Judge — 1891 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE QUICKER THE BETTER. She came into the room with her silken robes trailing after her across the marble floor. Her opaline eyes gleamed through the mist like the sun shining through a vermouth cocktail. She had the hips of an Urquhart and the shoulders of a Jansen. She was well fixed. Suddenly her eyes fell upon him as he lay, face down, across the polished whiteness of the tiles, hislurid bath-robe writhily entwining his pajamaed limbs. Her hand went to her throat, and she was very still. A cup stood upon the table beside him, and something like steel gleamed in his clenched white hand. “Speak to me, Nadrovine !” she cried in a hoarse whisper, and fell in a tremulous heap, with the usual thud, winding her arms con- vulsively about his seventh-regiment neck. He turned his face wearily toward her, and there was a great red gash across the gothic granite of his cheek. “Tis nothing,” he said, and then she knew it all. He had been trying to shave himself with a patent safety razor. People will take anything except advice, Deacon MULGREAVES— dereee an Visitor—"' You see, I'm distantly related to the Montmorenci family, and have blue blood in my veins.” Otp DaMe—"' Deary me ; ‘ow very dread- ful! You should take some of Dr. Blubber's specific; it's the best thing in the world for the blood.” A CHANGE OF FRONT. CLUTCHING AT STRAWS, Mas. Corrricut—" Helen, you'll pardon me, but I mu; that it is time for you to be thinking of a home of your own. You are nearly twenty-five now, and the chances are slipping by.” Hetey—"Chances! How can a girl have chances with such an everlastingly uninteresting brother as Alfred around? Why, he didn’t know enough last night to come in and catch that Mr. Montague when he kissed me.” AN UNREASONABLE CUSTOMER. In a shop where birds are stuffed— “No, Lam not at all satisfied. You stuffed my poor dear parrot scarcely a twelvemonth ago, and now all the feathers are coming off.” “Well, madam, you should give us credit for the faithful manner in which we imitate nature. What bird did you ever see, no mat- ter of what clime, that did not moult once a year?” A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE, A more than middle-aged bachelor married a young girl. When ason and heir was added to the family the nurse was wont to show the new-comer to visitors with the traditional remark : “Looks like his pa, doesn’t he?” One day a grouty old gentleman, who couldn't see the resemblance, replied with a grunt: “Just so ; he's quite bald and has no teeth.” A NEW CONDITION. Lawvyer—“ Are you German by descent?” Witness— No, sir; by marriage.” “ By Jimminey !— awful pooty gal: Mrs. MULGREAVES (on thet jest went by!" ahead)" Deacon | comicbooks.com