' I'm awfully obliged to you for the invitation ; and being simply a Narragansett Pier acquaintance, I thought I'd come in the dress you've usually seen me in.” THE PRESENTS SHE BOUGHT. “T’'ve been out all day buying Christmas presents,” said Mrs, Gummey to Mrs. Gargoyle, “and I’m about tired to death.” “What did you get?” “Well, for brother Jack I got a lovely smoking-jacket.” “But Jack doesn’t smoke.” “No; but the jacket was just too sweet for anything, and it just suits his complexion. And I got brother Will a pair of skates.” “Skates for Will! Why, he couldn't skate a step if his life depended on it.” “T know, but I just couldn't think of anything else.” “What other presents did you buy?" “A lovely oil painting for grandma.” “ Why, she’s nearly blind.” “Yes; but the parlor really needed another picture.” “What else?” “T got an exquisite music-box for grandpapa.” “Exactly ! He's as deaf as an adder.” “Oh, well, he'll appreciate the intention of the gift.” “Yes, of course. What did you get for your husband ?” “Oh, I got him a lovely hall hat-rack. We needed one so badly, and I thought now was a good time to get one.” STAT(E)ISTICAL, A REAL RUDE MAN. Boston cirt—'I don’t like Uncle Ben a bit. He may know all about ships, but he doesn’t know anything about etiquette.” Her_mMamMA — “ What's he done, Emeline?” Boston Gir-—“ He told Char- ley last night that he didn’t like the cut of his jib. And you know, mamma, Charley doesn’t wear jibs.” POP-CORN. “I acknowledge the corn,” he replied, when he found himself beaten in the discussion. “Does it pop?” asked the sweet girl slyly. WHAT SHE WANTED. Unprrtaker — “And what will you have on the headstone, Mrs. Blifkins? I suppose some- thing regarding the true quali- ties of Mr. Blifkins as a husband and father?” Wivow—“ Yes; but nothing compromising, as I expect to be led to the altar again shortly.” SAME SMELL. HEAD OF THE HoUsE—‘ Mr, Amulet, I don’t object to your coming to the house, but you must stop smoking those vile cigarettes in the parlor. The smell is all over the house.” Younc Man—“T haven't been smoking cigarettes, sir. HEAD oF THE HoUSE—“ Heav- the oven!" Conpuctor (as the train touches Fiche . DS: ens! I left them overshoes in the Illinois border)— Chicago ! i sae 4 a Change cars for the rest of the planet. Those wishing to go A DIFFERENCE WITH A DISTINCTION, To be effectual, sympathy direct to hades, please keep their Fst cuitp—'' My father never gets trusted for anything.” should be given as a draught— seats,” Y SECOND CHILD (with pity)~"' Don't he? My father gets trusted all over.” not applied externally. comicbooks.com