Judge, 1891 · page 66 of 69
Judge — 1891 — page 66: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains multiple short humorous anecdotes and jokes typical of late 19th/early 20th-century American satire. **Key items:** - **"A Question of Authority"**: A domestic humor piece where a husband claims to be "head of the house," but his wife's shotgun from the attic proves otherwise—satirizing marital power dynamics and female agency. - **"From His View"**: A teacher asks a student to define "average"; the boy answers it's "somethin' to lay eggs on"—a play on the hen laying "six eggs a week on an average," mocking childish literal interpretation. - **"Too True"**: A Boston mother's embarrassment over her adult daughter's prudishness about buying meat cuts—satirizing Victorian sexual squeamishness and absurd delicacy. - **Various anecdotes** about drowning men, actors with long hair, and a parrot dispute—general social commentary on human behavior. - **"That Train of Thought"**: A romantic scene where a woman deflates a young man's poetic declarations about his "splendid train of thought" being a "light" one. Overall, these are lighthearted jabs at contemporary manners, gender relations, and human folly.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FUNNY THINGS Mh Mit Ye Mo) TEM: A QUESTION OF AUTHORITY. Nuicnnor—"' Roof leaking up there?” Mr. Cassius—"* Nope. See that shot-gun sticking out of th’ scuttle ?” Neicubox—" Yep." Mr. Cassitus—" My wife's behind it. I ventured to remark this morning that I was th’ head of th’ house, an she’s kept me in th’ position ever since.” “What are the Wild Waves say- ing?” Well, about this season of the year: “Better keep away from us.” “Drowning men clutch at straws.” Yes, and so do other men—those of the “smiling” kind—when a brandy- smash or a sherry-cobbler happens to be at the end of the straw. “My dear,” said a Boston mother to her daughter, a more or less beautiful girl of thirty-eight late springs, who was about starting out, “I wish you would stop at the butcher’s and order a leg of mut- ton.” “Mother !" exclaimed the girl, blushing dreadfully, “I would rath- er die!” “Well, get a loin of veal; Iam not particular.” “Mother!” she yipped in the greatest dismay, “what would the butcher man think of me?” FROM JUDGE. TOO TRUE. FROM HIS VIEW. “Oh, well,” said the old lady, _ TEACHER (reading)—“* And it was an absolute fact that the hen laid “Twill go myself, but I think you average?" six eggs a week on an average! Now, Tommy, tell me, what is an are very foolish,” ToMMy (with the utmost con fidence)—"* Suthin’ to lay eggs on!” Mrs. Dr. Nison—"'I know he's an actor, dear, because he wears his hair long.” Buetit (a moment later)—"* He doesn't wear it very long, does he, mamma ?° It doesn’t always follow that those who are unwilling to take the will for the deed, are willing to take the deed for the will. “That fellow must board with the same kind of a boarding-mistress as | do,” said the fellow who read the sign in a grocery window, “Another re- duction in sugar and coffee.” Two Detroit women, having a bitter quarrel, kept up hostilities through two parrots. One taught her Polly to say “You thief!" whenever the enemy appeared in sight; the other's feat! ered ally screamed back “You dye your hair!" The power of the law had eventually to be invoked, and both principals and parrots were “injunct- ed.” THAT TRAIN OF THOUGHT. T've had such a splendid train of thought .” Cried Tom, in a mental craze, As Melinda's beautiful hand he caught— ** My soul is in a blaze.” ‘That your mind is illumed, I could not doubt,” Said the maid with a look demure ; “*For the freight of the train you speak about Was very fight, I'm sure.” ©. Jones. comicbooks.com