Judge — 1891 — page 51: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S. ANNUAL. THE FIRST FROST. Somehow the scenes are blended— The grove and lighted hall, For when the summer ended The frost killed love and all. I sigh with foolish pity For what I suffered then, When she went to the city And I took up my pen. The stars still shine, but coldly, The grove is bare and col Here once I wooed her Loldly— ‘The summer made me bold. But now the hall gleams brightly With splendor wrought of men, And here she greets me lightly, Though I love her now as then. The grove, the breezes sighing Were allies of my plea; Now wealth makes wooing buying, While love scorns poverty. My love and summer's ended And frost is on my years, Vet still the scenes are blended When gazed at through my tears. ALT, WORDEN, 49 nence commonly called ‘the head,’ the top of which is covered by thin, fine hair, which, by the aid of the tonsorial artist and false bangs, is made to closely resem- ble that of a well-kept poodle.” “What covers the surface of the dude, papa?” said Fanny, becom- ing interested. “The interior covering, my dear, is fine silk underwear; a re- form double-action feminine cor- set, with a full supply of cot- ton in the clasped arrondisements around the upper portion of the body, over which an elaborate frilled shirt, with lace trimmings and pantalettes to match, is placed. The lower extremtities are then encased in extremely tight-fitting pantaloons, which accounts for the peculiar gait of the species. A very short coat, remarkable for its property of rendering visible the posterior curvature of the body, covers the arms and shoulders,” . “Are dudes productive?” “Yes, of much matter to the patient,persevering paragrapher.” WHY AND BECAUSE? or, The Curious Child Answered. BY BILLY, A BAD BOY WHAT'S BEEN TO YOURROPE. “ Papa,” said Fanny, as she nestled on the Professor's knee, after dinner, “ What is a dude?” “A dude, my love; a dude—” said the professor, evidently at a loss to classify that specimen of the genus homo— Well, Fanny, a dude is a cross between a man and a monkey; or, in other words the ‘missing link’ that Darwin tried so hard to nd.” “What is the physical condition of a dude, papa?” asked Fanny, remembering the question her teacher had put to her that day in the geography class. “The body slim and slender; a sickly crop of down covers the upper lip. The pedal extremities are somewhat contracted. The upper portion of the body is surmounted by a small promi- OBLIQUITY OF VISION. Nurse—"' Doctor, what did you graft on to that fellow’s eye the other day? * SuRGEON—"*A piece of the cornea of a rabbit.”” Nurst—"' That accounts for it. Somebody sent him a bouquet this morning and he ate it. He thought it was a cabbage.” “Where do dudes predominate?” “Principally in front of metropolitan hotels and theatres, where they stand for hours, all unconscious of the admiring glances of the fair sex or the grinning gags of the newsboys and the street Arabs.” “Do dudes ever marry, papa?” “No, dear; their mission in the world is too exalted to permit of their entangling themselves in a matrimonial alliance.” “ What is their mission, papa?” “To show the world that some men might be angels if they were not born ‘a little lower.’ But Forepaugh will be here in a few days, dear, and then, no doubt, I shall have an opportunity to sEbe a thorough examination of the species, because he always has the latest curiosities. Now, my dear, a kiss; I must 0." “ Adude, papa.” A LITTLE MENTAL ARITHMETIC, In a bakery. “ Please, mum, how much are those buns?” “Well, my little man, I'll give you six for five cents.” “Six for five? That’s five for four; four for three; three for two, two for one, and one for—nothing. Please, mum, one’s all I want.” we FROM A FOREIGN POINT OF VIEW. Ockueimen (just landed at the barge office)— How is destaidt of de kountrish?” s SoLoMons (been here six months)—"'It vould be goot only dere vos too many Amerigans in it alretty.” comicbooks.com